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The Watercooler
The elephant in the room for all with abusive relatives
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<blockquote data-quote="pasajes4" data-source="post: 640738" data-attributes="member: 12856"><p>I totally get it. My mother is abusive and mean spirited. She did have a horrific life in Nazi Germany. Married a GI to escape the past ( you can't). He turned out to be an abusive drunk. The 3 kids she gave birth too made her feel trapped in hell. She did not speak much English and was totally dependent on my dad. She became an alcoholic in order to cope. A day does not go by that she does not remind me that her horrible life was partially my fault.</p><p></p><p>I have learned to tune her out, repeat the mantra " It is her not me", I acknowledge that her life has not been easy (takes the wind out of her sail), change the subject, get off the phone/ leave. Does it hurt? It used to. Now it is just tiresome. I put up with her, because she is in her 90's and she is the only mother I have.</p><p></p><p>You are free to do as you please about your father. Things changed for me when I asked myself if I would have any regrets when she died and I had gone no contact.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="pasajes4, post: 640738, member: 12856"] I totally get it. My mother is abusive and mean spirited. She did have a horrific life in Nazi Germany. Married a GI to escape the past ( you can't). He turned out to be an abusive drunk. The 3 kids she gave birth too made her feel trapped in hell. She did not speak much English and was totally dependent on my dad. She became an alcoholic in order to cope. A day does not go by that she does not remind me that her horrible life was partially my fault. I have learned to tune her out, repeat the mantra " It is her not me", I acknowledge that her life has not been easy (takes the wind out of her sail), change the subject, get off the phone/ leave. Does it hurt? It used to. Now it is just tiresome. I put up with her, because she is in her 90's and she is the only mother I have. You are free to do as you please about your father. Things changed for me when I asked myself if I would have any regrets when she died and I had gone no contact. [/QUOTE]
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The elephant in the room for all with abusive relatives
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