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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 753795" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>He is 15, Copa. He can choose to be better. He likes to dominate, control. There are groups that meet but he says he does not want help.</p><p></p><p> That is my role, Albie, thank you for stating this. I have oft said to him that he would feel horrible if he hurt his brother or sister in a rage. I’m not willing to wait for the “next time.” That’s what the social worker was saying, the next time it happens, removed. The last time was horrible enough and I could feel tension building up for another explosion. I hope he eventually sees that it was a necessary protection for all of us. </p><p></p><p> That old saying “Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness” kept running through my head. That is exactly what was happening, Copa, he was mimicking, domineering. While I was driving he would try to reach over to honk the horn, he would road rage, I forbade that. He would move his toothbrush into my bathroom. A very subtle message. If I got up from my chair to get a glass of water, he would sit in it. It was a daily list of small hints that turned into yelling “get out of my room” “stop irritating me, I’m warning you”. He would bark orders to his brother or sister and insist they had to listen because he is the oldest. If they balked, he would scream at them, insult them, “shut the f up you clown.” Looming over his brother taunting him to fight. He refused to get up for school. I was late to work countless times. He said I was too old to meet his friends. But, I wasn’t too old to chauffeur him places. He refused to help and do chores which led to his siblings to do the same. He would start fights over it. The therapists said I should start a chore routine, I told them I was too busy putting out fires. </p><p>He was getting increasingly belligerent, sullen, full of himself. Early on, I found bottles of pee in his room. Recently, I found a milk jug of it under his bed. His grandfather did the same. </p><p>Awful. </p><p>All of this with the violent episodes is unacceptable. He is choosing to act this way. I cannot keep him in the house. His siblings don’t have a chance to heal as long as he is here.</p><p>Period.</p><p>I meet with a new therapist and the social worker to sign papers for more intense treatment. I am sure they will try to convince me to bring him back. Why else would I have to sign papers if I already signed him over to CWS? I am no longer his caregiver, or so they say. I am learning to be on my guard. The social worker has already played with my emotions, messed his removal up and is trying to blame me. I am very leery of this dilapidated, understaffed, overloaded foster care system. I get different answers from different workers. I need to write all of my concerns down and keep record and notes of everything. My worker has told me several times that I am the parent and if something happens to the kids I can be taken to court.</p><p>Many people have told me that is absurd.</p><p>So tomorrow when I go, I am going with a list of my own questions and concerns.</p><p>Thank you everyone, your support and help is immeasurable.</p><p>Leafy</p><p>Ps, if only their biological parents were so throughly scrutinized!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 753795, member: 19522"] He is 15, Copa. He can choose to be better. He likes to dominate, control. There are groups that meet but he says he does not want help. That is my role, Albie, thank you for stating this. I have oft said to him that he would feel horrible if he hurt his brother or sister in a rage. I’m not willing to wait for the “next time.” That’s what the social worker was saying, the next time it happens, removed. The last time was horrible enough and I could feel tension building up for another explosion. I hope he eventually sees that it was a necessary protection for all of us. That old saying “Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness” kept running through my head. That is exactly what was happening, Copa, he was mimicking, domineering. While I was driving he would try to reach over to honk the horn, he would road rage, I forbade that. He would move his toothbrush into my bathroom. A very subtle message. If I got up from my chair to get a glass of water, he would sit in it. It was a daily list of small hints that turned into yelling “get out of my room” “stop irritating me, I’m warning you”. He would bark orders to his brother or sister and insist they had to listen because he is the oldest. If they balked, he would scream at them, insult them, “shut the f up you clown.” Looming over his brother taunting him to fight. He refused to get up for school. I was late to work countless times. He said I was too old to meet his friends. But, I wasn’t too old to chauffeur him places. He refused to help and do chores which led to his siblings to do the same. He would start fights over it. The therapists said I should start a chore routine, I told them I was too busy putting out fires. He was getting increasingly belligerent, sullen, full of himself. Early on, I found bottles of pee in his room. Recently, I found a milk jug of it under his bed. His grandfather did the same. Awful. All of this with the violent episodes is unacceptable. He is choosing to act this way. I cannot keep him in the house. His siblings don’t have a chance to heal as long as he is here. Period. I meet with a new therapist and the social worker to sign papers for more intense treatment. I am sure they will try to convince me to bring him back. Why else would I have to sign papers if I already signed him over to CWS? I am no longer his caregiver, or so they say. I am learning to be on my guard. The social worker has already played with my emotions, messed his removal up and is trying to blame me. I am very leery of this dilapidated, understaffed, overloaded foster care system. I get different answers from different workers. I need to write all of my concerns down and keep record and notes of everything. My worker has told me several times that I am the parent and if something happens to the kids I can be taken to court. Many people have told me that is absurd. So tomorrow when I go, I am going with a list of my own questions and concerns. Thank you everyone, your support and help is immeasurable. Leafy Ps, if only their biological parents were so throughly scrutinized! [/QUOTE]
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