The Blind Leading The Blind ??

[DDD]

easy child/difficult child and his new girlfriend just left our house for her house. He is not in love. They are bound by three factors: (1) they are both goodlooking and love the social atmosphere of their "Cheers". (2) they both are alcoholics.....unbelievably, she drinks him under the table (she's a size 6, by the way)
and HE feels the need to be her protector. and then (3) she's funny and very lusty when drunk.

He has avoided all drugs. He has tried to avoid all old friends with an interest in drugs or criminal activity. He WAS limiting himself to three nights out a week.

I just needed to vent. He told me before they left here that he had not been drinking. He did not smell like booze. on the other hand, it's 2:30 in the morning and I'm up and on the computer because I've got bad vibes. I've made alot of progress with detachment but when the signs of backward steps show up...I just can't help but worry. This is one of those nights, darn it!
DDD

PS: The good news is that the girl works full time AND gets a bc shot every few months. easy child/difficult child is only her 2nd since she was in a five year relationship that recently ended. So, I'm not edgy about disease or pg. Phew/Whew on those issues.

 

[Sheila]

because I've got bad vibes.

Not a good sign, but fingers crossed your worry is for nothing.

 

[Lori4ever]

Hopefully you're being "overly concerned", although it does seem our mothers intition is usually right. Fingers crossed with hugs and prayers that you're worried for naught. It's would be hard not to worry when you know she drinks, too.

 

[lovemysons]

Hi DDD,
Long time no talk...
Just wondering about your "vibes"...when did easy child get home and what condition was he in. Glad the young woman easy child is with is protecting herself from pregnancy. Wish they didn't drink so much. I sure understand as young difficult child stays drunk quite a bit himself.

Hugs and love,
Tammy

 

[DDD]

Hey, Tammy. easy child/difficult child and the new girlfriend left a 2 AM and he asked me to call his cell phone this morning at 9. Well, they showed up at our house at 6 AM and went to sleep. Somehow she functions with very very little sleep but he, of course, needs excessive sleep due to the Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI). That's the first time she has "slept over"...but I don't know if falling assleep at 6 constitutes spending the night. Yikes!

My gut tells me that two alcoholics can not have a healthy relationship.I have overheard him tell her on the phone "I'll take you out to eat but I will not take you drinking." Sounds good but...after they had dinner she was able to convince him to go to "their bar" for a drink or two. She will drive her car regardless of her intake. I think it's a disaster waiting to happen.

How 'bout an update on both boys. You know we care. DDD

 

[lovemysons]

Yikes...Not good on the "galpal" drinking and driving....wish one of them could be the "designated driver". I hear ya on the sleep over thingy...it starts like that and can get worse, trust me, lol.

Well, an update on my boys...Josh is still with the 32 year old, yes she had a birthday and is getting older, not sure wiser. Apparently her soon to be ex showed up at Josh and her apt not long ago. Somehow Josh ended up outside the apt door while the ex was inside talking to Josh's girlfriend. Josh broke down the door...this is all I know according to husband. Josh talks to husband about his private life but rarely discusses it with me. He and husband are still working together, that is, Josh is working for husband. He comes over nearly every morning and is studying for his "A plus" ceritification, plans on taking a test in Feb. This is all computer related stuff. Josh feels that he must get on the "fast track" to bigger money if he is going to keep his girlfriend around...she is used to money.

Meanwhile, I rarely see much of Jarod. He spends a great deal of time spending the nights with a buddy...we call it the "love shack". He drinks alot and rarely sees his son or Mindy. I still see Mindy at least once or twice a week with grandbaby Joey. It is VERY important to me that I not make the same mistakes with my influence toward Joey as I have with my sons.
I just started a new thread about "user" mentality, in light, alot because I now think I made many mistakes with my sons, told them what they were NOT capable of doing for themselves and made them fairly needy people. I find myself being very conscientious around Joey and want for him to know what he CAN DO for himself, IS capable of...and to just grow into being a more independent soul.
I heard it said so well the other day..."A mothers job is to gradually work herself OUT of a job." I wish I had done this better for my sons.

SO there ya have it, lots of reflection lately wanting to do better by my grandson. Wish I had a better update on the boys. Really though, I guess Josh is doing so badly all things considered...OH, and husband told me this morning that Jarod may be able to sign back up with the Army in March if he gets a waiver from a recruiting officer. Don't know if that's possible or not but that is apparently what young difficult child, Jarod, has told husband. Meanwhile young difficult child is being very irresponsible by all accounts and drinking alot. husband and I are really dissapointed that he does not have the "be a man" mentality that we wish he had especially concerning provision for his son.

Hey, thanks for asking about the boys...and for caring.
Your a sweety DDD.
And glad easy child did make it home. I know you must have been worried.
Hugs,
Tammy

 

[Ephchap]

I'm so glad to hear easy child/difficult child is no longer drugging, but as you and I both know, alcohol is just a substitute drug of choice for our boys. I worry in particular when you mention the drinking and driving, but I know you're worried enough for both of us.

I'm sending good thoughts, my friend.

Hugs,
Deb

 

[Rotsne]

Combining driving and drinking must be stopped. Can locks be purchased so he cannot only drive if he breathe into it?

As long as they stay under 21(m)/14(f) beers per week as our healthcare department has set as the limit, there shouldn't be a problem.

 

[DDD]

Rotnse it is not my grandson who is the DUI major concern...it's his new girlfriend. Nothing I can do about her but pray that nothing horrible happens.

Interestingly, it appears that "maybe" watching her get drunk has been a bit of an eyeopener for easy child/difficult child. When recounting his evening out he often makes an aside "she was drunk again, of course". Seeing someone else make poor choices could heighten his perception of the booze impact. I hope so. DDD

PS: Our grandson was diagnosis's as an alcoholic when he was 15 or 16. He was, sadly, the youngest outpatient in the area so diagnosed. For years he switched to drugs and now is trying to do controlled drinking. Yikes.