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the hardest part
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 66877" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I would have confiscated the water bottle but not thrown it away. Something I've found is a HUGE trigger, in itself - possessions. difficult child 3 is outgrowing clothes fast and we need to empty the house of all unwanted/unusable possessions, but he simply can't let go, so I give them away to people we know. As long as he knows he can't use them himself (he no longer fits his clothes, for example) and he knows they will be nearby, he can cope. He soon forgets and moves on.</p><p></p><p>If someone had ever done that to me, even if my behaviour had been as bad as that, it would have triggered an entirely fresh crisis.</p><p></p><p>Confiscating the bottle - if the first hit was clearly deliberate then immediate confiscation without warning can be justified, by saying, "I will hold you bottle so it doesn't accidentally hurt anyone - you could have hurt yourself or damaged the bottle."</p><p></p><p>Continued misuse and clear abuse of the drink bottle shows lack of value for it and you may be able to justify giving the bottle to someone else who will value it more. And you need to find something you can do for longer term, because he's going to get worse, not better, as he gets older. You won't be able to do this when he's in his teens - he will just dumpster dive.</p><p></p><p>As for grabbing your hair while you're driving - does he do that often? Is it a small car, that he can reach you? I'd be looking at moving his child seat further back in the car, or over to the passenger side, so he can't reach you. A good five-point harness should be tight enough so he can't reach you.</p><p></p><p>I remember we had to install a big sheet of cardboard between the child seats in the back, so the kids there couldn't get to each other. And child restraints were a lot less rigid back then - we have really strict rules now, the booster has to be solid and not merely foam, and even the booster has to have a five point harness now. But we would refuse to drive anywhere, put music on, do anything at all, until all belts and harnesses were on and fitted correctly. Any child undoing belts or harnesses while the car was moving - we'd get to the side, fast, and put hazard lights on until things were done up again. And we used to spank for that one - times have changed a lot!</p><p></p><p>With complaining about the music - we often would put it on to drown out tantrums and if the tantrums got louder, we'd turn up the music. The car stereo could out-shout any four kids. They soon learnt that if they didn't want their ears blasted, to shut up. And if they said, "That music is so loud it hurts my ears," we would reply, "And you think your screaming doesn't hurt me?"</p><p></p><p>Another rule we have - it's up to the driver, whether music is on (and what music). Keep the driver happy. Do not interfere with or ague with the driver, or we could take a wrong turn or have an accident. And if you're whining about wanting to get home - a wrong turn or accident will delay things A LOT.</p><p></p><p>Good luck with getting a diagnosis, fast. And get into Ross Greene - your son fits the description, with his extremely high level of frustration plus his short fuse. You may need to change tack to handle him more effectively.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 66877, member: 1991"] I would have confiscated the water bottle but not thrown it away. Something I've found is a HUGE trigger, in itself - possessions. difficult child 3 is outgrowing clothes fast and we need to empty the house of all unwanted/unusable possessions, but he simply can't let go, so I give them away to people we know. As long as he knows he can't use them himself (he no longer fits his clothes, for example) and he knows they will be nearby, he can cope. He soon forgets and moves on. If someone had ever done that to me, even if my behaviour had been as bad as that, it would have triggered an entirely fresh crisis. Confiscating the bottle - if the first hit was clearly deliberate then immediate confiscation without warning can be justified, by saying, "I will hold you bottle so it doesn't accidentally hurt anyone - you could have hurt yourself or damaged the bottle." Continued misuse and clear abuse of the drink bottle shows lack of value for it and you may be able to justify giving the bottle to someone else who will value it more. And you need to find something you can do for longer term, because he's going to get worse, not better, as he gets older. You won't be able to do this when he's in his teens - he will just dumpster dive. As for grabbing your hair while you're driving - does he do that often? Is it a small car, that he can reach you? I'd be looking at moving his child seat further back in the car, or over to the passenger side, so he can't reach you. A good five-point harness should be tight enough so he can't reach you. I remember we had to install a big sheet of cardboard between the child seats in the back, so the kids there couldn't get to each other. And child restraints were a lot less rigid back then - we have really strict rules now, the booster has to be solid and not merely foam, and even the booster has to have a five point harness now. But we would refuse to drive anywhere, put music on, do anything at all, until all belts and harnesses were on and fitted correctly. Any child undoing belts or harnesses while the car was moving - we'd get to the side, fast, and put hazard lights on until things were done up again. And we used to spank for that one - times have changed a lot! With complaining about the music - we often would put it on to drown out tantrums and if the tantrums got louder, we'd turn up the music. The car stereo could out-shout any four kids. They soon learnt that if they didn't want their ears blasted, to shut up. And if they said, "That music is so loud it hurts my ears," we would reply, "And you think your screaming doesn't hurt me?" Another rule we have - it's up to the driver, whether music is on (and what music). Keep the driver happy. Do not interfere with or ague with the driver, or we could take a wrong turn or have an accident. And if you're whining about wanting to get home - a wrong turn or accident will delay things A LOT. Good luck with getting a diagnosis, fast. And get into Ross Greene - your son fits the description, with his extremely high level of frustration plus his short fuse. You may need to change tack to handle him more effectively. Marg [/QUOTE]
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