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That sinking feeling...
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<blockquote data-quote="youngmomwithadultson" data-source="post: 634207" data-attributes="member: 18247"><p>HI there, I'm still in the middle of my difficult child coming and going. He's 21. Ive had what I call my aha moment and I've had a recent relapse so I have a lot of sympathy for what you are going through. The first thought of kicking him out seems devastating and impossible until you start to see how beneficial the separation will be. Eventhough I have yet to be completely successful with my efforts to separate from my difficult child, the efforts I made gave him some highly beneficial tools. The two times he did leave the house he developed excellent skills at getting a job. He's terrible at keeping a job though but man can he get them. He found out that just completing applications will get you hired in some places. He has built some life skills. He will build more. I've set the next deadline to move. I've seen many others do what i'm about to do and i'm moving and he can't come with me. Its weird how that seems to be the case as if the house becomes the common factor and once you can change that, it helps. That probably doesn't mean much to you right now though. Read the detachment article and re read it over and over. Practice one line at a time until it takes effect. Try setting a deadline that makes sense for you like 7 months from now you will be leaving.. that's a lot of time. But also how about, in the last month you will only be allowed in the house from 10pm to 7am because the rest of the time you should be working or in school... its okay to insist on some effort.. this is something in between. just an idea that has worked for me although its that awful place on the fence and one day you have to get to the point of letting go.. i'm sorry to say for both of us..</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="youngmomwithadultson, post: 634207, member: 18247"] HI there, I'm still in the middle of my difficult child coming and going. He's 21. Ive had what I call my aha moment and I've had a recent relapse so I have a lot of sympathy for what you are going through. The first thought of kicking him out seems devastating and impossible until you start to see how beneficial the separation will be. Eventhough I have yet to be completely successful with my efforts to separate from my difficult child, the efforts I made gave him some highly beneficial tools. The two times he did leave the house he developed excellent skills at getting a job. He's terrible at keeping a job though but man can he get them. He found out that just completing applications will get you hired in some places. He has built some life skills. He will build more. I've set the next deadline to move. I've seen many others do what i'm about to do and i'm moving and he can't come with me. Its weird how that seems to be the case as if the house becomes the common factor and once you can change that, it helps. That probably doesn't mean much to you right now though. Read the detachment article and re read it over and over. Practice one line at a time until it takes effect. Try setting a deadline that makes sense for you like 7 months from now you will be leaving.. that's a lot of time. But also how about, in the last month you will only be allowed in the house from 10pm to 7am because the rest of the time you should be working or in school... its okay to insist on some effort.. this is something in between. just an idea that has worked for me although its that awful place on the fence and one day you have to get to the point of letting go.. i'm sorry to say for both of us.. [/QUOTE]
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