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That sick feeling...
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 635861" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Good Morning, Tired Mom.</p><p></p><p>Welcome to the site.</p><p></p><p>:0)</p><p></p><p>While there is often nothing we can do to change the paths our difficult child kids are on, there are many practices and activities that can help us get through the worst of it.</p><p></p><p>Al Anon meetings are sources of non-judgmental support. Learning the stories of other parents going through the same torturous things and finding out we are not alone is strengthening.</p><p></p><p>NAMI</p><p></p><p>Check this out on the internet, TM. There may even be a chapter in your city. Classes, meetings, and support.</p><p></p><p>Serenity Prayer</p><p></p><p>This was given to me by a very wise mom who told me to read it again and again until it worked.</p><p></p><p>And that helped me.</p><p></p><p>Here it is, for you.</p><p></p><p>God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,</p><p></p><p>The Courage to change the things I can</p><p></p><p>And the Wisdom to know the difference.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>Therapy, to help us stay healthy ourselves can be helpful.</p><p></p><p>Cherishing ourselves -- manicures, massages, ice cream, meditation, long walks, hot baths -- everything we know to try to nurture ourselves through this time are so important to holding everything together.</p><p></p><p>******</p><p></p><p>We lost our easy child to drug addiction during the years our oldest child began to self destruct.</p><p></p><p>It can happen.</p><p></p><p>I don't know whether we could have prevented that. I do know we were Intensely focused on the troubled child .</p><p></p><p>Our oldest would eventually be diagnosed with a mental illness. </p><p></p><p>Because we had been excoriated and accused and judged in a thousand ways by social workers and rehab personnel regarding our first child, we missed the boat in recognizing our son's addiction.</p><p></p><p>While the helping professionals never did come up with whatever the specific thing which was wrong with our family was, we were made to feel that our parenting, or some vile, secret dynamic at the heart of our family, was motivating our oldest child to act out the family dysfunction.</p><p></p><p>This was fatal to our family, as we lost faith in our ability to parent successfully.</p><p></p><p>It will be hard, but don't let the "professionals" teach you that your older child's problems have anything to do with parenting or family dynamics unless they can tell you, specifically, what it is and how to change it.</p><p></p><p>The last thing a family needs when one of the children is in crisis is a social worker or counselor making assumptions that are not applicable to your family. </p><p></p><p>You are a loving, conscientious parent, or you would not be here on this site.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry this is happening to you and to your child. Please keep us updated on how you are all doing. This site is a warm, supportive place, and I am so glad you've found us.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 635861, member: 17461"] Good Morning, Tired Mom. Welcome to the site. :0) While there is often nothing we can do to change the paths our difficult child kids are on, there are many practices and activities that can help us get through the worst of it. Al Anon meetings are sources of non-judgmental support. Learning the stories of other parents going through the same torturous things and finding out we are not alone is strengthening. NAMI Check this out on the internet, TM. There may even be a chapter in your city. Classes, meetings, and support. Serenity Prayer This was given to me by a very wise mom who told me to read it again and again until it worked. And that helped me. Here it is, for you. God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The Courage to change the things I can And the Wisdom to know the difference. *** Therapy, to help us stay healthy ourselves can be helpful. Cherishing ourselves -- manicures, massages, ice cream, meditation, long walks, hot baths -- everything we know to try to nurture ourselves through this time are so important to holding everything together. ****** We lost our easy child to drug addiction during the years our oldest child began to self destruct. It can happen. I don't know whether we could have prevented that. I do know we were Intensely focused on the troubled child . Our oldest would eventually be diagnosed with a mental illness. Because we had been excoriated and accused and judged in a thousand ways by social workers and rehab personnel regarding our first child, we missed the boat in recognizing our son's addiction. While the helping professionals never did come up with whatever the specific thing which was wrong with our family was, we were made to feel that our parenting, or some vile, secret dynamic at the heart of our family, was motivating our oldest child to act out the family dysfunction. This was fatal to our family, as we lost faith in our ability to parent successfully. It will be hard, but don't let the "professionals" teach you that your older child's problems have anything to do with parenting or family dynamics unless they can tell you, specifically, what it is and how to change it. The last thing a family needs when one of the children is in crisis is a social worker or counselor making assumptions that are not applicable to your family. You are a loving, conscientious parent, or you would not be here on this site. I am sorry this is happening to you and to your child. Please keep us updated on how you are all doing. This site is a warm, supportive place, and I am so glad you've found us. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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