The gifts that come with being different

[ML]

I have realized some things lately. Not new things really, but things I've always known coming up to the surface.

For a long time I felt badly because I had to give up my dream of a "typical" child. I have a difficult, challenging child who teaches me so much when I am open to receiving the message.

I often allow my fears and anxieties to interfere with the apprecation of these gifts of potential. When manster dressed up in girls clothes up until about a year ago (in 3rd grade) I was so worried because I just didn't want another aspect of his life experience to be "different". Now, I'm realizing that manster has some artistic gifts and that he enjoys designing and creating. He likes to show me how to best wear my clothes, what accessories will go with what outfits, etc. All of his friends are girls. He loves girls and women but he says he likes being a boy who hangs out with girls. He doesn't want to be one (whew). So instead of worrying about manster being a cross dresser when he grew up, when he was just 6-9 I should have tried to stay open to possibilities. As a side note he gets highly embarassed if I bring up the fact that we used to dress up and have plays where he always wanted to be the girl lol. That's just not cool now.

Basically what I am saying is that I want to do a better job of honoring the unique (yes difficult and challenging) spirit of my child and work on accepting the good with the bad.

And I vow to try and stop worrying so much that I miss the good stuff.

Does that make sense?

ML

 

[klmno]

ML, you've done a great job with Manster.. It's nice that you realize his uniqueness and you are so open to helping him develop into the young man that is comfortable for him- so give yourself a break here!! You're a great Mom and i feel sure he knows it!!

I'd write more but I've got to get to bed early- I stayed up too late last night writing notes for Wed.'s IEP meeting.

But, when Manster becomes a famous clothes designer, just remember his board aunties when you are strutting through town looking like a million bucks!!

 

[klmno]

Just stopping back to say that this reminds me of a story I read on here a long time ago about traveling some place- it seemed to be common and I think you'd like it. Maybe someone who's been here longer than me can find it and post it for you.

 

[tiredmommy]

Manster is lucky to have you. It's easy (very, very easy!) to get caught up in all negativity in our kids' lives... but there is good there too.

 

[meowbunny]

I think klmno is talking about "Holland." I'm sure if you do a search for it, you'll find it. I'd do it but I'm too whupped emotionally and physically.

I don't know if you've ever seen the movie "Bruno" but if you haven't, you might want to rent it. I think you'll enjoy it.

You may have missed out on a year or two of enjoying his uniqueness but you have many more years to enjoy them. He's a lucky little boy to have a mom who is open to letting him thrive and grow in his own way and to appreciate his differences.

 

[Fran]

Both of my boys are unique in different ways.
I'm glad you see the beauty in your son's sensitivity and understanding of women. It will be a gift in the long run.
There are enough rough and tough boys will be boys out there. Many don't view women as anything but objects. They treat boys who aren't just like them as inferior and harass them in school. Bullies ,cave men or jock elitist.
Guys get cheated into being only one way. Hopefully more moms and especially dads are able to allow their son to be who he is.

 

[totoro]

Aw, you touched a nerve. husband and I were just talking/crying about this today.
He has been trying so hard to get his parents to understand that they have not lost all of the things that they thought a Grandparent was supposed to be.
We were also talking about the same thing for ourselves, how we need to just stop sometimes and try harder to just let K be a kid and herself, quirks and all.
We all have some pretty neat kids!
You are doing a great job!!!
Sensitive boys ROCK!!! I have one!!! And he loves football...

 

[gcvmom]

It TOTALLY makes sense!

And FWIW, difficult child 2 is one of those "sensitive" boys. As a toddler, he was the only boy in the mommy-and-me preschool class who would wrap baby dolls in blankets and push them around in strollers, just as happy as can be. As a school-age kid, up until about 4th grade, his playmates were regularly girls (I think they were more tolerant of his quirks). He only started having playground issues when he started reaching out more to the boys his age in 5th grade. He is much more in touch with his feelings and his feminine side, as it were. And I love that about him. He loves babies. He loves women. He even enjoys shopping! He's going to make a great father and husband some day, as long as we can keep him stable

 

[Steely]

I totally get it.

If I had a list of all the times I freaked out over M and his current issue of the week, it would cover miles.

I seriously wish I had not read so much into every quirk, or every decision he made. I think I made things so much worse - I think I still do sometimes.

I wish I could just step back and revel in who he really is. Instead I get all caught up in the small aberrant nuances.

 

[Wiped Out]

I totally understand. When I start to get frustrated with difficult child on a regular basis (like now when he is cycling so much) I have to step back and realize all of his positives-he has many and sometimes it's easy to forget but it's so important to do.

 

[TerryJ2]

Yes.
I vacillate between the two quite often. You're in good company!