The good news, and the bad news

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Estherfromjerusalem, Oct 11, 2007.

  1. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    Well, I can't remember the last time I started a post. But I wanted to share my good news with you all, and then my bad news.

    The good news: The child I call my former difficult child (today he is almost 38 years old), is going to get married! I cannot tell you how thrilled I am. I hardly know the girl, but since he doesn't live at home, that's fine with me. So long as they love each other and get on fine, that's all I want. She's 27. And she will be my daughter-in-law, and I will love her. It's as simple as that. So my up-to-date count will be six children married and only two monsters left at home: 22 year old easy child (well, almost!) and 21 year old difficult child, who is still very difficult child-ish and I don't want to even start talking about him because as long as he is out of the house I just don't want to waste my brain on him, and he isn't here at the moment. Well, why should he be home? It's only 3 in the morning.

    The bad news: Those of you who have known me for quite a long time might remember that I had an endarterectomy (Fran, you were the one who told me what it is called). It was done about five years ago. My left carotid artery was 90 percent blocked. We discovered it because I had a series of TIAs which are ministrokes, affecting my eyes, my hands, and when one day my speech came out really strange I asked the friend I was with to take me to emergency room at the hospital. I was operated on and had a T-shaped stent put in. I now have one stent in my neck and two in my heart. I'm grateful -- I function well.

    Well, the bad news is that the other side (the right side now) is 65 percent blocked. The vascular specialist told me this morning that it is borderline, but since I have had a couple of TIAs (eyes), it will have to be operated on.

    Well, I can't say I'm feeling particularly happy now. I asked him if it could wait for about four months until after the wedding of my former difficult child. He said yes, on condition that I promise (a) to continue taking my aspirin daily, which of course I do, I take 325 mg daily among all my other medications. And on condition that (b) if I have another TIA I take myself straight to the emergency room at the hospital.

    There, now I've said it. I haven't even told my children yet.

    And can someone please bonk me on the head. Isn't this enough motivation to stop smoking? What the H*** is the matter with me that I am still smoking? I must be completely crazy.

    OK all my friends, it is 3 in the morning. I feel glad to have shared that with you. Yes, of course it is worrying. It is pretty nasty surgery. And I have a horrible scar on the left side of my neck, and the nerves have been affected a little bit and the skin there is super-sensitive now. So now I can look forward (!!!) to having that on the other side too. How ghastly. I shall look like something out of a horror film. Sh** and D*** and -- no, I wont be even ruder!

    OK, goodnight all of you.

    Love, Esther
  2. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member

    Well hello! Nice to see you again on the boards. Congratulations on the wedding! YAAAAAAAAAAYYYY! (Or should I say Mazel Tov!)

    Sorry to hear about your carotid artery. Can you try to cut down the smoking? I don't know about there, but cigs are sooooooo expensive here!

    Eat well, take time to relax and find time for yourself. Get out for frequent walks if you can (light). Make sure you're healthy enough to make it to that wedding, else your cyber friends are gonna have to give you a whoopin!

    So difficult child is back home? Made it through the army and done already? It seems like it wasn't that long ago. I think the last I had read the two boys were in London or something, weren't they?
  3. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Hello Esther, congratulations on getting one difficult child to move on into a productive family life.

    I'm sorry to hear about the endarterectomy on the other side. It is a scary thing but the scar is better than a stroke. I'm sure you already know it.
    Now that you know what you are up against you can arm yourself to fight the good fight. Cut back the cigs, relax a little, stop and smell the roses for a bit. Hopefully by the time you have the surgery you will be at peace with it. You got good results the first time.

    We are all hoping to see you again on this side of the pond with good stints on both sides. :flower:
  4. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member


    Thanks for your congratulations and for the Mazal Tov wishes!

    I will try to keep healthy.

    difficult child has four more months to go in the army -- he comes home every day.

    The two boys in London? I wish. No, that wouldn't be far enough. Either Australia or the USA, please. I really do need some peace and quiet.

    I'm going to bed now.

    Love, Esther
  5. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    Fran, hello!

    Thanks for the good wishes. It is truly thrilling that he is getting married. His nieces and nephews all adore him, and I would so love to see him with his own children. He is a great guy (today, but we don't call him former difficult child for nothing!)

    Yes, I know, I know, I will have to do it. I so much don't want to.

    I like that: "See you again on this side of the pond with good stints on both sides." OK, if it has to be, it has to be.

    I miss you, Fran.

    Love, Esther
  6. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Great to hear from you, Esther. Congratulations on your son getting married - very good new. Not so good news about the carotid - I hope you aren't expected to do too much for the wedding, or you probably should consider having it done beforehand. You should be well recovered in four months.

    I haven't been to Israel, but I have been to Greece - if they smoke in Israel even half as much as they do in Greece I can understand why you have trouble cutting down. It's very hard to give them up when everyone around you and wherever you go, is smoking. It's easier to quit smoking in Australia when we are flooded with TV advertising and various government programs, all designed to help people stop smoking. We also have doctors here who will refuse to operate for stents, open heart surgery, bypass, that sort of thing, if you are still smoking heavily. A woman I know has been refused surgery on her knee because the doctor says she has to quit smoking first.

    All you can do, is the best you can.

    Stay well. Enjoy the celebration. And I hope your daughter in law turns out to be beautiful, dutiful, loving and generous. If she's marrying your former difficult child, she probably is all that and more.

  7. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Well-Known Member

    I'll keep you in my prayers for a most successful surgery for you and joyous wedding for your family. As for difficult child... take care of YOU!!!
  8. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen good to hear fron you. Congrats on your son!! There is light at the end of the tunnel. Some days it doesn't seem like it will happen...then it does. :smile:

    I will PM you.

  9. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    Congrats Esther on the wedding! Im sure it will be beautiful.

    About the smoking...can you get something called Chantix there? Supposed to be the newest thing that is helping a ton of people who have been long time smokers quit very well. We have several success stories on this board alone.

    Im asking my doctor for it myself.

    Its not like wellbutrin but something different. Blocks the nicotine receptors.
  10. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    Congrats on hte wedding!! Your daughter in law to be is lucky to have you, esp with such unconditional love up front!

    I am sorry about your health and the TIAs. That is hard to deal with, and scary. Please take care of yourself.

    As far as the smoking, it is a very tough thinkg to quit. I have an aunt who smoked since her early teens or before. Jan 1 this year was her "official" day to quit. She started taking a medication called Chantix, avail in the US. She and her husband both took it, and each of them actually quit 2-3 days before they were scheduled to. This medication blocks how your body uses nicotine, and the cravings, etc... It is a true revolution in stopping smoking. We never ever thought she would be able to quit. It might be worth a google search, just to learn more.

    I will keep you in my prayers!



    ps. I still have the bookmarks you gave me. My daughter and I use one to mark where we are reading in her study Bible.
  11. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Please Please Please stop smoking. You can do it. My mom was diagnosed with her first cancer around 7 years ago and she never quit smoking until around 3 months before she passed away.

    Try that chantrix. I think that is what it is called. It may be expensive and maybe your insurance won't cover it, but in the end, it will cost you much less then your smoking does, including health problems, not just money.

    I can say this to you because I am a former smoker. I quit 19 years ago and it was the hardest thing to do, but I did it, so you can too.
  12. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    I just looked in to see if I had had any replies, and I am overwhelmed. You are all so lovely, so supportive, and so NOT judgmental.

    Yes, I will look into Google to try and find Chantix, and maybe it is available here in Israel. I hope so. There is a clinic at the hospital I go to for my cardiologist. She told me about it. It is a clinic for stopping smoking. Maybe it's time I gave it a try. The problem is: I really do not WANT to stop smoking. How can I motivate myself to want to stop, if even this rotten news doesn't make me absolutely decide to stop. Somehow I find it hard to imagine my life, my living, without smoking. I love just EVERYTHING about it, everything.

    Oh well, it seems I won't have any choice. I have already promised myself that if I ever manage to stop, then if and when I reach the age of 80 I will start again and then see if anyone will be able to stop me!

    Oh, I am so pathetic.

    Never mind. The doctor said the operation could wait until after the wedding, although Marguerite's suggestion of getting it over and done with now is also a possibility. Anyway, I only got the news yesterday and I will mull it over in the next few days.

    Thank you all my board family for being there when I felt I had to share it. I'll be out of touch for two days, back on the Board on Saturday night.

    Love, Esther
  13. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Esther, I loved everything about smoking too. I didn't want to quit either, but what made me quit was the fact that I worked with a women who died of cancer when her son was very young. I saw what it did to her and to her son and I didn't ever want to be in that position. When my son was a year old I thought to myself, I want to be alive to watch him get married and have children of his own. I know your children are older and most of them are married, but don't you want to be around to watch all of your grandchildren get married and have babies of their own?

    Start by going to the clinic and give it a shot. Look into the chantrix. My mom loved smoking and didn't want to quit either, but that really helped her. Unfortunatley in her case it was much to late by the time she got serious about it.
  14. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    Thanks Karen. I appreciate your concern and your input.

    Yes, I will give Chantix a try. And yes, I will phone that clinic on Sunday morning.

    Love, Esther
  15. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Congratulations on your son's upcoming marriage. Hoping your health concerns can hold out for 4 months with no trips to the ER. As far as the smoking goes I hope you can quit. I really don't have much experience with this, but did smoke a little in college. I didn't really get hooked and basically I'm too cheap to want to pay for them. Hope you can find success with giving up the habit. It is not easy, but neither is raising difficult children!
  16. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    Hello, Esther! It is nice to 'see' you!

    Congrats on the upcoming wedding. You seem very pleased that he has found love. Good for him!

    I am so sorry about the surgery. I pray that you stay safe before the surgery so you can make it to the wedding.
    About the will be 11 months for me on Oct 25th. I, too, enjoyed it. BUT, I enjoy the feeling great, not being smelly, and not spending that money - even more! Truly I do feel so much healthier. I did not gain a ton of weight - but I worked hard not to.

    Getting difficult child out of the house would make it easier to stop smoking. I know when there is stress around, I tended to smoke more to help calm me.

    Take care!!
  17. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Esther - at least you will now have matching scars now (trying desperately to find a positive here). And thankfully they caught this before you had more serious TIAs. Did doctor suggest possibly taking more of a blood thinner than aspirin until you're ready to do the surgery? Might be something to look into.

    Congratulations on your growing family. What a wonderful blessing for you.

    Good thoughts for open arteries coming to you.
  18. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Huge congrats on the wedding!!! :thumbsup:

    And prayers being added for the surgery.

    You can always tell the curious that, "hey, I've led such an exciting life ya don't even want to know." lol

  19. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    hullo there woman! thanks for the update, been a while! I like that suggestion of re-starting smoking after 80, then again people are living longer these days. it would give you something to look forward to. :wink:
  20. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Hi Esther- it's nice to see an update!

    Congrats about the upcoming wedding. That's great news.

    As for smoking, you went through my quitting 5+ years ago after 38 years smoking. I also loved every minute of it ---well, except for my hacking cough :bag: ...

    No one can tell you to quit; everyone's last cigarette is chosen for distinctly different reasons. Heck I watched my Mom in agony from Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD) for years and still lit up. In my case, it was summer and I don't know why but that particular summer I noticed the smell. And I didn't like it. And it was that simple- I didn't want to reek anymore :highvoltage: .

    I used the patch. I think I shared my other gimmicks with you back then when we were talking about it.

    It hasn't been easy, I won't lie. There are moments all these years later when the temptation is almost unbearable. But I know if I have 1, I'm doomed, so I don't. So, during those moments (like now!), I :censored2: on sugarless candies and right now I'm chomping on sugarless bubble gum.

    Take care of yourself. We like having you around.