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<blockquote data-quote="ChickPea" data-source="post: 753774" data-attributes="member: 24089"><p>I'm so sorry. My heart goes out to you. You're right - it is not their fault for what they have seen and lived through. It must be absolutely heartbreaking to see your grandchild exhibiting these behaviors (and frightening, too).</p><p></p><p>I applaud you for protecting yourself and the other grandchildren. Good for you. Unfortunately they "system" doesn't always think about the people living with the uncontrollable teens.</p><p></p><p>Yesterday I was given a nugget of advice: <strong>"Remember, you control what you tolerate... you teach others what behaviors you accept."</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p>I'm sure we've all heard this a million times before, including myself, but yesterday it made it around a corner of my brain and stayed there for me to think on. I can't change my daughter, but I do have control over my reaction to some of her reprehensible behaviors. Not only is it helpful to my own mental/physical health, but it also is a reminder to her what is an acceptable way to interact with people (including myself).</p><p></p><p>I started to blame myself a bit after thinking on this, like <em>I've allowed some of these behaviors to pass here and there, and I should have modeled a different response to her</em>. But I've let that go.</p><p></p><p>Maybe focus on the fact that you are keeping them safe from these outbursts AND you are also showing the oldest what you tolerate. You love him, but you can't tolerate those abusive outbursts. Hopefully that will sink in as he forms his behavior sets/personalities. </p><p></p><p>Anyway, my thoughts for now. Much love.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ChickPea, post: 753774, member: 24089"] I'm so sorry. My heart goes out to you. You're right - it is not their fault for what they have seen and lived through. It must be absolutely heartbreaking to see your grandchild exhibiting these behaviors (and frightening, too). I applaud you for protecting yourself and the other grandchildren. Good for you. Unfortunately they "system" doesn't always think about the people living with the uncontrollable teens. Yesterday I was given a nugget of advice: [B]"Remember, you control what you tolerate... you teach others what behaviors you accept." [/B] I'm sure we've all heard this a million times before, including myself, but yesterday it made it around a corner of my brain and stayed there for me to think on. I can't change my daughter, but I do have control over my reaction to some of her reprehensible behaviors. Not only is it helpful to my own mental/physical health, but it also is a reminder to her what is an acceptable way to interact with people (including myself). I started to blame myself a bit after thinking on this, like [I]I've allowed some of these behaviors to pass here and there, and I should have modeled a different response to her[/I]. But I've let that go. Maybe focus on the fact that you are keeping them safe from these outbursts AND you are also showing the oldest what you tolerate. You love him, but you can't tolerate those abusive outbursts. Hopefully that will sink in as he forms his behavior sets/personalities. Anyway, my thoughts for now. Much love. [/QUOTE]
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