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The elephant in the room for all with abusive relatives
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 641550" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Oh, Cedar, we have sooooooo he same way of seeing things, I think.</p><p></p><p>If my sister calls me, I think I will tell her that we have tried many, many times to work it out between us, but that maybe it's just best if we keep in low contact. Yes, I'll use that expression. Every time we talk too often, somehow she gets furious at me and cuts me off, without allowing me to even explain my point of view, and it is just too stressful and hurtful. The first time she did it, I was in my early 30's. I was so mortified because I loved my little sister so much, and she had not explained why she was doing it, that I kept calling her to try to get her to talk to me. She kept letting the phone just ring so, in tears, I drove over to her house. I tried to get her to open up. It's comical now that I think about the scene.</p><p></p><p>She is peeking from out of her drapes telling me to go away, she won't answer. I got so frustrated I took off my white tennis shoe (I can still see it) and threw it at her door, hitting it with a dull thud. Those were back in the days when I had more borderline traits than I do now...lol. The next thing I knew, the cops were there telling me that my sister felt threatened and I had to leave. Me, who never hit anyone in my life and she knew it. Anyhow, as I backed my car out of the driveway, it stalled...lol. So I was stuck in her driveway with the cop looking on and my sister peeking from behind the drapes of her house. My husband had to come to start the car. It was a scene out of a sitcom, really. Me with only one shoe on, holding the other one, getting out of the car, saying to the cop, "I would leave, but my car stalled" and the way he tried to hide a smile. I think he thought it was all sort of a joke.</p><p></p><p>That was the beginning of her using the cops to control me when we were in a cut off. If I dared call her or even sent her a letter trying to reconcile during a cut off, she called the cops and said I was harassing her and, yes, a cop would stop by. She must have done the cops thing ten times. I mean, tell me, how can you have any sort of rational relationship with somebody who does THAT? A few times the cops acted apologetic. She kind of got a name for herself for calling so often.</p><p></p><p>Still I believed she wanted to try and we tried once I moved out of state with each attempt ending with her cutting me off and she even called MY police a few times (we were friends with the police in our small town and he asked me if she had mental problems and she had told the cop that I did). I told him that I had a mood disorder, but that she had problems too, but would not admit it. I'm sure he believed me.</p><p></p><p>Every time she cut me off, I cared less and less and expected it more and more. Last time I kept our texting "fight." That way I can look at it whenever I am tempted to call my sister because we DID have some fun times. After I read it I am always shocked anew at how vicious it was. She kept calling me a borderline, although I actually never had that diagnosis. It is ME who thinks I had traits. And I think she does as well, if not more than me. She was trying to bait me too, but I wouldn't let her. She brought up all kinds of stuff and I just have no desire to try again. It will not end up good.</p><p></p><p>I mean, if she wants to talk once a week for maybe ten minutes, ok. That's it. But I think this time she will NOT call because I just did not respond to her baiting and namecalling. In the past, I did. But, as often happens, as this kept happening throughout the years it bothered me less and less which inensified her attacks to get a response out of me other than silence because I really don't like hanging up the phone on people. She'd yell, "ARE YOU STILL THERE?"</p><p></p><p>I would say, "Yes."</p><p></p><p>And as more years slipped by I stopped answering the phone that often if her name popped up. Finally, once, not too many years ago, she told me she had researched borderline personality disorder because she wanted to get along with me...she missed me...and wanted to see if it was possible...lol. (You can't make this stuff up). She concluded I didn't have borderline personality disorder...that her nutty boyfriend did, however. I was touched that she cared about me enough to try to get along with me in any way she saw fit so I just blew off her method and tried again. Sure enough, it didn't work. She did it again. And in our last conversation, in spite of having told me originally, that borderline did not fit me, she told me five times in that last text convo that I had it.</p><p></p><p>Oh, well.</p><p></p><p>Another joyous story of my DNA collection...lolol <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>Sorry to steal the topic. Your post hit a nerve.</p><p></p><p>I'm so glad that I am the "borderline"in the family. Otherwise I may be "normal" like the rest of them and, truly, that scares me. A lot.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 641550, member: 1550"] Oh, Cedar, we have sooooooo he same way of seeing things, I think. If my sister calls me, I think I will tell her that we have tried many, many times to work it out between us, but that maybe it's just best if we keep in low contact. Yes, I'll use that expression. Every time we talk too often, somehow she gets furious at me and cuts me off, without allowing me to even explain my point of view, and it is just too stressful and hurtful. The first time she did it, I was in my early 30's. I was so mortified because I loved my little sister so much, and she had not explained why she was doing it, that I kept calling her to try to get her to talk to me. She kept letting the phone just ring so, in tears, I drove over to her house. I tried to get her to open up. It's comical now that I think about the scene. She is peeking from out of her drapes telling me to go away, she won't answer. I got so frustrated I took off my white tennis shoe (I can still see it) and threw it at her door, hitting it with a dull thud. Those were back in the days when I had more borderline traits than I do now...lol. The next thing I knew, the cops were there telling me that my sister felt threatened and I had to leave. Me, who never hit anyone in my life and she knew it. Anyhow, as I backed my car out of the driveway, it stalled...lol. So I was stuck in her driveway with the cop looking on and my sister peeking from behind the drapes of her house. My husband had to come to start the car. It was a scene out of a sitcom, really. Me with only one shoe on, holding the other one, getting out of the car, saying to the cop, "I would leave, but my car stalled" and the way he tried to hide a smile. I think he thought it was all sort of a joke. That was the beginning of her using the cops to control me when we were in a cut off. If I dared call her or even sent her a letter trying to reconcile during a cut off, she called the cops and said I was harassing her and, yes, a cop would stop by. She must have done the cops thing ten times. I mean, tell me, how can you have any sort of rational relationship with somebody who does THAT? A few times the cops acted apologetic. She kind of got a name for herself for calling so often. Still I believed she wanted to try and we tried once I moved out of state with each attempt ending with her cutting me off and she even called MY police a few times (we were friends with the police in our small town and he asked me if she had mental problems and she had told the cop that I did). I told him that I had a mood disorder, but that she had problems too, but would not admit it. I'm sure he believed me. Every time she cut me off, I cared less and less and expected it more and more. Last time I kept our texting "fight." That way I can look at it whenever I am tempted to call my sister because we DID have some fun times. After I read it I am always shocked anew at how vicious it was. She kept calling me a borderline, although I actually never had that diagnosis. It is ME who thinks I had traits. And I think she does as well, if not more than me. She was trying to bait me too, but I wouldn't let her. She brought up all kinds of stuff and I just have no desire to try again. It will not end up good. I mean, if she wants to talk once a week for maybe ten minutes, ok. That's it. But I think this time she will NOT call because I just did not respond to her baiting and namecalling. In the past, I did. But, as often happens, as this kept happening throughout the years it bothered me less and less which inensified her attacks to get a response out of me other than silence because I really don't like hanging up the phone on people. She'd yell, "ARE YOU STILL THERE?" I would say, "Yes." And as more years slipped by I stopped answering the phone that often if her name popped up. Finally, once, not too many years ago, she told me she had researched borderline personality disorder because she wanted to get along with me...she missed me...and wanted to see if it was possible...lol. (You can't make this stuff up). She concluded I didn't have borderline personality disorder...that her nutty boyfriend did, however. I was touched that she cared about me enough to try to get along with me in any way she saw fit so I just blew off her method and tried again. Sure enough, it didn't work. She did it again. And in our last conversation, in spite of having told me originally, that borderline did not fit me, she told me five times in that last text convo that I had it. Oh, well. Another joyous story of my DNA collection...lolol :) Sorry to steal the topic. Your post hit a nerve. I'm so glad that I am the "borderline"in the family. Otherwise I may be "normal" like the rest of them and, truly, that scares me. A lot. [/QUOTE]
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