The latest in our saga.....

[toughlovin]

Hi all,

Well things with difficult child have deteriorated. He messaged me yesterday and it is clear he is planning on coming back here and so I asked him about it and he asked if I was going to turn him in. I responded with what I thought were very clear boundaries... I would not call the police and tell him where he was, but I would not lie if they come and asked me. That I would not pay to hide him and he could not come to the house.... but I would meet him for a meal and I would give him the phone.

Well he reacted with all this stuff about how I needed to know my rights and that I didnt have to talk to the police etc etc. It got quite nasty with him calling me a snitch etc. I am not sure what he expected from me.... to support him while he hides out here from the police? I am not doing that!

He then completely blocked me, only to quickly unblock me but unfriend me so that he could send me another messsage and also tag me on a post in his FB page "My mom is f****** narc". Of course then I had to figure out how to get that off my FB page. LOL.

So that is where we are...he is coming back but has cut off contact with me... until of cousre hhe needs something like his phone. He is clearly back (for the moment) with the toxic girlfriend. I know that once he his back here he will end up getting arrested for something (hopefully nothing too terrible) and will probably end up in prison and at this point I really think that is the best place for him. I think it is the only way he will get any treatment and stick with it.

I am really ok at the moment.... disgusted and so detaching detaching detaching once again.

*TL

 

[busywend]

Detach for sure. IN fact, I think YOU should Unfriend him so he can't just add you back (not sure if that is how it works) without your consent.

Ugh! Don't answer the phone or emails from him.

 

[scent of cedar]

I think you are handling this beautifully, TL.

Ouch on the FB comment. Ouch on everything your difficult child is presenting you with this morning, actually.

Temper tantrums from 19 year old difficult children are not fun to witness, for sure.

No matter how explosive the reaction to what we tell them, we need to continue teaching the kids the right way to do things. I am glad you didn't let him hide out at your house. I think your son knows you love him, and now he knows, for sure, that you refuse to help him continue on a wrong path.

So painful for you, TL.

Posting helps so much.

Barbara

 

[toughlovin]

Thank you..... I need to update my bio info.... as my son is now throwing 21 year old tantrums which is even worse!!

It is just convincing me that he needs serious mental health treatment and in a place where he can't leave! And it is so much easier to detach when I am disgusted and kind of mad!!!

I just hope nothing horrible happens...

And there is no way I would hide him out here.... and I am not participating in helping him continue on this crazy self destructive path.

*TL

 

[Nancy]

I always found it was easier to detach when difficult child was being her obnoxious self and raging about me. Ifhe defriended you are you still able to bee things on his fb? He won't stay out of contact long because he needs you to see the nasty things he is writing about you since you are the audience he is targeting and I assume he really doesn't have any other friends who care about that. You told him exactly what I would have told my difficult child. It is unreasonable for him to expect you to lie and hide him.

His girlfriend is toxic and I really don't understand her. If she wants him back so badly why doesn;t she offer him a place to stay?

 

[Kathy813]

TL, are you still going to give him a phone? I wouldn't after something like that. Let the girlfriend give him a phone if she wants to talk to him.

{{{Hugs}}}

~Kathy

 

[toughlovin]

My guess is the girlfriend will offer him a place to stay and that that is the current plan... which will fall apart very quickly because there relationship is extremely volatile.... and good chance will end up with him getting arrested. Who knows that is just my guess.

Kathy I am still going to give him the phone but he will have to see me to get it. LOL. I think husband and I have decided we feel better having him have a phone so it is really for our peace of mind not his. It will be a way for us to know he is alive and also to possibly get in touch or find him if we need to. However he will have to get in touch to get it and at this point I am not mailing it or giving it to someone else for him.... so if he wont do that he wont get it.

I really think he will end up getting arrested... either because he does something stupid or because he will go to his old haunts and be seen by police who know him and run him and find out he has warrants out.

And I really have come to terms with the idea that prison is his best bet right now as sad as that is.

*TL

 

[PatriotsGirl]

I honestly think jail has been a real experience for my difficult child...she sounds pretty broken, but unfortunately, that is exactly what needs to happen...

 

[DammitJanet]

TL....is the phone a smartphone? Can you put a family locator on it? Honestly I think I would get a phone that I could put that locator on it. You can actually do that through one of the virus protectors like lookout. It will tell you where your phone is. Now I just use family locator but for some odd reason Tony's phone keeps getting turned off but its only after Buck talks on it. Buck swears he is not capable of doing such things but Bs.

 

[toughlovin]

Thanks Janet.... no it is not a smartphone..... no way am I giving him any kind of phone with bells and whistles, although it is hard to find phones these days that are not smart phones... but I have my ipad mini so I dont need a smart phone and he will (if he ever sees me) get my old phone. And yes we have family locator on all the phones, although if he figures that out he will probably turn it off.

But that is why I want him to have a phone.... it is a way for me to make sure he is still alive, and maybe find him if I need to.

But at the moment he is being pretty quiet and has still unfriended me from FB. The other day he did apologize for the way he talked to me but when I responded that I did not feel I deserved his anger he did not respond!! I think his apology was total manipulation and somethng the girl put him up too.... maybe it makes her feel better if he treats me decently? Who knows but I did not really think the apology was sincere although I did not say that. I am just getting too cynical.... you can only be snowed so long and so many times you know.

So I am still wondering if he will come back to town adn then what will happen but time will tell, and probably sooner rather than later.


*TL

 

[lovemysons]

TL,
Thinking of you and difficult child tonight.

I so hope he will figure it out one of these days soon.
Mine needs medical treatment too...but refuses it. It's pretty sad when we can see by their choices and how they live that they so obviously need something more...but they can't see it themselves.

Hang in there TL.
Hugs,
LMS