So, recently I have been hit really hard with this enormous 10 ton load of loss - it is hard to even stand up. It is truly physical. It is Christmas, and I miss my sister, and difficult child, more than one could even articulate. I would say more than half of the time, I am fine. Especially when I am at work, or "busy". However, periodically over the last week, I just feel like the grief demon is slamming me to the ground. It is more physical than even emotional. Primal. I can't talk to difficult child right now except for a couple of times a week, and only with a counselor on the phone. And I won't see him on Christmas, obviously. And so there is this enormous pain welling up inside of me. I find myself just talking to him in my head, about silly things. Hey M, it snowed today. And OMG, you should have seen your dog D. And you know what happened today? And then there is H., who I still constantly talk to in my head. OMG H, you wouldn't believe what dad said. H., I am reading this book, XYZ, you would love it. And H., you know what happened today? I don't even know really what to do. Any ideas on how to make the intensity stop. What can I say or do when I feel this loss monster ready to eat me from the inside out? I do the traditional things, therapy, exercise, friends, blah, blah, blah. Nothing seems to detour the loss, except experiencing it, and trying to at some level accept it.