The David and Justin a day in the life or?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DavidH, Feb 13, 2008.

  1. DavidH

    DavidH Guest

    Hello ladies (and the few men on here!)

    I have been real busy (a good thing) with my new job already got a great raise and promoted to Regional Manager of 3 stores.. and I am to open 3 more stores in NC by May 31st... phew that was a fast promo!! But I am happy

    Guess what... I have not had a drop of Alcohol in over a week!! that is a first in many years.. and I do not even miss it... zero desire wow I started by going a day or so with nothing as a test (I always was forcing my self too have a drink even though I had no desire I just did it I know makes no sense!!) and then I just got up one AM and poured out the half full bottle and said enough is enough Justin has to make changes so now it is one more change dad has to make...

    Ok enough about me.. :)

    Justin.. oh my little Justin... what a wonderful blessing from God he is... I am 1000% sold on the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) he is in.. during my research for help and a program for him I heard many great things about this program... while not perfect they are helping my Son become a responsible man..

    I got his school progress report.. I almost fell down on the floor, I opened it and I even started crying.. in shock and amazement then I could not hold it in and had to call all of my family and spread the word... there is a God!!

    He went from d's and f's for the last 3 years ... and the last report card I saw c's and d's and now that little terd is all ALL A's and B's in ALL subjects........................ with glowing reports from each teacher about how much he has improved in the last few months.. participating in class asking for help when needed, wanting to do extra projects to move along in school faster.. only issue is English.. he got a low B in it.. (strange for him) But good night he got a high A, even in Algebra I - he hates Algebra I !!!!!

    We had family day last Saturday he was in good sprits and he seemed to want lots of hugs (fine by me!) he was doing very well we just hung out.. and then bam a surprise... (he always wanted to learn to play guitar) they said to our groups parents... we have a special for you guys.. follow us to the outdoor stage... we do.. and all the boys in his group get up on stage INCLUDING JUSTIN... AMAZING - he picks up a guitar and they play and Sing "Walk the Line" (by Johnny Cash?) and Justin Played and did awesome! I almost fell over again... he never in a million years would have gotten up in front of people before...

    The day goes on.. we eat lunch.. he stuffs himself full of deserts.. crazy kid.. but hey they do not get many sweets out there.

    We go back to just hang out, but he has to stay and clean up with another boy... (his best friend that was there for aftercare, he was released first of Jan.) Justin came back out and whoa.. he is upset / depressed.. I let him be for a moment - then ask what is it in your head, he says they made me clean up and took my time away from you it is not fair!. I just placed my hand on his back and told him, it is what it is.. sometimes things do not work the way you want them to and we just go on... then about 30 mins later he is still kinda depressed.. I ask once more.. what is in your head Justin.. part of treatment is dealing with your issues so what is going on.. your not acting the way you should right now... He said.. I know I am ok I just am thinking about how hard this is (was getting close to going home for parents) I see you come and it is so hard when you have to leave.. I miss home, I miss BJ (his dog) ... I just express how proud I am of the progress he is making and how long it has been that he is proving himself.. I ask.. is this place helping you? he says Yes... I say ok then.. we work it and we look forward to the day you come home...

    He spruces up... he is good and we leave it at that

    God I am one proud Dad
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    David, Way To Go to both you and Justin. Sounds like progress on all fronts. May it continue!
  3. daralex

    daralex Clinging onto my sanity

    SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO glad for you!!! It must be an amazing feeling!:happyguy:It's so nice to hear that things are going well! Congratulations on the job promotion and mostly on Justin - soak in the moment!!!!
  4. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    What a great report. The biggest plus in all of it is that he sees that it is helping him. It is so much easier to work the program that way.

    And the second biggest plus (well, maybe the biggest in the long run), you've quit drinking! Keep up the good work. If you get the urge to start again, please talk to someone -- a friend, family member, even AA. Anything that will get you over the urge.

    You've come a long way, baby!!!

    (And, yes, Johnny Cash did Walk the Line -- love that song. It is a fitting song for both of you.)
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    David, big applause from me! I think our making positive changes helps our kids. You did GREAT! Now keep it up :)
  6. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Terrific to hear Justin is doing the work required to help him live the life he wants. I sometimes think this difficult child's are so wrapped up in chaos and emotions that they are grateful for structure and direction until they can right themselves. I'm glad he had a down period while you were there and you can talk it through with him. That's reality and life. It can't be all honeymoon.
    I think you have to prepare yourself for some slippage back into old behaviors and then hopefully a push through to more emotional growth.

    As far as you and changing your drinking. Way to go!!! I never met anyone who got smarter with a drink. Right now, you need your wits to continue to excel at your new job. You need to so the same work Justin is doing. Putting the mirror up to see yourself for what you are is good for everyone. Keep trying every day to start fresh and with optimism that this is the day that alcohol won't control you. Of course, the experts recommend support system like AA. You may want to work with that thought. Good luck.
  7. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    What a good report David. I'm glad things are better for both of you.
  8. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Great news!
  9. 4sumrzn

    4sumrzn New Member

    Brought happy tears to my eyes. I'm glad to hear the positives for you & Justin both! Wonderful!
  10. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    What great news, David. So glad to hear that Justin is working the program, and seeing that he is benefiting from it. And, congratulations to you on quitting drinking. You need a clear head.

    Also great news about the job and promotion. You have every right to be proud, of Justin AND of yourself.

    Way To Go!

  11. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat


    What a wonderful thing to read. You have every right to be proud of your son. He has come leaps and bounds.

    As has his dad. Way to go, David. Your post sounded like you are on cloud nine. Fantastic news on the job, and even better news that you stopped drinking.

    I have happy tears for you two men.
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    I am so happy for both of you. There will be tough times, but the happier times are worth the work!!

    Congrats on the promotion. sounds like you were what they were looking for, and they were what you needed also!

    Fran is correct about alcohol not making anyone smarter. A week is great! Keep up with it, and AA CAN help you make the changes DAD needs to continue with, if you want to go that way.


  13. Star*

    Star* call 911


    I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!! I hope you continue your sobriety for life. And you are right - if Justin can do life altering behavior changes - SO CAN YOU!

    I want you to think about something for a minute - YOU are the only person in Justin's life that will care about him, love him, and know him like you do. Don't ever do anything to take 1 minute away from that.

    As far as him in the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and doing well. Super! Just keep in mind - that at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) there are a ton of supports, and staff and kids just like Justin with similar behavioral issues. Some kids actually Do work the program and are able to leave with minimal supports. Some kids leave and get put out into the real world - and fail over and over because the real world sadly isn't like the supportive Residential Treatment Center (RTC), and the kids are cruel - not understanding like they are there. Just be prepared for backsliding - and find out now how to help prevent it and NOT be taken in by false promises from difficult child.

    Your statement about him being upset about you leaving took me to places in my memories I have not been in some years. And yes - they do get upset when they have to give up a minute of time with us - but tell him that every single minute that he is there - is helping him to be ABLE to come home for good so that you both get along, and one day - when he's ready neither of you will have to be at this place - and then ALL his time will be at home. Sometimes that helped my son when we left.

    Other times - I could only muster up an uh huh, luv you while biting the inside of my cheek to hamburger only to get to the car and fall apart in a miserable, sobbing heap. What kept me going was knowing some day - we'd be together.

    Sounds like you guys are doing good - and yes - OF COURSE there is a GOD. Silly man - who do you think is holding you up while you aren't drinking? (God slaps his forehead and says OY)

  14. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    What an inspiring post. I sincerely hope and pray that life continues to
    move forward. DDD
  15. navineja

    navineja New Member

    BIIIIGGGGG woooo-hoooooo to both of you!
  16. DavidH

    DavidH Guest

    Wow thank you all..

    I will continue with the "Me" project.. hey made it another day! one day at a time.. and I will tell ya this site alone is a HUGE help.. as I have said before.. Justin would be home by now if I had not got the feel of "support" from this site alone.. as you all know I was crazed back begining of Dec when I first found you guys (gals) ...

    Spoke to Justin last night for the weekly phone call... and one more big thing.. each boy earns hours each week.. justin was averaging 3 to 5 hours a week, but he was able to earn up to 8 hours a week for a home pass... to be at 24 hours every 3 weeks.. well he just had his best week ever since entering the Residential Treatment Center (RTC).. he got 7 hours .. trust me that is HUGE and hard to do... he lost the one hours because some of his paper work he has to do each week (not for schooling) has to be signed at night.. well he was getting it signed in the AM.. (gives you an idea how tough they are, but for a good reason)

    Thank each of you..
  17. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    David! I'm so, so happy for you AND Justin! What wonderful news...

    when you first started on the board, I felt so sorry for you, you really were in the center of hard times! But look at what a short period of time can do to a person's existance...

    you have so much to be proud of; both you and Justin on this whirlwind of change! It's so fantastic that you've decided to give up the alcohol and drown yourself in life rather than a bottle! You're lucky to have Justin and he's so lucky to have you!

    Keep us up to date! We're soooo rooting for you guys!


    PS: Congrats on the promotion...your boss must be just as impressed as the rest of us are!!!