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Family of Origin
That "why." Do we ever really know? Why does it matter?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 673054" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I've come to the conclusion that the question can never be answered and that the abusers may not even know why they do it or THAT they do it. I think THAT is important. Perhaps, like many of my FOO, they think they had a relatively "normal" family and that their behavior is normal. I know mine think they are normal. So what's the point of figuring out why? </p><p></p><p>I sort of think most of our parents had inept parents and that's part of t he why. They could not or would not face their own upbringings being deficient so they copied what they knew...the divide/conquer and favorite/scapegoat and belittling and lack of teaching us proper coping skills. And it affected all the siblings in the family differently, but do you believe you have any siblings who really have good coping skills or are basically happy and normal? Don't all the children suffer?</p><p></p><p>I'm not on a hunt anymore. This is my conclusion. Fortunately, to all who still suffer, you CAN pretty much learn to accept it and move on with your family of choice, friends who love you, and other people who are good for your soul rather than soul killing.</p><p></p><p>Ok, just my thoughts. Not very deep. Have a great day to all <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 673054, member: 1550"] I've come to the conclusion that the question can never be answered and that the abusers may not even know why they do it or THAT they do it. I think THAT is important. Perhaps, like many of my FOO, they think they had a relatively "normal" family and that their behavior is normal. I know mine think they are normal. So what's the point of figuring out why? I sort of think most of our parents had inept parents and that's part of t he why. They could not or would not face their own upbringings being deficient so they copied what they knew...the divide/conquer and favorite/scapegoat and belittling and lack of teaching us proper coping skills. And it affected all the siblings in the family differently, but do you believe you have any siblings who really have good coping skills or are basically happy and normal? Don't all the children suffer? I'm not on a hunt anymore. This is my conclusion. Fortunately, to all who still suffer, you CAN pretty much learn to accept it and move on with your family of choice, friends who love you, and other people who are good for your soul rather than soul killing. Ok, just my thoughts. Not very deep. Have a great day to all ;) [/QUOTE]
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Family of Origin
That "why." Do we ever really know? Why does it matter?
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