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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 753854" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hello all,</p><p>The rage is so overpowering that it replaces all else. The mechanics of this I’ve read is that they are operating in the reactionary portion of the brain, it has overpowered and shut down all reasoning. I understand the why of it, but can’t and won’t deal with the possibility that in this state, he may seriously harm himself or any one of us.</p><p>I don’t know Busy, I would like to think that with the right therapy and care, my grandson could rise above. It’s so hard factoring in his awful past, being 15, using pot daily, hanging out with the wrong crowd. I was pretty lost at 15. Not violent, but searching for answers in all the wrong places. He has a chance to change. I hope he wants better for himself.</p><p></p><p> At this time, he is dangerous. To himself and others. I can’t have that in my home.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Thank you RN. It is a horrible decision to have to make, but his behaviors are what drove it.</p><p>It is terrifying. My son is very mellow. The most I have seen from him is a bad mood, and he would retreat to his room, then apologize for being a jerk the next day. He spoiled me! I don’t even watch violent shows, never had the taste for them.</p><p></p><p>Thank you Lil. I had to choose peace in my home for my sake and also for my two grands. How can they heal being in constant fear of the next episode? He groomed them as victims and was trying to do the same with me.</p><p></p><p></p><p>I have not seen her Lil. She called wanting to use a chainsaw. I didn’t have one and that is the last I heard from her. Hopefully no news is good news?</p><p> Correct. He is aping the male figures in his life.</p><p> I am hoping it will be a turning point. It took a long time to learn these behaviors and will take a lot of effort to learn differently.</p><p> I hope so too, but truthfully, I am leery. He is smart and knows how to “work” people for his benefit. </p><p>There is a lot of research about brain development and theories on behaviors stemming from trauma and attachment issues even from within the womb. I am trying to learn as much as I can because it helps me process the grief of it all.</p><p> It is what it is. I can learn as much as humanly possible but that does not take away from the behaviors occurring in my home. I am trying to find ways to deal with the culmination of neglect and abandonment. This is not a normal situation by any means.</p><p></p><p> They each have their own way of processing and acting out. I feel that I am facing these extreme behaviors because therapy is peeling back layers of buried experiences. They are not held back with fear that they will be punished by uncles or grandparents. They have to learn whole new ways to express themselves. If they are flashing back to trauma experienced at two or three years old, that is how they present, as toddlers. It is very, very complicated, yet in a way simple? That they would reenact the terror with the mindset of the little child that witnessed it? Regression and aggression, fright, fight or flight. All of my grandchildren are filled with so much hurt and pain. It is frustrating. I can’t turn back the clock and fix it, but I can try to get them the help they need to process it and learn that there is a better life for them.</p><p></p><p>Oh Busy, thank you so much, I am not that wonderful! There are days when I am lamenting my chance to just be a cookie making grandma. But, I feel this is life choosing me for this responsibility. If I lived close to my Mom, I would take care of her. Who knows why we end up where we are? What does God want me to learn this time?</p><p></p><p> Thank you MissLulu. I miss my grandson, but not his behaviors. He was out of control and spinning down the rabbit hole rapidly. Full of himself, behaving like a tyrant. Can’t have that.</p><p> The chaos may have felt comfortable to <em>him, </em>that is all he knew. My younger grandson mused that they all wanted a better life than what they were living and his brothers version of that was to be able to do whatever he wanted. Not go to counseling and deal with issues. While younger grand misses his brother, I think he does know that it was a safety issue. It was not a good situation for the other two. They were being lorded over by their brother.</p><p> Thank you Blindsided. All that you wrote of is true. But, these behaviors are a manifestation of what he grew up with. Not to excuse the behaviors, but to understand as Copa said a child mimics what is displayed to them. It will take a lot of therapy to unravel the tapestry of it. Then they all shall have to choose their paths.</p><p></p><p> I do too, Blindsided. I have read that these kids feel deep shame for their behaviors. It is a maelstrom of emotion going on inside a traumatized child. I have read up on CPTSD, the c meaning chronic. Long lasting unrelenting trauma and the effects on a developing brain, the constant release of stress hormones, etc. It is eye opening.</p><p></p><p>Thank you JayPee. I see my younger grands going through the emotional roller coaster of missing brother, relief that our home is more peaceful, guilt that they feel that way. It will be a task to process it all. These kids have lived a lifetime of extremes. It will be a long road to recovery. All I can offer them is love, hopefully stability and help. I have to hope that my eldest grandson will eventually understand why he had to leave our home. I have to give him over to God and hope and pray he will choose a better path.</p><p>Thank you all for your comfort and guidance</p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 753854, member: 19522"] Hello all, The rage is so overpowering that it replaces all else. The mechanics of this I’ve read is that they are operating in the reactionary portion of the brain, it has overpowered and shut down all reasoning. I understand the why of it, but can’t and won’t deal with the possibility that in this state, he may seriously harm himself or any one of us. I don’t know Busy, I would like to think that with the right therapy and care, my grandson could rise above. It’s so hard factoring in his awful past, being 15, using pot daily, hanging out with the wrong crowd. I was pretty lost at 15. Not violent, but searching for answers in all the wrong places. He has a chance to change. I hope he wants better for himself. At this time, he is dangerous. To himself and others. I can’t have that in my home. Thank you RN. It is a horrible decision to have to make, but his behaviors are what drove it. It is terrifying. My son is very mellow. The most I have seen from him is a bad mood, and he would retreat to his room, then apologize for being a jerk the next day. He spoiled me! I don’t even watch violent shows, never had the taste for them. Thank you Lil. I had to choose peace in my home for my sake and also for my two grands. How can they heal being in constant fear of the next episode? He groomed them as victims and was trying to do the same with me. I have not seen her Lil. She called wanting to use a chainsaw. I didn’t have one and that is the last I heard from her. Hopefully no news is good news? Correct. He is aping the male figures in his life. I am hoping it will be a turning point. It took a long time to learn these behaviors and will take a lot of effort to learn differently. I hope so too, but truthfully, I am leery. He is smart and knows how to “work” people for his benefit. There is a lot of research about brain development and theories on behaviors stemming from trauma and attachment issues even from within the womb. I am trying to learn as much as I can because it helps me process the grief of it all. It is what it is. I can learn as much as humanly possible but that does not take away from the behaviors occurring in my home. I am trying to find ways to deal with the culmination of neglect and abandonment. This is not a normal situation by any means. They each have their own way of processing and acting out. I feel that I am facing these extreme behaviors because therapy is peeling back layers of buried experiences. They are not held back with fear that they will be punished by uncles or grandparents. They have to learn whole new ways to express themselves. If they are flashing back to trauma experienced at two or three years old, that is how they present, as toddlers. It is very, very complicated, yet in a way simple? That they would reenact the terror with the mindset of the little child that witnessed it? Regression and aggression, fright, fight or flight. All of my grandchildren are filled with so much hurt and pain. It is frustrating. I can’t turn back the clock and fix it, but I can try to get them the help they need to process it and learn that there is a better life for them. Oh Busy, thank you so much, I am not that wonderful! There are days when I am lamenting my chance to just be a cookie making grandma. But, I feel this is life choosing me for this responsibility. If I lived close to my Mom, I would take care of her. Who knows why we end up where we are? What does God want me to learn this time? Thank you MissLulu. I miss my grandson, but not his behaviors. He was out of control and spinning down the rabbit hole rapidly. Full of himself, behaving like a tyrant. Can’t have that. The chaos may have felt comfortable to [I]him, [/I]that is all he knew. My younger grandson mused that they all wanted a better life than what they were living and his brothers version of that was to be able to do whatever he wanted. Not go to counseling and deal with issues. While younger grand misses his brother, I think he does know that it was a safety issue. It was not a good situation for the other two. They were being lorded over by their brother. Thank you Blindsided. All that you wrote of is true. But, these behaviors are a manifestation of what he grew up with. Not to excuse the behaviors, but to understand as Copa said a child mimics what is displayed to them. It will take a lot of therapy to unravel the tapestry of it. Then they all shall have to choose their paths. I do too, Blindsided. I have read that these kids feel deep shame for their behaviors. It is a maelstrom of emotion going on inside a traumatized child. I have read up on CPTSD, the c meaning chronic. Long lasting unrelenting trauma and the effects on a developing brain, the constant release of stress hormones, etc. It is eye opening. Thank you JayPee. I see my younger grands going through the emotional roller coaster of missing brother, relief that our home is more peaceful, guilt that they feel that way. It will be a task to process it all. These kids have lived a lifetime of extremes. It will be a long road to recovery. All I can offer them is love, hopefully stability and help. I have to hope that my eldest grandson will eventually understand why he had to leave our home. I have to give him over to God and hope and pray he will choose a better path. Thank you all for your comfort and guidance (((Hugs))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
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