BloodiedButUnbowed
Well-Known Member
Hi everybody,
Just an update. You all are like a second family to me with everything we have been through, especially lately.
At the moment I am in a period of deep reflection. There is sadness, grief, anger and bitterness, along with a paralyzing fear of the unknown. After everything, and because of everything, I am no longer sure I am in the right place with my wife and her sons. If it wasn't for my fear of being alone, I would probably have already left. I am leaning toward departure but still have enough doubt that I have not taken any steps to do so as of yet.
I have withdrawn considerably from my wife. While she hasn't said anything directly, I suspect she senses my distance. She is still shell shocked by YS' suicide attempt and has little time or energy for me or our marriage.
As for me I feel used, depleted and drained by these horrible people. And I include my stepsons in that equation, DS in particular but even YS. He is carrying on with his life as though he didn't try to kill himself. His father is very happy to allow the resumption of the status quo.
I am very unhappy. I cannot talk to my wife about anything. She explodes into a rage each and every time believing that I am attacking her. Any concern or complaint I have, to her, is "criticism" and leads to her screaming and yelling, and sometimes becoming physically intimidating, though she has not struck me.
The next time she explodes will be the last - I tell myself. Since I am not ready to leave right now I have simply stopped trying to communicate with her at all. Due to her abusive behaviors and her unwillingness to acknowledge or address them, I can no longer trust her. Due to her inability to discuss anything of importance to me, this is an impossible situation with no solution except leaving. I feel our marriage has already died and is just awaiting burial. My heart has turned cold toward my wife and also her sons.
Sorry to be such a downer. I guess I just needed to vent.
I have been keeping up with threads here and responding occasionally. It seems quite a few of us are dealing with drama and shenanigans on the part of our difficult children. Let's help each other stay strong.
Just an update. You all are like a second family to me with everything we have been through, especially lately.
At the moment I am in a period of deep reflection. There is sadness, grief, anger and bitterness, along with a paralyzing fear of the unknown. After everything, and because of everything, I am no longer sure I am in the right place with my wife and her sons. If it wasn't for my fear of being alone, I would probably have already left. I am leaning toward departure but still have enough doubt that I have not taken any steps to do so as of yet.
I have withdrawn considerably from my wife. While she hasn't said anything directly, I suspect she senses my distance. She is still shell shocked by YS' suicide attempt and has little time or energy for me or our marriage.
As for me I feel used, depleted and drained by these horrible people. And I include my stepsons in that equation, DS in particular but even YS. He is carrying on with his life as though he didn't try to kill himself. His father is very happy to allow the resumption of the status quo.
I am very unhappy. I cannot talk to my wife about anything. She explodes into a rage each and every time believing that I am attacking her. Any concern or complaint I have, to her, is "criticism" and leads to her screaming and yelling, and sometimes becoming physically intimidating, though she has not struck me.
The next time she explodes will be the last - I tell myself. Since I am not ready to leave right now I have simply stopped trying to communicate with her at all. Due to her abusive behaviors and her unwillingness to acknowledge or address them, I can no longer trust her. Due to her inability to discuss anything of importance to me, this is an impossible situation with no solution except leaving. I feel our marriage has already died and is just awaiting burial. My heart has turned cold toward my wife and also her sons.
Sorry to be such a downer. I guess I just needed to vent.
I have been keeping up with threads here and responding occasionally. It seems quite a few of us are dealing with drama and shenanigans on the part of our difficult children. Let's help each other stay strong.