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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 763482" data-attributes="member: 4152"><p>I too am intrigued by the mention of this Mate author and will be checking it out.</p><p></p><p>I too feel like I’ve been on a journey. A weird, long, difficult , slow and often insane one.</p><p></p><p>We have had decades of extra ordinary difficult Christmas holidays until the last two. It took a very long time before we said “enough!”</p><p></p><p>You see… One family member has been uninvited fir Xmas day due to excessively bad choices, abusive behaviors and lack of remorse.</p><p></p><p>This was our “unwell” adult child’s worst time. Yet, would not see a therapist, take extra medications, make any attempt to do better. Instead, we had years and years of being treated like garbage at the same time trying to make it easier and nicer for our child. At the same time ruining our holiday.</p><p></p><p>Of course we wish things could be different. It’s sad. But, we so enjoyed our peace especially this year. Ah. Peace. Joy. Hope, love. Quiet. Spirituality.</p><p></p><p>It’s up to our ADULT child to get help.</p><p></p><p>I recall a full decade ago mentioning to one of my doctors that because of this bizarre circumstance with our adult child, we haven’t enjoyed a nice Christmas fir twenty years even though sooo much effort was put into making it special. That day was always ruined by poor and crazy , self indulgent , self serving, uncaring behaviors. He mumbled (sort of…I could still hear him). “ xxx needs to go!” So obvious to him. But, you don’t give up on family. Right???</p><p></p><p>That was ten years ago. Ten more years of Xmas horror followed. Has it been thirty? I think maybe so. Sigh.</p><p></p><p>Of course it wasn’t just Xmas day…but Xmas day was always “over the top.” </p><p></p><p>And our ties are now remote/very limited …we are keeping our distance all days. </p><p></p><p>Is ten years of efforts to help enough? Twenty years of being patient? Is thirty years of abuse enough time?</p><p></p><p>I cant do it. We can’t do it. They have to carry their own ball and run with it. At times they are open to “an assist.” Maybe that’s ok. But they must have the desire to change snd the willingness to do real work.</p><p></p><p>Again…they need to make their own choice (s) to get healthier and certainly not be destructive to others…maybe especially their own family members.</p><p></p><p>What a slow learner I seem to have been. Sigh.</p><p></p><p>I grew. Life moves on. And it is good.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 763482, member: 4152"] I too am intrigued by the mention of this Mate author and will be checking it out. I too feel like I’ve been on a journey. A weird, long, difficult , slow and often insane one. We have had decades of extra ordinary difficult Christmas holidays until the last two. It took a very long time before we said “enough!” You see… One family member has been uninvited fir Xmas day due to excessively bad choices, abusive behaviors and lack of remorse. This was our “unwell” adult child’s worst time. Yet, would not see a therapist, take extra medications, make any attempt to do better. Instead, we had years and years of being treated like garbage at the same time trying to make it easier and nicer for our child. At the same time ruining our holiday. Of course we wish things could be different. It’s sad. But, we so enjoyed our peace especially this year. Ah. Peace. Joy. Hope, love. Quiet. Spirituality. It’s up to our ADULT child to get help. I recall a full decade ago mentioning to one of my doctors that because of this bizarre circumstance with our adult child, we haven’t enjoyed a nice Christmas fir twenty years even though sooo much effort was put into making it special. That day was always ruined by poor and crazy , self indulgent , self serving, uncaring behaviors. He mumbled (sort of…I could still hear him). “ xxx needs to go!” So obvious to him. But, you don’t give up on family. Right??? That was ten years ago. Ten more years of Xmas horror followed. Has it been thirty? I think maybe so. Sigh. Of course it wasn’t just Xmas day…but Xmas day was always “over the top.” And our ties are now remote/very limited …we are keeping our distance all days. Is ten years of efforts to help enough? Twenty years of being patient? Is thirty years of abuse enough time? I cant do it. We can’t do it. They have to carry their own ball and run with it. At times they are open to “an assist.” Maybe that’s ok. But they must have the desire to change snd the willingness to do real work. Again…they need to make their own choice (s) to get healthier and certainly not be destructive to others…maybe especially their own family members. What a slow learner I seem to have been. Sigh. I grew. Life moves on. And it is good. [/QUOTE]
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