The first meltdown

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by ML, Oct 25, 2009.

  1. ML

    ML Guest

    It was bound to happen. Manster seems to have allergies to the horses. This is no real surprise and typically it isn't a big issue because it surfaces when he's in the barn unsaddling, feeding, etc. which takes about 45 minutes. While he's outside riding it isn't so bad. The grooming classes are 5 weeks and they are Friday nights for 3 hours. This all takes place in the barn. After his class he was miserable and the next day he was still feeling it but I told him to push through it. In retrospect that was my mistake. The grooming classes are mandatory but I should have allowed him to skip the Saturday class. He did not want to go and I made him and his allergies were horrible. The wranglers wouldn't allow him to leave early because they're almost militaristic in thier mandate that you unsaddle, feed, and release to pasture the horse you ride. He held back tears the entire time. Plus he had a spirited horse who would not cooperate.

    So now he hates the program. I'm hoping this was isolated because I thought we had finally found something he didn't hate. This after swimming, baseball, soccer, TKD and gymnastics. He starts out fine and eventually comes to hate all of them for one reason or another. husband and I have decided he WILL stick with this the entire year (another 9 months). It's only every other week so once the 3 more grooming classes are over hopefully we will manage this situation with allergy medications.

    Lasted edited by : Oct 25, 2009
  2. lmf64

    lmf64 New Member

    I'm sorry, but if something is making your child ill it's, in my opinion, time to quit doing it. I mean honestly do you want to continue with meltdowns and possibly have his behaviors get worse (maybe only temporarily but then again) just because you and husband want him to complete something? If you think this is too harsh, I'm sorry but you need to consider your child's physical health and sometimes quitting something can be better than finishing it.
  3. ML

    ML Guest

    I appreciate your input; however manster is allergic to everything and receives weekly allergy shots. I may ask the doctor about adding horse syrum to the mix.

    I had to laugh at your coment about quitting being better than finishing. If that's true, manster can have a phd in quitting.

    I do consider my child's health which is why I will allow him to skip if allergies are bad. I have the proverbial bubble boy and unfortunately I can't let him quit breathing. Like I said, it's the barn time that's bad and we only have three more grooming classes so I will rely on benadryl to get through them.

    Thank you for taking the time to provide feedback.
  4. Christy

    Christy New Member

    Sorry to hear that the allergies have caused Manster to hate riding :( Hopefully the doctor can find something to help and he can make it through the next couple of grooming classes. Do you think the instructors could allow any accommodations to make it easier. Is it possible to groom the horse outside rather than in the barn? (I know nothing about horses.) I do know about difficult children and quitting! My son loves the idea of starting something but isn't willing to put in the effort to learn the necessary skills (TKD, soccer, guitar lessons, etc) then when he is not very good, he gets frustrated and quits but trying to make him stay with an activity he doesn't want to do leads to tantrums and ruins the activity for the rest of the group. Since it seems that Manster enjoyed the horse program before the allergies kicked in, hopefully the right allergy medication will make it enjoyable for him again.

    Good Luck!
  5. ML

    ML Guest

    UPDATE: we think he has the swine flu now. That would explain him feeling so bad. Allergies were factored in also, but this put him over the top. He has nausea, diahrrea, cold stymptoms and a fever of 101.3. 3 other kids have had it so it's not all that surprising. Thanks again.
  6. maril

    maril New Member

    Poor guy! Hope this passes quickly. Good luck.
  7. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    ML, I. too hope that Manster gets over his illness quickly.

    But, before that came up, and the allergy issues, I had another thought. You've mentioned before that Manster doesn't like to exercise.

    I immediately started wondering if it isn't the hard, physical work required to properly groom a horse, that was turning him off?

    Riding them is the easy part--it's all the other work that is hard. The grooming, humping hay bales, etc.
  8. ML

    ML Guest

    GN I think it is the hard work in part. But when he's feeling better it isn't quite so hard so hopefully we'll get him over his flu and get through the grooming classes and find a workable routine. Thank you for your thoughts :)
  9. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    ML, I was worried you might think I was insulting you or Manster.

    I just fell back on something I learned many years ago--if you aren't sweating while grooming a horse, you aren't doing a good enough job.

    Also as an FYI, 'horse serum' allergy shots would only have an effect on allergies to products made from horse blood (tetanus antitoxin, etc). The usual allergens in horse allergies are the dander. In fact, in an awful lot of cases, it isn't the horses at all, but rather the dust and mold found in barn environments.
  10. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    {{{Hugs}}} to you and Manster, I hope he's feeling better quickly. One of the things I learned is that if I apologize to Duckie for pushing her too hard in a situation her attitude toward the activity will bounce back more quickly. So, if it were me & Duckie in your situation, I might say something like "I'm sorry I misread how sick you were feeling, I'll try to be more aware next time". It's like she wants to cut off her nose to spite her space so she'll decide she doesn't like the activity when she's actually angry with me.
  11. TPaul

    TPaul Idecor8

    Dear Manster Mom,
    I have friends who's child was allergic to everything like it seems manster is. They would put a small amount of something like petromleum jelly around the nose to help catch some of the air born things. It seemed to help.

    I understand everyones thoughts on this issue so far. I think sticking with the horses and seeing it through, will in the end, make Manster feel better and better about himself. Getting him through a good part of it, might be harder on you, but in the end he will look back and have taken something from it that will benefit all. Horses and working with them is a proven technique for calming and opening the door for a whole host of postitive things.

    Keep up the good work
    T paul
  12. moonglow

    moonglow New Member

    Oh boy I feel for you on this flu thing! Nate was home all last week with it..though he only ran a low grade fever...or no fever..or a below normal temperature at times...guess his body couldn't make up its mind what it wanted to do...

    Nate also has bad allergies...we did allergy shots for years...while I think they helped some..maybe...later on they seemed to make our allergies worse. After all they are putting in our system what we are allergic too. I never understood that. Everyday we are exposed to what we are allergic too and so far haven't built up a resistance to why would injections of the same stuff help? I never got that.

    Two things I would like to suggest on the allergies if you haven't tired this already. First, yea its the hay, the dust and mold in the barns that set off the allergies. My nose will itch until I feel like I am going insane..eyes itch and burn and water...and for me I felt like I wasn't breathing fresh air. I felt like I was almost suffocating breathing all that in. Its a truly horrible tormenting reaction. I couldn't wait to get outside and breath!!! I can hardly go into the barns at the state fair because of my allergies.

    So maybe he could try Singular? And even try wearing one of those face mask like people were wearing last year in Mexico when the swine flu was going around. I see people around town wearing those when the mow their grass because it flares up their allergies so bad. I am tempted to wear one this year when I rake the leaves up actually. Fall leaves just kill allergies get SO bad. :(

    The draw back with bendrile is for most people it makes them very sleepy and then grumpy cause they have to stay awake and do their stuff. Doesn't his allergy doctor have him on some daily allergy medication anyway? He should. The shots take a year to even start helping (this is what my allergy doctor just told me a couple of weeks ago when I went in cause I have been so miserable) personally I don't think they help too many people at all actually.
  13. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Oh Gosh- I hope it isn't swine flu! ((HUGS)) to you and my board neephew- I hope he's feeling better soon!

    As far as the horse program....maybe he will reconsider his feelings toward it when he's feeling better. It sounds like a great program but if he hates it, it might not do him much good. Maybe you could compromise and get him to agree to go half a year instead of the entire length of time. I know it's frustrating- my son went thru a string of activities too and never stuck with any of them even though there was a pretty good variety to choose from. In the last family therapy session, I told him I wished he would just find SOMETHING constructive and stick to it. LOL! The therapist said yeah, but it's par for the course to do this and it is still better that they have been exposed to a variety if things, even if they don't stick with them.