So I've just finished reading The Explosive Child on the recommendation of members on this board and I am blown away. It's the first book I've ever read where i feel the author "gets" the way my child is. I realised that I have been very much "Plan A" i.e. imposing my will on my difficult child, barking orders at her etc. So I have decided to implement Plan C for a while i.e. letting things slide - i've realised in the grand scheme of things having a tidy room, having her hair brushed, and even having her homework done are not life and death matters. I am afraid that I am being too lenient but using Plan A style tactics were just NOT working. She would have an explosion and still not tidy her room, do her homework etc. Since implenting Plan C, she still does not do what is asked but she has not had a big explosion in over a week. I think this is the best way to go about building up my relationship with her. After all the best way to get your difficult child to comply is if they actually like you! My plan is to then gradually bring in Plan B - using empathy, laying our concerns on the table and then solving the problem together. I defintely have to teach her more skills if want Plan B to be successfull as I realised that she does not have the language skills to express how she feels. If she gets frustrated her anger can escalate into a full blown tantrum very, very quickly. I have never heard her say "I am angry" or " I am frustrated". I am looking into the possiblity of a speech and language therapist who might help her with the language side of things. The book also helped me to clarify her triggers which are; getting up in the morning, homework, boredom, going to bed at night and asking her to do anything!! I've also realised how important her rituals and routine really are to her. For instance when she is going to bed at night she wants me to be sitting in the same place at the same time and i must say exactly the same thing to her before she goes to bed!!! Beforehand I wouldn't have went along with it as i would have thought "this is ridiculous, I'm not going to be controlled" but I am looking at it differently now and think "ok, If by me doing things in an order she likes alleviates her anxiety and prevents and explosion, well it's better for both of us if i go along with it". Part of me feels that I am not doing her any favours by going along with her rituals but then we weren't gettting anywhere at all by me not going along with it. anyone understand what i mean??? I am really trying to go along with the philosophy of the book which is "If children can do well, they will". Has anyone here implemented the stragegy i.e. "Plan B" as described in The Explosive Child successfully and any tips???