The Brooms brought

[Shari]

husband's birthday gift over (I seriously am the only person they do not get a gift for. Ever.) Of course, cgfg is here.

Two Brooms asked her if she went out and saw her new calf. Uh, duh, *****...NO!

Then she congratulated her on being on the B honor roll. The kid has 2 D's on her report card in core subjects, and made the B honor roll by getting A's in choir and gym. And she's proud of this. I didnt say a word, but there's going to have to be a "no congratulating people for crappy work in front of me and Wee" rule (if it is determined its even worth it)

 

[InsaneCdn]

Ummm... If it wasn't for non-core subjects, our difficult child wouldn't even be in school - so, it could be worse. Plus, it's your job (didn't you see the parent job desciption before your first one was born?) to be the heavy... the extended family gets to be nice. Maybe you need a rule that says the average can't drop below a B, so the difficult child still has to put effort into SOMETHING?

 

[Shari]

Uh, no. I am the ONLY person on the planet that knows what her grades are. I'm step-mom. Her mom yelled at me for "making up stories about her schoolwork" last year, and her dad does nothing. Grandparents just baby her. I am not involved in her school at all. However, I'm not gonna sit and listen to her be praised, either. Especially in my own home.

 

[Shari]

Sorry! That sounds short and certainly wasn't meant to be.

My in-laws are...um...well....Witches, to put it nicely. Amazing ones. Cgfg is only a difficult child because no one in her world gives a rat's patoot what the child does.

 

[InsaneCdn]

First, we're allowed short fuses here - and you weren't flaming. <grin>

Next... if the thread were about teachers, I'd probably be flaming. We've watched school destroy our son, starting in Grade 1. And they don't care. I could probably get hot about family, too, if I wanted to, but ours is so unique that my cover would be blown in under 24hrs.

So - in some form or another, most of us have a similar thread... we can't get what we need from the people who need to give it to us.

And, to make it worse... maybe I'm part aspie... always seeing solutions. Sometimes crazy ideas really do work.

Thanks!!

 

[Shari]

I paid for and took her to tutoring and counseling, I've worked with her mom to give her "rewards" for grades of a video game time (worked really well, too), but it was just "too much work" for mom to implement. I got her an evaluation for an IEP, and they said they thought she ADHD, and if she did, and got the diagnosis from a doctor, they could give her pullout help - mom got the diagnosis, but didn't want her dad and I involved in the meeting, so never reconvened the IEP team. Among other things. So...I am letting it go. I can't do anything to make it better, so I'm not going to drive myself crazy over it.

I just told husband I don't care what her grades on, I will not have her rewarded for her **** grades while I'm around. So whats he do? Wants to see her grades (first time all year) and then calls her in and says WTH is this ****? Grrr. I don't want involved. I am staying out of it. But I don't want to hear "how wonderful" she is, either, and thats all I asked.

I could go on and on about the teachers, too. They are supposed to send home a note if an assingment isn't turned in. The parents sign it, the kid does the assignment, returns both to the school the next day, gets partial credit for the assignment. No signature, no credit. Five notes is supposed to be a detention. School wide - not per class.

It is pretty normal for her to end each quarter with 15 missing assignments. No notes home. PLUS she gets to go on the "100% club" field trips for not having any detentions or any of these notes sent home. So...where's the teachers? Cause while that won't work for a real difficult child - it darn sure does this one. Thats what makes me so mad...she is so easy to "work". If someone just would.

PS - she'll make up some of those assignments at the end of the quarter, and they'll give her full credit...

 

[Hound dog]

Shari I would've taken that very moment to speak up. I'd have said something along the lines of "While it's nice cgfg made the B honor roll, it would have been so much nicer if it had been with classes that actually mean something."

Yes, ok. I admit it, I can be snippy and mean and rude if I feel the situation calls for it. That one did. Probably many many situations with the Brooms does. Enough snippy, she might back off. Course you could always switch to snarly. lol

I just dunno how you do it. That woman and me would last in a room together maybe 5 minutes......and it sure wouldn't be me runnin' out the door. ugh

 

[InsaneCdn]

Oh, and I forgot to give you an extra gold medal... seriously.

Its hard enough to work through all this stuff with a nice neat nuclear family, with birth-kids (no adoptions)... where one or the other of us either deals with similar issues, or we have family members who were like that... But complicated families and no direct genetics?

Gold medal, gal. I mean it.

 

[Shari]

Thanks. It does help that others see it. Unfortunately, others see it in this community, and I don't have to speak a WORD.

Hound, I've tried. It does no good. I have decided until my husband can stand up and say something, there is absolutely nothing more I can say that will ever make a difference. He is the parent of his daughter and he picked me for a wife...he needs to stand up for his choices. Back in the day when I tried to work with cgfg and he was supposedly "on board with me" and they went behind my back to do whatever they wanted, if he would have either told me to butt out, or told them to support what "we" were doing...well, I think we wouldn't be in this mess. At least not this deep. And I think he's acquired a lot of their attitude.

husband and I had some further discussion and I reminded him of several times he jumped difficult child 1's butt for doing something "half-***ed". I said "I don't care what you do with cgfg, but it wouldn't have been ok for him, or easy child, and it won't be ok for Wee, so I just don't want to have to hear it being ok for cgfg". Yeah, things aren't happy at my home. I wonder if I care?

Heck of it is, if Two Brooms ever really did put forth effort and really try (like tonight - other than that little incident and her jumping in on Wee when he volunteered he missed recess today (which he missed voluntarily, I might add, in order to make up time he missed working while he was holed up in his "safe place")) she was relatively benign. Even came in to see the prom dress I am altering and made some small talk. But I am just so worn raw with it all... Like I told husband, when you get smacked in the face 80% of the times you see someone, you learn to be gun-shy of that person pretty darn quick. And I am the spoiled rich kid. (that made him get up and walk away...guess maybe I'm not supposed to know that?)

Oh well. Tomorrow is a new day. Thanks for letting me vent.

 

[Hound dog]

Shari, kiddo you win that medal hands down.

I could not do it. Seriously. Not in a heartbeat.

If my husband couldn't love me enough, nor be man enough to stand behind me........swear to heaven above I would walk. Maybe I'm way too old school, but a man who loves his woman doesn't let no one treat her like crud, don't care who they are or what their relationship. I wouldn't be able to get past that part, no matter what the reason was. Nor would I expect husband to stick around if the shoe was on the other foot.

husband and my Mom have not gotten along from day 1. Ok....rephrase that, my Mom has refused to get along with husband from day 1. While she can complain to me up to a point......I'd blast her seven ways from sunday if so much as one word passed her lips toward husband. There are miffs in families to be certain........but what Brooms does daily and what my Mom would have done had I allowed it are far from that. Just plain ol meaness and disrespect. My mother has since choked on her words to me many a time. Actually she's decided husband is the best sister in law she's got.....cracked me up so bad I nearly fell outta the chair. (she hates all of her kid's spouses equally) husband has never once treated her with disrespect, and I demand the same from her. Even if she has to fake it.

I did have sort of the same issue with husband's bro for many many years. But husband's bro was not all up in my business and in my face on a regular basis........and while he made it clear I wasn't his favorite person, he was at least polite about it. Didn't bother me much cuz I didn't have to deal with it except during holidays.

You are one strong lady. And like I said, I dunno how you do it. Frustrates the holy heck out of me and I'm not even in the situation. I can take anything from anyone if I feel I have to, but disrespect? nope not for a second.

I sure hope husband appreciates his amazing good fortune when he found you.

((hugs))

 

[DaisyFace]

Shari--

Over the years, I have learned that I cannot win a battle of grades if the school does not care.

Your cgfg has learned that if she does NOT do the work...she still makes the honor roll. The SCHOOL has praised her for getting good grades.

The SCHOOL thinks she is doing GREAT! The TEACHERS say assignments need NOT be turned in on time because they give her until the very last minute to hand everything in....and even with MISSING assignments....cgfg can PASS the class AND make the honor roll.

With this kind of reinforcement - what in the world could you possibly say that would make you anything less than the "mean ol' ogre" who is giving cgfg a hard time about school work?

We here all understand what you are saying - and your complaints are legitimate...

but if the school itself is not emphasizing academics, grades, homework and responsibility - then you are fighting a losing battle.

 

[Shari]

Oh trust me. It is not a battle I am willing to fight. That said, I'm also not willing to listen to husband and the brooms praise her, either. Either can it, or warn me they are coming so I can leave. Don't care which.

 

[AnnieO]

Shari... JUST HUGS!!!

 

[Shari]

Mr Broom used to be a janitor for the school years and years ago. husband worked there for a few months out of high school. You should hear those two complain when the boy scouts hold a meeting in the building, or when the women's group plays basketball on Sunday nights - OMG, the complain like they are still the ones working there, about how other groups shouldn't be allowed to use the school, cause the janitors have to clean it up (ironic that either of these men can shine a floor you could see your reflection in, but would be perfectly content to live with a floor you could grow corn in....)
And Athletics? OMG, the gripes about the athletics programs taking away from the academics? Over the top. And its constant. Every week when the local paper comes out, and the kids are on the sports page...the gripes. Yet they sit there and praise cgfg, right along with the school, for her "hard work". Whatever.