The hill I am going to die on!

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by exhausted, Feb 9, 2012.

  1. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    husband and I have no parental authority. Every rule has been broken. Every consequence side stepped or bowled over.
    But... I have a hill I am going to die on! When difficult child goes somewhere without permission, she will get no ride home from us. I can't believe how she is trying her best to get control of this. Despite the fact that we have laid this out as a consequence for going somewhere without permission, she continues to try and get rides!! We have not once given in to this since we set the rule, but she is tenacious. (Her friends don't drive and the long distance friends would never give her a ride-they need their weed money)

    Tonight she calls at 6:00 and asks me to get her from her friends. I repeated the rule. She informed me she and her friend were in the park and got searched by the police. (Her friend lives right next to a local park). Mmmmm. Can they search without cause? Just what were you 2 doing? She laughed and said, "We got lucky because we have both been clean." Then she asked for a ride again. What the he()? Does she think I buy her garbage?

    She works tomorrow so I know she'll be home. She has attended the aftercare at her first Residential Treatment Center (RTC) the last two weeks. She told me last night as I took her to the meeting, that she wanted to score points with me, that was why she was going. I told her, "How sad. I had hoped you were doing it for yourself." Her response was," Of course I am." She doesn't know what she is doing.

    And isn't it sad that the only power I have is to refuse her rides? By gosh, I will pitch my tent there on that hill, stake my territory, and die if need be !! Pitiful..LOL!
  2. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Hey E -- I will hang out w you in your tent. I'll bring the s'mores.

  3. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    Exhausted....i totally understand. Stand your ground.

    I move between planting my flag, killing difficult child, and running away from home. Just tired of it all....Know what I mean?? Been so tired for two days now. Just dealing with leftover stress.

    I don't get when it became ok to deal with the police so much. To act a fool. To break the law. Someone changed society's rules and forgot to tell me. difficult child came out of the dorm with sleep pants and 5pm. I now have a rule against that type of clothing in my car. Sheeshhhh! Sorry...been a long day.
  4. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Signora-love s'mores so you can camp with me!
    AG-I Know what I mean? alright. So sorry about your difficult child. It's a miracle that we all have not been driven to drinking by these kids. We need a mommy rehab just to recoup. Now that would be money well spent! I know I have been driven to sarcasm, wanting to run away as well, and just mean thoughts I never thought I was capable of. I just have to tell myself "let go and let God" and she isnt doing this to me but to herself. Oh my gosh-my learning curve is so horrid. I'm blinded by my love for her and wishing.....
  5. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    Excellent point about the to herself. Sad though....

    I'll find us some nice warm blankets. Sweet dreams all.
  6. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It's a very unsettling feeling when we realize we have no power to contol their behavior. But I guess it's where we have to get before we can learn to let go and let God.

  7. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    A mommy retreat would be good.... don't think I would choose a tent though.... maybe a nice inn, with warm comfy beds and pillows, a nice fireplace with a roaring fire, good food and the company of all of you... where we could talk and laugh and have fun!!!

  8. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'll be with TL in the cozy inn with a fireplace. I'm not a camping kind of girl.

  9. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Not even if we could line up a nice set of class-A motorhomes?
  10. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    As long as there is an easily accessible bathroom in the middle of the night and a comfy bed and pillow and good company i am in!
  11. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm in, I'll bring my own pillow though.

  12. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I don't want you to "die on a hill"...that sounds terrible!

    I'd love, instead, to see you turn the tables on this difficult child...

    Can you arrange a plan to stay at a relative or friend's house on short notice? Next time difficult child takes off without permission - you grab your overnight bag and go stay with your friend. When difficult child calls for her ride home, you say "Where have you been??? We got invited to your aunt's house for the weekend and since you weren't home, we assumed you had other plans. We won't be back until tomorrow - you'll have to figure something out. Love you! Bye!"
  13. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Nope, that is still camping to me. My parents were campers when I was growing up and we went from a tent to a pop-up camper to a motorhome and I hated them all. I guess I was a difficult child in that regard.

    I promised myself that once I was an adult no one could make me go camping again. And I have kept that promise.

  14. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    I love your idea! I think we just might have to do this. Then she'll have to figure out how to get to work and where to sleep and how to wash her uniform etc.... Not sure it would change anything, might make me smile!

    Not a big camper either. Love being outside, love the fire, the stars, but love a bed as well. I just am not going to get off the hill with the one thing that I can enforce with my child (yes she is a child). Like I said it is pitiful but it is reality that it is the only thing that ticks her off and that I can insist on.