The dumbest question on earth, but I really don't know the answer.

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by MidwestMom, Jul 9, 2011.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Ok, this is such a dumb question, but I need feedback.

    Jumper is my fifth child, however my other four kids were not as social as early. My two sons didn't date in high school. My oldest daughter (cough), well, she dated and used drugs, but the kids she associated with usually didn't come to the house or we probably would have thrown them out. Sonic has autism and doesn't date.

    Jumper has a very nice boyfriend. He's a farmer's kid, two jobs (plus works on the farm), a strong christian, and she is only his second girlfriend. He is very shy and quiet. Tomorrow he is going to spend all day here because he lives an hour away and has to buy his own gas (strict parents...they have money, but he has to work for it). What do I, as a parent, do to make the day long visit enjoyable? I want to try to talk to him a bit, but, like I said, he is shy and quiet and I only want to ask appropriate questions. Any suggestions? What else should I do? This is a small house and there is no way the kids will be off in one room where we barely see one another. This is actually my first experience with having a high schooler's boyfriend coming over. Jumper describes him as a "total geek who loves to read and spends most of his time studying." He also loves sports and is being recruited for football next year (he is going to be a senior this year).

    We do have a very large back yard with a fire pit and big trampoline. I was thinking of buying a volleyball/badmitten combination because Jumper has been told that she has to bring ALL of her friends over to our house more often. She tends to prefer going elsewhere because she says our house is "boring" but we put our foot down that every third time she is with a friend she has to bring that friend here.

    I realize I'm making a big deal out of this, but I'm incredibly shy and often find myself speechless and self-conscious with people I don't know. It is hard for me to break the ice, although I do fine once I'm comfortable. It is harder when the other person is also shy. Sometimes I think I may have Aspergers, but I've seen several NeuroPsychs because I have a lot of soft neurological symptoms and not one of them thinks there is any chance of that. Maybe it's because I have a great imagination, any rate...sometimes I am as socially hampered as an Aspie. an Aspie may ask, I am going to does one behave around a young girl's first boyfriend? I wish I just knew how to act around people I don't know...grrrrrrrrrrrr! :)
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I can't imagine myself letting a 14yo have a boyfriend who apparently is at least 16 (since he's driving, right?). So I have no idea. Board games, cook out, movies? Dunno. What do they have in common?
  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Hot dogs for the fire, maybe board games. Movies & popcorn are good... I'd ask her about the badminton/volleyball thing.

    And don't sweat it... They will be fine. :wink:
  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Tye dying T-shirts?
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Thanks. They have SPORTS in common...both are fanatical athletes. They MUST get along well as they text They also have some friends in common.

    Yes, he is older than her, but seems "safer" than many of the boys her own age.
  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Well, since I'm pretty much sports illiterate, except for college football, I guess I'd just ask them. I know you're the type of mom to make sure your daughter stays safe....
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    This boy is so into school and football and so anti-partying and into his church that I am not afraid of her being with him at all. When he takes her to HIS house, his parents are home (his father works on the farm and his stepmom is a stay-at-home). My daughter is kind of a prude and told him in advance "'s not happening" and he said he was a Christian and didn't believe in sex before marriage. I mean, there are no guarantees, but it's about as much of a dream boyfriend for MOM as one can find...I want him to like us because he has had a good influence on her as far as trying very hard with our summer tutor so that she can get her grades up. He cares a lot about school and is encouraging her to try as hard as she can and even said he'd help her.

    After she comes home from watching a baseball game with her girl friends, we are going to Walmart to get some munchies for tomorrow. I guess I'll think of what to say as it comes to me.
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Movies, video games, music, you have access to a community swimming pool they could go to during the day maybe? If not, how bout just playing in the hose? Even teens like this stuff. I would have a simple meal of hot dogs or hamburgers...watermelon maybe.

    She will probably appreciate it more if you are just around the edges than hanging right in there with her.
  9. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Truthfully I would just ask her. She understands your personality and she now probably understands his, too. "Jumper, when your friend is here to visit what do you expect the day to be?" It wouldn't hurt to say "I want to make sure we are all comfortable."

    I've never had that exact experience because I am extroverted and only a couple of the eight kids had social limitations. Usually I "kinda" preplanned what I would do during those visits that were typical of me. Usually I was baking or cooking so the teens could be alone but with my presence obvious, lol.

    I wouldn't plan an event or activity unless my teen wanted me too. We did have board games, cards, popcorn etc. available all the time...nothing out of the ordinary. Let Jumper give you guidance. She's a good girl and they are trustworthy ( as much as teens can be trustworthy, lol ). It will be fine. DDD
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I was thinking of a barbecue, but Jumper said they're ordering pizza. When I asked her what she'd like Dad and me to do she said, "Nothing. It's ok."
    Guess I'll wing Jumper seems very comfortable with him, SHE is extroverted, I guess she can entertain him. We will talk to him at the right time :)
  11. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    He'll be a lot more nervous than you are!
  12. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    LOL HaoZi is right, he'll be much more nervous than you will.

    Ehh, I used to be sort o' shy myself.......... But I was pretty big on the boyfriend's come home, I HAVE to meet them ect spend some time with them. I want to know who my kid is with.

    Odd but by that point I was somewhat used to both Nichole and easy child's friends sleeping over a LOT. So when the boyfriend's arrived on the scene, they were treated just like another one of my kids. Some more so than others. If I didn't like them, I didn't lie about it. I'd be honest about why and let it resolve itself. I could still be polite ect while that person spent time in my house.

    My girls did movies and video games. We'd pop popcorn and make other snacks. Pizza was sometimes on the menu......but honestly home cooked meals were preferred by their friends and boyfriend's even though the girls thought it was boring. lol Card games and board games could be a hit too depending. Did a cook out sometimes, you could make smores.

    Sounds like Jumper has picked a winner with this boy. She's off to a good sound start in the world of dating. Although my girls weren't allowed to date until 16. If they saw a boy before that it HAD to be at my house or at his with his parents present. (and yes nichole's husband's parents dropped the ball in a huge way but that's another story)

    Just relax and have fun. Jumper knows both of you. She's informing him that her mom is a bit shy, so he most likely already knows. No biggie.