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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 723755" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>LBL, hard to believe this was one year ago, the time flies so quickly by.</p><p>With all that is swirling around you, I hope that you are able to enjoy the holidays.</p><p></p><p>I know, I know, it is <em>hard.</em></p><p></p><p>I am hoping that with sons youth on his side (well it really is a double edged sword, because youth can make us all do a whole lot of stupid) <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/cautious.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":cautious:" title="cautious :cautious:" data-shortname=":cautious:" />, but.........you have a whole lot of <em>smart </em>on your side.</p><p>Not putting up with shenanigans, being firm in your resolve to not enable are tools that will help you both.</p><p></p><p>While he is so young and three years in the grip of this, he has a chance to turn around.</p><p>I know my two do as well, but it has been a long road for them (and us)</p><p></p><p>I recently spoke with a family friend and he said "Rain is still living in the park?"</p><p>Gulp</p><p>"Yes she is, it is her choice and I can't for the life of me figure out how anyone would choose this, but choose it, she does."</p><p></p><p>I suppose the long years of this have hardened my armor, if I had to feel the pain of it every day, I don't think I would be able to get up out of bed.</p><p>Jedi mind tricks.</p><p>On myself.</p><p>Switch the focus, Leafy.</p><p>Pray.</p><p>Be Spock. (Star Trek Spock, not Doctor Spock )</p><p></p><p>It is not that I am so strong, I am really just so tired of feeling the <em>misery of my twos consequences</em>.</p><p>That is why I am still here on CD, to remind myself that there is nothing to be done.</p><p>To try to help others in the throes of it, in turn it helps me.</p><p>Reading and writing here, also warns me, "Don't go there again Leafy........"</p><p>Not to say that I don't have my moments of deep sadness.......</p><p></p><p>It is not that I have given up on them, I have given up the notion that <em>I am the one to help them.</em></p><p>I am not a counselor, or a psychologist.</p><p>That is what they need.</p><p>Not to be housed along with their mother, who at the same time, they are looking at as an <em>opportunity, a potential victim.</em></p><p> I would be the victim of their manipulations, <em>if I let them</em>.</p><p></p><p>I truly believe part of the machinations of addiction is to pull down loved ones into the rabbit hole so as to confound us into enabling the user.</p><p>I totally de-personified that didn't I?</p><p>Machinations of addiction.</p><p>Huh.</p><p>This is not the little children we so lovingly raised.</p><p>Yet, <em>it is</em>.</p><p></p><p>There within lies the challenge.</p><p>"How can I enjoy myself when my daughter is living in a park?"</p><p>Says the emotional part of me.</p><p>Then comes the stoic voice in my head</p><p>"Would you go down the tubes <em>emotionally</em> with them, really? How would that help?"</p><p>It takes a lot to pull up, in the midst of it all.</p><p>Geez, after all of these years, I have had a lot of practice at it.</p><p></p><p>It is really a grieving.</p><p></p><p>Not the grief of losing a loved one, but so, so similar, and maybe <em>harder, </em>because our d cs are still here on earth.</p><p></p><p>Of course emotion takes over when these episodes of stupid, the consequences, are staring us right in the face.</p><p>Grabbing us by our hearts.</p><p></p><p>Then come the holidays, and the tapes of yesteryear start to reel through our heads and it is hard to find time to be........joyful.</p><p>Peaceful.</p><p>Mindful.</p><p></p><p>It is really important.</p><p>For you.</p><p></p><p>And your son.</p><p></p><p>The emotional stress of all of this is off the charts.</p><p></p><p>Holidays can ramp it up with the "Norman Rockwell" imagery of family dinners <em>everywhere around us. </em></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That is your Spock voice, LBL. It is for the best, for you and him.</p><p></p><p>Consequences of his choices.</p><p></p><p>The tapes will reel, and the imagery is there for him, too. He may try to shove it down, but those memories are there.</p><p></p><p>I cherish those memories now. It used to drag me down to think of them because of what is happening.</p><p></p><p> I am thankful that we had some beautiful moments as a family.</p><p></p><p>Creating cherished moments now is where I am at.</p><p>Life is too short to languish in the what has, what if’s and what may be.</p><p>I don't want life to pass me by.</p><p></p><p>"It is through gratitude for the present moment that the spiritual dimension of life opens up."</p><p> Eckhart Tolle</p><p></p><p>That is what I meant by golden moments in another post. Not that life is all golden. We are like miners sifting and sifting through the river of life for the big moments, that big chunk of gold. Even in troubled, challenging times, when the river is murky, still we pan, there are tiny flecks of golden moments we can sift out, and they add up. We miss out on the flecks, if we are only focused on the big chunk of gold we are wishing for.</p><p>Our d cs to be well.</p><p>It may, or may not happen in the time frame we wish for.</p><p>Still, tiny flecks are all around us.</p><p></p><p>A beautiful sunrise.</p><p>Good health.</p><p>A walk.</p><p>Birdsong.</p><p>Gentle breezes.</p><p></p><p>Take time through all of this, LBL, to not only find little golden moments, but to <em>create </em>them.</p><p></p><p>Continue to build yourself up.</p><p>Shift your focus.</p><p></p><p>As Kalahou says "You will be alright."</p><p></p><p>You are steadily walking through this, one footstep at a time.</p><p></p><p>You are strong, and you are not alone.</p><p></p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 723755, member: 19522"] LBL, hard to believe this was one year ago, the time flies so quickly by. With all that is swirling around you, I hope that you are able to enjoy the holidays. I know, I know, it is [I]hard.[/I] I am hoping that with sons youth on his side (well it really is a double edged sword, because youth can make us all do a whole lot of stupid) :cautious:, but.........you have a whole lot of [I]smart [/I]on your side. Not putting up with shenanigans, being firm in your resolve to not enable are tools that will help you both. While he is so young and three years in the grip of this, he has a chance to turn around. I know my two do as well, but it has been a long road for them (and us) I recently spoke with a family friend and he said "Rain is still living in the park?" Gulp "Yes she is, it is her choice and I can't for the life of me figure out how anyone would choose this, but choose it, she does." I suppose the long years of this have hardened my armor, if I had to feel the pain of it every day, I don't think I would be able to get up out of bed. Jedi mind tricks. On myself. Switch the focus, Leafy. Pray. Be Spock. (Star Trek Spock, not Doctor Spock ) It is not that I am so strong, I am really just so tired of feeling the [I]misery of my twos consequences[/I]. That is why I am still here on CD, to remind myself that there is nothing to be done. To try to help others in the throes of it, in turn it helps me. Reading and writing here, also warns me, "Don't go there again Leafy........" Not to say that I don't have my moments of deep sadness....... It is not that I have given up on them, I have given up the notion that [I]I am the one to help them.[/I] I am not a counselor, or a psychologist. That is what they need. Not to be housed along with their mother, who at the same time, they are looking at as an [I]opportunity, a potential victim.[/I] I would be the victim of their manipulations, [I]if I let them[/I]. I truly believe part of the machinations of addiction is to pull down loved ones into the rabbit hole so as to confound us into enabling the user. I totally de-personified that didn't I? Machinations of addiction. Huh. This is not the little children we so lovingly raised. Yet, [I]it is[/I]. There within lies the challenge. "How can I enjoy myself when my daughter is living in a park?" Says the emotional part of me. Then comes the stoic voice in my head "Would you go down the tubes [I]emotionally[/I] with them, really? How would that help?" It takes a lot to pull up, in the midst of it all. Geez, after all of these years, I have had a lot of practice at it. It is really a grieving. Not the grief of losing a loved one, but so, so similar, and maybe [I]harder, [/I]because our d cs are still here on earth. Of course emotion takes over when these episodes of stupid, the consequences, are staring us right in the face. Grabbing us by our hearts. Then come the holidays, and the tapes of yesteryear start to reel through our heads and it is hard to find time to be........joyful. Peaceful. Mindful. It is really important. For you. And your son. The emotional stress of all of this is off the charts. Holidays can ramp it up with the "Norman Rockwell" imagery of family dinners [I]everywhere around us. [/I] That is your Spock voice, LBL. It is for the best, for you and him. Consequences of his choices. The tapes will reel, and the imagery is there for him, too. He may try to shove it down, but those memories are there. I cherish those memories now. It used to drag me down to think of them because of what is happening. I am thankful that we had some beautiful moments as a family. Creating cherished moments now is where I am at. Life is too short to languish in the what has, what if’s and what may be. I don't want life to pass me by. "It is through gratitude for the present moment that the spiritual dimension of life opens up." Eckhart Tolle That is what I meant by golden moments in another post. Not that life is all golden. We are like miners sifting and sifting through the river of life for the big moments, that big chunk of gold. Even in troubled, challenging times, when the river is murky, still we pan, there are tiny flecks of golden moments we can sift out, and they add up. We miss out on the flecks, if we are only focused on the big chunk of gold we are wishing for. Our d cs to be well. It may, or may not happen in the time frame we wish for. Still, tiny flecks are all around us. A beautiful sunrise. Good health. A walk. Birdsong. Gentle breezes. Take time through all of this, LBL, to not only find little golden moments, but to [I]create [/I]them. Continue to build yourself up. Shift your focus. As Kalahou says "You will be alright." You are steadily walking through this, one footstep at a time. You are strong, and you are not alone. (((HUGS))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
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