The Doo Doo Birds Have Been Delivered

[Nomad]

and soon will land...
If you recall in what seems like the never ending drama of life with a difficult child...
Our difficult child allowed her old friend and her child to stay with her in her apartment. She was visiting her husband who was in prison here for some sort of court hearing. When the girl arrived, she had in tow her newborn child and her brother in addition to the child difficult child knew about originally. The meant four people. + difficult child. difficult child only has an efficiency apt. This led to a very weird cascade of problems and we had difficulty getting her to leave.
This morning she (and group) finally left. husband and I bought two car seats at Goodwill. We hired a service (we had a connection that we forgot about!). We had them pick them up and take them to the airport AND we are going to get the car seats back. We hope to have a garage sale in the Fall...perhaps we'll get the money back for those things!
Meanwhile...I am desperate to finish my school work. difficult child was here all week interrupting me. So, we sent her to another city to visit a friend.
Her landlord has her on "probation" and has settled down a bit. I'm sending in a housekeeper to the place today to clean it up. It's not all that bad really. As soon as she gets back (difficult child) she has an appointment with her therapist, who she is no longer seeing regularly. Either husband or I will go with her to discuss her role in all of this. Meanwhile, she has agreed to go twice a week to the free center for group therapy. They are even willing to provide the transportation. A bus picks her up in the morning. She started right before she left for her trip and it will resume when she gets back.
husband is home at the moment...asleep in bed. He says he is overly tired and I don't blame him. I need to get my paper finished....this has been a horrible saga and I HOPE that difficult child remembers. husband says that in her mind, it was HORRIBLE living at home for a week 'cause we made her keep her room clean (we turned it into a guest room and its real nice) and eat tv dinners cause I wouldn't cook for her or take her out. I do know she was bored and lonely. I do hope her therapist and the group therapy folks will talk with her about this...cause not much is sinking through. We spoke with one of her good friends and they too plan on speaking with her. In addition, the Landlord is going to tell her that she is not allowed to have anyone sleep over the in future.
Keeping my fingers crossed that something sinks in.
For those of you who have difficult children in apartments, are "sleepovers" a common thing and does it lead to big problems?
Thanks for all your help in this...we are very happy that we took all of difficult children expensive things out of the apartment (made us feel safe) and do think that its possible when they realized we were going to call the cops back in again they decided to stick to their word and get out and do it peacefully. In addition, in their mind anyway, they played a role in the decision as to when they were going to leave and therefore were not disrespected. I am EXHAUSTED and continually amazed at the wierd goings on of life in the world of a difficult child. It's confusing, sad, exhausting and sometimes frightening.

 

[WhymeMom?]

Glad the "sleepover" has come to a successful end for you. Think the landlord's statement of no more friends in the apartment will have the greatest effect. She can now feel free to say NO and blame it on him.....sometimes that's all they need, someone else to blame it on. If you would have said this it would have meant nothing.......glad your saga is over and in our dealings with our difficult child rarely having friends there helped. So few were GOOD influences.......

 

[meowbunny]

Yup, "sleepovers" are common. It's how my daughter ended up moving out and living with people a couple of times. Of course, it never worked out and that's how she ultimately ended up homeless. Now that she has an apartment there seems to be a constant parade of kids. So far, it is all people she and her roommate know (other than the girls her roomie picks up for the night) but I have all the faith in the world that will change some time in the future.

I know it is hard, but some of it is part of the growing up process. Our kids so desparately want to be liked and respected. Once they have an apartment, they have something many kids their age don't have and it becomes a hangout for drinking, drugs, partying. Stinks for us parents but our kids THINK they are having fun. It does seem that sooner or later they wake up and put a stop to at least some of it.

I'm glad this drama is over. Let's hope she did learn something and takes her landlord's words to heart, even though I think no sleepovers at all is a little harsh.

Good luck on the next saga.

 

[janebrain]

I don't like to think of what may be going on in my difficult child 1's apartment. I am so glad she is far away and the lease is in her name. I know the boyfriend moved in with her soon after she got it--just as my husband predicted. As soon as he knew she had a place to live he was there. They have a puppy and now also my easy child son is living there. Also, difficult child is pregnant and expecting in late November. She tells me how clean the place is, they are always cleaning....right! She tells me whatever she thinks I want to hear and as long as I don't actually have to be confronted with the reality I will go with that!

So glad the "friends" are gone, that must be such a relief to you! I hope things are drama-free for awhile for you!

Jane

 

[Nomad]

Thank you for the ideas and comments.
A friend of mine with a difficult child in a nearby...but a good 45 minute drive away city...said that it is such a relief that she does NOT know a thing about what is going on with- the state of her difficult children place.

One of the reason's I've been able to get anything done in the last 9 months is that difficult child has been out of my house for the first time. I have been moving double time.

I haven't gotten anything done this week and even now, I'm moving at a snail's pace. husband isn't much better. I/we didn't count on being burned out.

For those so inclined, prayers welcomed. We both have deadlines tomorrow and are concerned about making them because we are blurry eyed, etc. We see now that difficult child can never live with- us again.

Good thoughts/prayer welcomed. Thank you for everything.

 

[Star*]

Okay - here's the upside take from the 'farside'-

YOUR difficult child is actually LESS of a difficult child (has apt, going to therapy, has possessions in her apt. ) than the woman, brother and 2 children who were AT her apt.

-ain't life weird?

Glad they are gone.

 

[Fran]

difficult child has an occasional sleep over. Maybe guys don't do the slumber party thing. Your daughter has an incredible number of friends. It's a good indicator of her social skills.
I think if she didn't call you to fix things that it is really not something I would involve myself in. The whole point is for her to learn independent living. Since you had to clean up the mess then you have a right to tell her what the boundaries are until she is able to navigate the adult world herself.

 

[Nomad]

Great point Star...thanks!
Jane...Just re-read your post and didn't realize your difficult child was pregnant. (hugs)
MB...difficult child got a taste of what some folks thought having your own apt. means. difficult child is anti-drug. She had trouble figuring out who used drugs and who did not. She gets lonely and this helps to cloud her thinking, which is a little weak anyway. The apt. was a hangout...big time. This led to many problems...not all posted here. This has really improved...difficult child has toughened up...until the recent mess...when she got in over her head. I agree, part of the growing up process...but I still am surprised at times that what seems basic to me takes unusual effort and repeated scares/near misses/great upheaval to have difficult child see the light. I do believe much of this stems from loneliness and insecurity...something we have discussed on this board before...
Fran...Little confused by your comment??? difficult child called a couple of times to complain about the squatter and we encouraged her to "handle it " on her own. With each call she was more nervous. One day, difficult child called in a panic and very stressed re: the girl refusing to leave...and she ASKED FOR HELP. ...things really escalated from there and we were concerned for difficult children safety in more than one way. difficult children social skills need MUCH improvement...too much to go into here. I agree about one thing, we have a right to tell her what the boundaries are esp. since she still needs much assistance in the world. She is making tiny inroads in a variety of ways.

Thank you to all who were helpful and who celebrated with me as I said goodbye to the psuedo squatters!

 

[mom_to_3]

That is one crazy story! I had no idea something like that could happen. What a sheltered life I have led. I'm sorry you had to learn about this, you sound really frazzled. I hope when this finally settles and you get your paper done, you can get some much needed relaxation in for yourself.

 

[susiestar]

Glad they are gone. Also glad you realize and both agree that difficult child can't live with you again. It seemed very stressful to have her live with you, eps when you had a lot to get done and she didn't help.

Sending positive thoughts to help clear your minds so you can both meet your deadlines!

Hugs,

Susie

 

[Hound dog]

I LOVE the point Star made!!

And I am greatly releaved the sleepover guests are gone and the saga has come to an end. Whew! Phew!

((hugs))