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The Watercooler
The elephant in the room for all with abusive relatives
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 640818" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Lucy...I did not grieve for my mother. She hated me and did not mind showing it. Part of this was that I called out t he family on their stuff, even as a small girl. Part of it was that her mother (my grandma) adored me and stuck up for me over her. Maybe my grandma should not have done so, but dysfunctional families do not work together and my grandma gave me the empathy and compassion and any stability that I have today. I still feel grief over losing my grandma.</p><p></p><p>As for my mother, I grieved way before my mother died for the mother I wish she had been, but that wasn't her.</p><p></p><p>At her funeral I was there trying to comfort those who she had been nice to and who were really grieving. None of my kids went to her funeral. They had barely known her (her choice).</p><p></p><p>I will grieve for my father. We had a relationship...albeit a bad one. But it won't be the grief of a child who misses a loving parent. I will never think "Now that he's gone I miss him." You can't miss what you never really had.</p><p></p><p>About his dang will, I told him that it's his money and he can do whatever he wants with it. I did not say what I really felt which was he is NOT going to control me with the will, but he can't. It is sad when parents try to use that to make their grown children do what they want. It is even sadder when grown children do it because of the will.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 640818, member: 1550"] Lucy...I did not grieve for my mother. She hated me and did not mind showing it. Part of this was that I called out t he family on their stuff, even as a small girl. Part of it was that her mother (my grandma) adored me and stuck up for me over her. Maybe my grandma should not have done so, but dysfunctional families do not work together and my grandma gave me the empathy and compassion and any stability that I have today. I still feel grief over losing my grandma. As for my mother, I grieved way before my mother died for the mother I wish she had been, but that wasn't her. At her funeral I was there trying to comfort those who she had been nice to and who were really grieving. None of my kids went to her funeral. They had barely known her (her choice). I will grieve for my father. We had a relationship...albeit a bad one. But it won't be the grief of a child who misses a loving parent. I will never think "Now that he's gone I miss him." You can't miss what you never really had. About his dang will, I told him that it's his money and he can do whatever he wants with it. I did not say what I really felt which was he is NOT going to control me with the will, but he can't. It is sad when parents try to use that to make their grown children do what they want. It is even sadder when grown children do it because of the will. [/QUOTE]
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The elephant in the room for all with abusive relatives
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