I invited my daughter for Christmas. I didn't hear from her. My granddaughter's older sister and her fiance came over early in the day unexpected and ended up staying for dinner. My granddaughter's boyfriend joined us too, also unexpected. My fiance and I never got out of our 'at home clothes!' I can't recall a more peaceful, calm, fun, easy Christmas.............at one point I was in the kitchen preparing dinner and they were all in the next room laughing and having so much fun, it made me smile............it felt good to be a part of these impromptu festivities and this level of joy and ease.
At one point, the kids asked about my difficult child, I hadn't heard anything and didn't know what was happening. That's when I asked them all to stay for dinner.........all of them wanted to leave before my difficult child got here and my granddaughter said she would leave right after dinner because she didn't want to be around her mother. I sat on the couch and thought to myself, 'geez, they will all leave and my difficult child will show up' and even on a good day, she isn't any fun, she's dark and brings the energy in the room down because she is just not a happy person and she doesn't interact in ways that make others feel valued or considered. I just sat there watching everyone having fun and enjoying each other. I was near my laptop and I noticed an email from my daughter saying her phone had not been working (it's always something) and a few other complaints and then asked if she was still invited. It was such an odd email, of course she was still invited, most people would have just called the day before or so and asked what time should I come, should I bring something, but that is not how it goes with my difficult child. She will come hours late or not at all, and/or come with the newest intense drama. When the thought occurred to me that I didn't have to answer her, she could just show up, or not, or call, or whatever......................I actually felt nauseous...........there is everyone having a good time and I could end that and feel uncomfortable and uneasy with my difficult child, everyone will leave and the dark energy will take over, as usual. I went in the kitchen and for about 20 minutes I felt emotionally messed up, I just didn't know how to handle it. I called my SO in and told him I was thinking of just not responding to difficult child, she could still drop by but I didn't think she would. He said he would support whatever decision I made. I told the kids my difficult child wasn't coming and if they would like to stay, i would enjoy that. They did and it was a perfect day. One of those times you just can't plan, everyone was in a stellar mood, thrilled to be together, great food, lots of laughing and fun and stories and joy.
I didn't respond to my difficult child until today. I answered her email and after the recent knowledge of the mean text messages sent from my difficult child to my granddaughter,.........all of the help I've offered her..........nothing has really changed in the last year.......... just adding up all of it, I realized that I did not want to be around my difficult child and all of the drama and negativity and awful choices she makes which create immense chaos and despair for everyone around her. I feel sad that it's come to this, but this is where it was before the holidays. Seeing my SO and granddaughter so happy and choosing to go with that was a difficult choice for me, but I think it's the only choice now. Reading Witz's comments on her move and how much peace she gained from that difficult decision and what a lovely Christmas she was having, had a very big impact on me. Another example of how others choices and stories can really support our own ability to make a difficult but necessary choice. Thank you Witz!!
I feel sad today. But I'm determined to focus on my granddaughter, my SO and me. Sigh. And remember what a wonderful Christmas we all had together, really, one of the best ever.
At one point, the kids asked about my difficult child, I hadn't heard anything and didn't know what was happening. That's when I asked them all to stay for dinner.........all of them wanted to leave before my difficult child got here and my granddaughter said she would leave right after dinner because she didn't want to be around her mother. I sat on the couch and thought to myself, 'geez, they will all leave and my difficult child will show up' and even on a good day, she isn't any fun, she's dark and brings the energy in the room down because she is just not a happy person and she doesn't interact in ways that make others feel valued or considered. I just sat there watching everyone having fun and enjoying each other. I was near my laptop and I noticed an email from my daughter saying her phone had not been working (it's always something) and a few other complaints and then asked if she was still invited. It was such an odd email, of course she was still invited, most people would have just called the day before or so and asked what time should I come, should I bring something, but that is not how it goes with my difficult child. She will come hours late or not at all, and/or come with the newest intense drama. When the thought occurred to me that I didn't have to answer her, she could just show up, or not, or call, or whatever......................I actually felt nauseous...........there is everyone having a good time and I could end that and feel uncomfortable and uneasy with my difficult child, everyone will leave and the dark energy will take over, as usual. I went in the kitchen and for about 20 minutes I felt emotionally messed up, I just didn't know how to handle it. I called my SO in and told him I was thinking of just not responding to difficult child, she could still drop by but I didn't think she would. He said he would support whatever decision I made. I told the kids my difficult child wasn't coming and if they would like to stay, i would enjoy that. They did and it was a perfect day. One of those times you just can't plan, everyone was in a stellar mood, thrilled to be together, great food, lots of laughing and fun and stories and joy.
I didn't respond to my difficult child until today. I answered her email and after the recent knowledge of the mean text messages sent from my difficult child to my granddaughter,.........all of the help I've offered her..........nothing has really changed in the last year.......... just adding up all of it, I realized that I did not want to be around my difficult child and all of the drama and negativity and awful choices she makes which create immense chaos and despair for everyone around her. I feel sad that it's come to this, but this is where it was before the holidays. Seeing my SO and granddaughter so happy and choosing to go with that was a difficult choice for me, but I think it's the only choice now. Reading Witz's comments on her move and how much peace she gained from that difficult decision and what a lovely Christmas she was having, had a very big impact on me. Another example of how others choices and stories can really support our own ability to make a difficult but necessary choice. Thank you Witz!!
I feel sad today. But I'm determined to focus on my granddaughter, my SO and me. Sigh. And remember what a wonderful Christmas we all had together, really, one of the best ever.
