The lady who is so mean to disabled son

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by MidwestMom, Oct 1, 2013.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I first met her when Tom and I were watching a homecoming parade at the corner of my street with a lot of other people. She had one of those lined know, the mouth that doesn't flip up or down but is just one straight line. She had three teens with her. One obviously has something wrong with him. I don't know if she knows it, but I'm sure everyone else figured it out. He was tall and homely with glasses and had a weird gait, stuttered a lot, and his eye twitched. He had trouble speaking any words and, when he did speak, he sounded as if he were a little bit slow.

    The lady started criticising him and telling him how bad he was and what a horrible child he was as soons they stopped walkling. She was right beside me so I could hear her. She didn't bother to keep her voice that soft, but I don't think I would have been able to hear her so clearly if I'd been further away. She was short with and snappish at the other two kids, but, from what s he said, I took it that they were both foreign exchange students (poor kids) and they didn't seem to care what she said to them. She did not tell them how horrible they were. She saved that for her own son. He looked just like her so I assume he is her son.

    She told him he was grounded. When he asked why, she snapped that he knew why so he had to stay with her and not look for other kids. He listened without arguing. She brought up something he must have broken. He said it had been an accident, in his slow, rambling, stuttering way. She told himl to shut up and stop lying; she was tired of him lying all the time.

    I was glad when the parade ended because then I knew she'd be gone.

    I never thought I'd see her again, but I went to church last Sunday and guess who was sitting right in front orf me in the second to last pew? You guessed it. The lady and the three teenagers. And she spent the entire time shushing him, although he wasn't being noisy, and whispering nastily at him. She gave him a shove once the services were over, still sporting her line mouth lips.

    I felt so sorry for the boy. I wanted to say, "I'm really sorry she treats you that way," but of course I said nothing.

    I know we have no idea what goes on behind closed doors, but she so obviously dislikes her son and made no attempt to hide it. Clearly, he is not your "typical" teenager either.

    I guess this is a vent. I have no idea why anybody would showcase their dislike of a child so blatantly. It was worse than when a mom gets upset and yells at a kid then calms down. And in many ways it was worse than a slap.

    She lives somewhere in my town. I hope I never run into her again. I am looking for a church home and just seeing her there was a turn off, although the church service was actually pretty good.
  2. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    This is very sad. If you get the chance ever, tell the boy how awesome he is, and not to ever forget it. I hope you run into him again. We always hope our parents don't hide the disability from their child, but tell them -so they can compensate. Although it sounds like the mom is in denial.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'm not sure she gets it. Maybe she doesn't see the obvious or doesn't think it's that bad. Honestly, I've seen teens smarting off to their parents and being obnoxious and defiant in public, but this kid did everything his mother told him to do. I don't know what he did in his house, but I don't think he is too bright cognitively. He processes and responds very slowly and he has to be about sixteen or seventeen. I really had to bite my lip not to tell the lady how bad SHE looked, especially in church.

    I have such a soft heart for all kids. No kids deserves that public display of disdain. But this child is obviously different and he had no fire to fight back or even give her a hard look. Instead he just looked resigned, like he is used to it. I wonder if there is a father around.
  4. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    I hope he has at least one positive person in his life that can encourage him and counteract his mother's horrible treatment of him. Poor kid.
  5. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    Maybe if you see her again at the church, you could approach the pastor or someone there and say that the boy seems like he could use a friend or a mentor. The church might be a place to get him some help. Or put an anonymous note in their suggestion box about the woman.
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    This is child abuse and if he is her son it has probably gone on his whole life. I have seen it before and it is one of the ugliest things I have ever encountered. She clearly wishes she had a different person for a son and she takes that out on him. It has most likely seriously harmed him emotionally. It makes me wonder what she does to him at home. When you have such strong dislike and maybe even hate someone the way she seems to feel about him, there isn't much of a line between what she says and physical child abuse. It is more than likely he is either neglected or abused in other ways than just verbally. That degree of animosity has to have an outlet and in her mind, it is all his fault so he would be where she directs her abuse. If you can, maybe a word to the pastor of that church so he could talk to her and maybe keep an eye on things would help the boy. in my opinion this is sad. She likely thinks she can make him what she wants if she is mean enough to him, but it doesn't work that way. Someday she will be sick and old (or not so old as this kind of ugliness ages you and wrecks your body) and he will have to care for her. I bet she regrets it then because chances are he will not be that nice to her. I sure wouldn't.

    This is a family tragedy waiting to happen and it is of her own design. I hope that as soon as he is able he will get far, far, far away from her.
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Susie, of course it's child abuse.

    The problem is, CPS gave a long speech to us when I worked at Head Start and they can not do anything about "verbal abuse." They explained why with a long explanation. To sum it up, because it doesn't show up physically and everyone has his/her own idea of emotional abuse, it just won't stand up in court no matter how blatant it is. CPS can do nothing for any child other than offer services unless the child is bruised from head to toe, it is is documented, and pictures are taken OR sexual abuse is alleged. Then they may take the child even if there is no proof. It's a very flawed organization.

    I am new to this church and don't know the pastor. My guess is this lady has been playing Good Christian for a long time and I will only be met with disbelief if I tell anybody about her. I'm not a member and am keeping an open mind about which church I want to join (I may decide a different one is better). I wish there was something I could do, but there isn't. But it made me sick. I will never sit by her again.
  8. HMBgal

    HMBgal Active Member

    Poor boy. If it's that obvious to you, it's probably obvious to others. He must feel so alone in the world. And I would think that cognitive delays would have shown up at school and he would be getting some friendly help there. I was verbally and physically abused for years by my foster parents and I really thought no one knew or cared. As I came to find out later, everyone saw it, but were too scared to say anything. One neighbor lady did call the welfare department, but they sent out a social worker who asked me, in front of my foster mother, "Is she screaming and hitting you?" Duh. Or course I answered "no," and that was that. You can do what you can do, like expressing your concern to the pastor. At least you'll know in your heart that you tried. The system does seem set up to protect people like that mother, who probably has issues of her own.