the bug is in WVA....

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by timer lady, Nov 27, 2012.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    and biomonster is feeding into her anger. kt will be there 5 weeks and when she returns here, she will be coming to my door with a police escort to get her stuff. Heck, she abandoned her stuff months ago.

    AND then she plans on getting an attorney to sue me. You see, it was all a lie. All the abuse/neglect was a lie. kt asked if I still loved her & wasn't
    she still my daughter. Well after the conversation this morning, I believe the remaining love has finally died.

    The tweedles are 18 and I'm ready to be done. Have been for a long time. Just want to live my life in peace.

    I hate this......

  2. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Oh, Linda - I am so sorry. You have really been through Hades for your's more pain than anyone deserves. I'm so sorry to hear that it has come to this.
  3. lmf64

    lmf64 New Member

    Linda, I am so sorry. You have done all you can, at this time. The Tweedles are adults now and have made it very clear they will make their own decisions now. We all know that the decisions they are making will not lead to happiness, but they are their decisions. It's time for you, now. Take the time for your painting/gardening/friends.
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Like the rest of the family I am so sorry that you have to face yet another drama filled orchestrated event. Since you are a photographer (I think) perhaps you could place each piece of her property out on the bed or dining room table and photograph it. Then get it boxed up for transport when she comes and hand her a duplicate copy of the pictures so there is no doubt what she is retreiving. Not only would it give you an opportunity to mourn in private but it would make the pick up visit much shorter. Then the only thing left for her to do when she pulls off her power play is walk through with a policeman and verify that all her things are ready to go and not hidden away. Sigh. DDD

    PS: If you have family photos that you value she "might" claim those too just to cause you some pain. Make sure you have copies of any that bring happy memories for you.
  5. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    I hate this for you........((hugs))
  6. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand

    I'm sorry TM (hugs) sometimes enough truly is.....enough.
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am so sorry too. I think DDD has some very wise thoughts. I would make the copies of pictures and do the taking pictures of anything that she could possibly claim as hers. If it isnt hers, then dont let her have it.
  8. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    There are no words to tell you how sorry I am Linda. I do hope you are done with it, but the emotional part lingers on so long. Protect yourself and your belongings and you heart.

  9. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    (((hugs))) I am so sorry. You do not deserve any of this.
  10. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Linda, I just hate knowing how awful kt is to you. I think it was always so that she was the stronger of the two and she would be the one to lash out. I'm sure that she thinks it makes her powerful, but all it means is that she is and always will be bio-monster's victim. You gave her and WM all you had to save them with an open heart. I guess my feeling is that she was unsaveable. It doesn't devalue anything you did for her, it's just the way that it is. She can talk about suing you all she wants, but that is just about the most preposterous thing I have ever heard in my life. It's something a child without the guidance of an adult would do. No attorney would go near that with a ten foot pole.

    If you are going to bother letting her get her stuff, I agree with DDD about taking photos so that there is a record of what you hand over to her. I have to be honest and tell you that I didn't give M much of anything when he came back for his stuff after what he put us through. I cleaned out his room - which I'm sure you did long ago - got rid of things like school-books and garbage, saved a few things that were precious to us, gave ALL of his childhood toys away, gave away his video games, set aside his Eagle Scout stuff for when he was mature enough to get it, sent him his clothes and called it done. He had delusions that he was going to take furniture and bedding and household items. Oh, h--- to the no!

    If I were you, kt would never be back at my door. You're absolutely right that she has abandoned her things. If you feel that she honestly owns anything that would be of any use to her that is still in her possession, I'd box it up and send it to wherever she's at and then, as you have mentioned before you might do, I'd move away. I'm sorry that kt had such a horrible childhood, but there does come a time when you have to say that she is no longer a child, and she is the only one who can make a better life for her. Lashing out at you is going to do nothing but make that harder for her.

    I know that you feel you don't love her, I really do. I also know that you can love her and let her be without you. She's triangulating, and if she can't triangulate you into the equation, then completely cutting her off may be the last gift of love that you ever give to her. She'll either use it to better herself or she won't. But you and I and all of your family here knows that she will never be a loving caring person so long as she has her bio-monster to feed her anger, and you to take her anger out on.

    I'm so sorry. This is the part of parenthood for some of us that is nearly unbearable. But sometimes it's the only way to make a recovery for yourself. In the end, you're all you've got. Treat yourself right.
  11. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so sorry................I have no words, just prayers for peace for you and gentle hugs................
  12. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Let's see ... hmmm.... yup, I notified kt earlier this year that she had abandoned her belongings & gave her 3 weeks to pick them up. Most of her stuff is gone anyway.

    by the way, I no longer allow her to enter my home. About 2 weeks ago she stole my car. That was a line that went entirely too far. One of the officers taking the report commented that I had quite the history of calling law enforcement out for kt. He wasn't
    complaining ~ he was just saying because it would likely give me grounds for a court order of protection.

    And given kt's history with our local police dept. I doubt they would escort her here for anything.

    Witz, you're right ~ the law suit is laughable. DDD, thanks for the idea. As there isn't
    much left here I may just toss it. If I do pack it up for her I will take photos.

    Ladies, you are all the best. Thanks, I feel better after "talking
  13. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Honey I have no words, just lots of *hugs*.
  14. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry, Linda. Many hugs.
  15. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Wow, stole your car and wants to sue you. NICE. If it was all a lie it would be YOU who'd have a great law suit ..... this biomom is really a disaster. I'm very sorry it went down like this. I think the ladies here have some great ideas! Good luck getting her stuff ready.
  16. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Linda... LOTS of hugs for you. No wisdom, just love.
  17. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    Linda, I'm so sorry. You probably don't remember me but I've been around the board awhile and I remember what you've been through ... this is more than anyone should have to cope with. But I agree with witz, and she said it so well: the threat to sue is nonsense, it's hurtful but no attorney would take that case. And as for family photos? No way can any child 'claim' family photos, they are your property. For that matter, a minor child doesn't own anything, anything at all, and every bit of furniture, clothing, and other paraphernalia she ever had in your home legally belongs to you, not to her. She owns nothing that she didn't buy herself, with her own money, after she turned 18. I think, in your shoes, I'd be looking at protecting myself through mailing her anything you think is truly hers, not opening the door to her, not letting police come through as though you're a suspected thief, not buying into any of this drama and vitriol at all. Put your family photos in a safe deposit box and don't take them out until you feel like it. Don't make yourself available to her, since she is taking this attitude. Just ... be good to yourself after all these years. Do what protects YOU, and don't feel guilty. Many hugs.

    Oops ... red face ... somehow I missed the second page. But I'm glad you have things in hand, Linda! And - she stole your car two weeks ago and now proposes to turn up at your house? Sounds like an easy arrest to me, if you feel so inclined. One way or another, I'm very glad you're feeling better.
  18. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    I'm so,so sorry. They can sure cut deep. And they sure know how to push our buttons, don't they?

    This seems to me to be the 'adult' version of gfgness.

    I suspect she recalls more of living with biomom than she lets on -- that she's just having trouble accepting that anyone could treat their kids the way she and wm were treated. I suspect that when she has had time to mature and reflect on the past, put biomom's stuff into perspective, that kt'll be back. If she's lucky, you'll be ready for a truly adult relationship with your daughter. If she's not, well....hopefully she'll realize that you can't just keep kicking the ones you love and not expect the consequences.
  19. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    I am so so sorry - I can't imagine the hurt you feel and the worry and fear you have for their well being. When we become mothers, I think we realize that we will ALWAYS love our kids "no matter what" and we put their well being before our own...and we never anticipate that they could hurt us so badly despite it. It wasn't supposed to work that way. I am sorry you are hurting so and I wish you peace in your journey ahead...
  20. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    She stole your car and then does this? Oh hell to the no! Was she living at your house at the time or was she living with biomonster? If she was with biomonster I hope you pressed grand theft charges. Even if she was living with you, it was unauthorized use. Yes you need a protective order against the whole gaggle of them now. Its time for you to have peace in your life. Let them have time to grow up. Perhaps if they cant contact you for a year or two it will be good.