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The boy who cries wolf.
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<blockquote data-quote="blackgnat" data-source="post: 660366" data-attributes="member: 13561"><p>Thanks SWOT and COM and all who offered kindness and wisdom.</p><p></p><p>I'm really sorry that I show up on here every now and then with the same problem in various degrees of being "healed" (for want of a better word) . Sometimes I'm outraged or gutted or heartbroken or incredulous or accepting. It just seems to cycle, depending on the latest round of shenanigans.</p><p></p><p>I REALLY do know in my heart that there's nothing I can do. I REALLY do accept that he could die (just as we all could at any time) . I KNOW I have to live my live for me, with this infinite sadness that runs like a thread through my life-as we all do on here.</p><p></p><p>He called yesterday and we had the usual talk, the outcome of which is that he is kinda happy with the way things are. So that's what I accept, though who the hell wouldn't want to change that is a mystery to me. But I'm not him. So I feel at more peace today. I just hate the way that his feelings become the barometer on which MINE operate. He's sad, so am I. He's desperate, so am I . He's content, so am I. He's destructive or drunk or high, well I just want to throatpunch him.</p><p></p><p>I guess I need so much more time on the therapy couch to get this shyt through my thick head. When I say to him, "Son, you'll figure it out because it's your life and you're the one who is in it" , I really have to start believing it 100 %. Not just believing it 75% and thinking, "I'll try and get everyone else to figure it out for you". I really HAVE got better, because at one time and for many years, I wouldn't have even had the courage to say THAT.</p><p></p><p>Baby steps.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="blackgnat, post: 660366, member: 13561"] Thanks SWOT and COM and all who offered kindness and wisdom. I'm really sorry that I show up on here every now and then with the same problem in various degrees of being "healed" (for want of a better word) . Sometimes I'm outraged or gutted or heartbroken or incredulous or accepting. It just seems to cycle, depending on the latest round of shenanigans. I REALLY do know in my heart that there's nothing I can do. I REALLY do accept that he could die (just as we all could at any time) . I KNOW I have to live my live for me, with this infinite sadness that runs like a thread through my life-as we all do on here. He called yesterday and we had the usual talk, the outcome of which is that he is kinda happy with the way things are. So that's what I accept, though who the hell wouldn't want to change that is a mystery to me. But I'm not him. So I feel at more peace today. I just hate the way that his feelings become the barometer on which MINE operate. He's sad, so am I. He's desperate, so am I . He's content, so am I. He's destructive or drunk or high, well I just want to throatpunch him. I guess I need so much more time on the therapy couch to get this shyt through my thick head. When I say to him, "Son, you'll figure it out because it's your life and you're the one who is in it" , I really have to start believing it 100 %. Not just believing it 75% and thinking, "I'll try and get everyone else to figure it out for you". I really HAVE got better, because at one time and for many years, I wouldn't have even had the courage to say THAT. Baby steps. [/QUOTE]
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The boy who cries wolf.
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