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The holidays as my children get older
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 31332" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p>Hi Karen! I know exactly how you feel about the holidays becoming less and less something to celebrate, yet not wanting to give it up completely. </p><p></p><p>Since my girls were 4 and 2, I've had to alternate holidays with EXH. Of course, Thanksgiving and Christmas are the most difficult for me. I cried and cried the first time I had to put them on the ferry to NY - Oh how I missed them. I was beside myself, couldn't cook, couldn't eat, didn't open gifts - it was awful. Even H, who enjoyed the downtime back then much more than I seemed a little depressed that the house was so quiet. </p><p></p><p>Over the years I came to tolerate and then when difficult child was at her worst and I was in the midst of trying to convince EXH of her behaviors, I came to almost appreciate the break. H and I started new traditions on the years when our girls weren't home. We had a leisurely morning, a big breakfast, read the paper. I would usually plan a meal, though it was smaller, and then we'd go to an afternoon matinee of the newest movie. If the weather was cooperative, we'd maybe go for a walk at a local park, or go home and have a snack, nap, listen to music and then get up for our small dinner. And when I made up the table, I'd do it up with candles, china, etc. Really go out of your way to make it special because it is, even if the kiddos aren't there. Make it special for you and H. </p><p></p><p>OR, as friends learned of our "aloneness", we'd get invites. At first it felt funny to spend big holidays with friends instead of family, but we forced ourselves to go and really had a nice time. One year, I had friends over and that was different, but it was nice. I found that I missed my girls even more that year because they weren't there with us.</p><p></p><p>I dread the day when my girls tell me they are spending a holiday with a boyfriend's family instead of with me or EXH. It's hard enough to not have them when they are with EXH, but then to be chosen over for a boyfriend!! This year my 19dd told me she may go to her boyfriend's in Ohio for Thanksgiving, and this year I am supposed to have them for Thanksgiving because they are at their dad's for Christmas!!! I am not happy about this, but I am buttoning my lip because, as you said, they are adults now and they get to make these decisions. I wonder if they will ever give up a holiday with EXH for a boyfriend?? Hmmm, something tells me not. It's easier to let me down than him for some reason.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there, make new traditions with H and explore something new this year. Perhaps you could visit the Butterfly place up in Deerfield Mass - Magic Wings. It's a beautiful place and a lovely way to spend an afternoon! They are open year round, except Christmas. Gentle hugs to you~</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 31332, member: 2211"] Hi Karen! I know exactly how you feel about the holidays becoming less and less something to celebrate, yet not wanting to give it up completely. Since my girls were 4 and 2, I've had to alternate holidays with EXH. Of course, Thanksgiving and Christmas are the most difficult for me. I cried and cried the first time I had to put them on the ferry to NY - Oh how I missed them. I was beside myself, couldn't cook, couldn't eat, didn't open gifts - it was awful. Even H, who enjoyed the downtime back then much more than I seemed a little depressed that the house was so quiet. Over the years I came to tolerate and then when difficult child was at her worst and I was in the midst of trying to convince EXH of her behaviors, I came to almost appreciate the break. H and I started new traditions on the years when our girls weren't home. We had a leisurely morning, a big breakfast, read the paper. I would usually plan a meal, though it was smaller, and then we'd go to an afternoon matinee of the newest movie. If the weather was cooperative, we'd maybe go for a walk at a local park, or go home and have a snack, nap, listen to music and then get up for our small dinner. And when I made up the table, I'd do it up with candles, china, etc. Really go out of your way to make it special because it is, even if the kiddos aren't there. Make it special for you and H. OR, as friends learned of our "aloneness", we'd get invites. At first it felt funny to spend big holidays with friends instead of family, but we forced ourselves to go and really had a nice time. One year, I had friends over and that was different, but it was nice. I found that I missed my girls even more that year because they weren't there with us. I dread the day when my girls tell me they are spending a holiday with a boyfriend's family instead of with me or EXH. It's hard enough to not have them when they are with EXH, but then to be chosen over for a boyfriend!! This year my 19dd told me she may go to her boyfriend's in Ohio for Thanksgiving, and this year I am supposed to have them for Thanksgiving because they are at their dad's for Christmas!!! I am not happy about this, but I am buttoning my lip because, as you said, they are adults now and they get to make these decisions. I wonder if they will ever give up a holiday with EXH for a boyfriend?? Hmmm, something tells me not. It's easier to let me down than him for some reason. Hang in there, make new traditions with H and explore something new this year. Perhaps you could visit the Butterfly place up in Deerfield Mass - Magic Wings. It's a beautiful place and a lovely way to spend an afternoon! They are open year round, except Christmas. Gentle hugs to you~ [/QUOTE]
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