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the hardest part
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<blockquote data-quote="elisem" data-source="post: 66787" data-attributes="member: 2834"><p>Went to the park today with a good family friend, T. difficult child (7 yo, probably bipolar, taking forever to get diagnosis) was at his worst, screaming, hitting, kicking, throwing huge tantrums when he had to wait for two minutes to get water, etc. You all probably know the drill. The park was full of other people, including other parents and kids, all looking at us funny--ah well, I'm used to that, right? difficult child, upset because I said we were going back due to his behavior (we were about a mile into the woods) took his water bottle holder and swung it around and hit me with it, so I told him if he did it again I would take it away from him and throw it away (the holder is very special to him; he plays with it all the time, calls it his emergency bag), so he backed up and ran at me to get the maximum impact when he hit me with it. So I took it away from him and for the rest of the walk he kept trying to hold my hand, telling me how much he loved me and saying he was sorry. When we got back to the parking area, I threw the bottle and holder in the dumpster. He fell onto the ground howling as if in physical pain (he always reacts this way when he finds out I mean it.) He was truly distressed, of course, as I knew he would be. But I couldn't back down! T got back to the car a little while later with my 3 yo easy child, and Charlie started screaming and kicking and throwing easy child's water all over T and easy child. We managed to get everyone in the car and buckled in (difficult child busied himself with pulling down the ceiling fabric in my car). T suggested a little music to help calm everyone down, so I turned on the radio. difficult child immediately started screaming that he wanted the music turned off (easy child was crying because he wanted the music on). After a while I turned the music off (we couldn't hear it over difficult child's screaming anyway); difficult child didn't notice and kept screaming that he wanted it off. I actually managed to laugh when I told him that it was already off. So then, of course (could you see this coming?) he starts screaming that he wants it on. I'm able to get him calmed down enough to ask nicely, then I turn the radio on. Only all the stations are playing commercials. What does difficult child do? He grabs my hair in both hands and pulls with all his might. Thank God there was no other traffic on the road! The car weaved all over like mad, but didn't actually leave the asphalt. T coaxed me to pull over, which I did. Then T worked with Charlie while I burst into tears. Bless T! She's a social worker, but don't hold that against her--she works with troubled teenagers and is the sweetest most comforting person imaginable!</p><p></p><p>Eventually we all got home in one piece, and T, after many hugs, left to go to work. difficult child is in his room for the rest of the afternoon, with the understanding that if he sets foot out or hollers down to us, he'll be locked in until his father gets home. easy child is watching a video while I type this.</p><p></p><p>So what is the hardest part? That's what will happen later, when I tell my husband about the day. Why? Because husband will feel that I should have handled it better. Oh, he probably won't SAY that, but he'll make it obvious nonetheless. When he's home with the boys, he sometimes does handle it better than I do, but not always--I'd say he's about 50/50 on that one. And I'm quite certain that if he were home 24/7 like I am, he wouldn't be any better than I am. </p><p></p><p>Anyway, I want to send Charlie to school (we've been homeschooling because I'm well aware of what we're setting ourselves up for)--I'm desperate enough for a few hours of peace everyday (and I'd like to see if it would lessen easy child's stress behaviors that have been cropping up lately). But husband says "no". He points out that we don't even have a diagnosis (we have our FIRST appointment with a pedpsych dr. in a little more that a month, and then you know better that me how long it will take after that before things start to improve) yet, and reminds me how difficult school will be for difficult child (academically he's either right on target or a little advanced for his age, thanks, I am sure to the homeschooling which has allowed us to work with difficult child rather than trying to force him into someone else's schedule), but there's a small charte school nearby that takes exclusively ADD, ADHD and asperger's kids, and I was given to understand that they would take difficult child even before the diagnosis, while the diagnosis process was going on. DO I think difficult child has any of those? No, I'm pretty sure he's bipolar, but a lot of his behaviors are similar to kids with those afflictions, and I think the school might be good for him. I know it would be good for me! But husband says no way. He wants difficult child at home. With me. </p><p></p><p>*sigh*</p><p></p><p>Anyway, thanks for letting me vent.</p><p></p><p>C</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="elisem, post: 66787, member: 2834"] Went to the park today with a good family friend, T. difficult child (7 yo, probably bipolar, taking forever to get diagnosis) was at his worst, screaming, hitting, kicking, throwing huge tantrums when he had to wait for two minutes to get water, etc. You all probably know the drill. The park was full of other people, including other parents and kids, all looking at us funny--ah well, I'm used to that, right? difficult child, upset because I said we were going back due to his behavior (we were about a mile into the woods) took his water bottle holder and swung it around and hit me with it, so I told him if he did it again I would take it away from him and throw it away (the holder is very special to him; he plays with it all the time, calls it his emergency bag), so he backed up and ran at me to get the maximum impact when he hit me with it. So I took it away from him and for the rest of the walk he kept trying to hold my hand, telling me how much he loved me and saying he was sorry. When we got back to the parking area, I threw the bottle and holder in the dumpster. He fell onto the ground howling as if in physical pain (he always reacts this way when he finds out I mean it.) He was truly distressed, of course, as I knew he would be. But I couldn't back down! T got back to the car a little while later with my 3 yo easy child, and Charlie started screaming and kicking and throwing easy child's water all over T and easy child. We managed to get everyone in the car and buckled in (difficult child busied himself with pulling down the ceiling fabric in my car). T suggested a little music to help calm everyone down, so I turned on the radio. difficult child immediately started screaming that he wanted the music turned off (easy child was crying because he wanted the music on). After a while I turned the music off (we couldn't hear it over difficult child's screaming anyway); difficult child didn't notice and kept screaming that he wanted it off. I actually managed to laugh when I told him that it was already off. So then, of course (could you see this coming?) he starts screaming that he wants it on. I'm able to get him calmed down enough to ask nicely, then I turn the radio on. Only all the stations are playing commercials. What does difficult child do? He grabs my hair in both hands and pulls with all his might. Thank God there was no other traffic on the road! The car weaved all over like mad, but didn't actually leave the asphalt. T coaxed me to pull over, which I did. Then T worked with Charlie while I burst into tears. Bless T! She's a social worker, but don't hold that against her--she works with troubled teenagers and is the sweetest most comforting person imaginable! Eventually we all got home in one piece, and T, after many hugs, left to go to work. difficult child is in his room for the rest of the afternoon, with the understanding that if he sets foot out or hollers down to us, he'll be locked in until his father gets home. easy child is watching a video while I type this. So what is the hardest part? That's what will happen later, when I tell my husband about the day. Why? Because husband will feel that I should have handled it better. Oh, he probably won't SAY that, but he'll make it obvious nonetheless. When he's home with the boys, he sometimes does handle it better than I do, but not always--I'd say he's about 50/50 on that one. And I'm quite certain that if he were home 24/7 like I am, he wouldn't be any better than I am. Anyway, I want to send Charlie to school (we've been homeschooling because I'm well aware of what we're setting ourselves up for)--I'm desperate enough for a few hours of peace everyday (and I'd like to see if it would lessen easy child's stress behaviors that have been cropping up lately). But husband says "no". He points out that we don't even have a diagnosis (we have our FIRST appointment with a pedpsych dr. in a little more that a month, and then you know better that me how long it will take after that before things start to improve) yet, and reminds me how difficult school will be for difficult child (academically he's either right on target or a little advanced for his age, thanks, I am sure to the homeschooling which has allowed us to work with difficult child rather than trying to force him into someone else's schedule), but there's a small charte school nearby that takes exclusively ADD, ADHD and asperger's kids, and I was given to understand that they would take difficult child even before the diagnosis, while the diagnosis process was going on. DO I think difficult child has any of those? No, I'm pretty sure he's bipolar, but a lot of his behaviors are similar to kids with those afflictions, and I think the school might be good for him. I know it would be good for me! But husband says no way. He wants difficult child at home. With me. *sigh* Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. C [/QUOTE]
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