The Making of a difficult child

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by JJJ, Mar 8, 2010.

  1. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    The same little neighbor boy has already started bugging Tigger!!!

    He has been allowed to roam the neighborhood -- unsupervised -- since he was 2. He is now 11 and a total difficult child. He claims to be in a "gang" and threatens kids to keep them in line and bully other kids. Many of the neighborhood kids are not allowed to play with him but are more scared of him than of their parents.

    He tried to get a group of kids to start a fight with Tigger today but between Piglet and her friends coming over to stop it, a neighbor who was out walking her dog and me (watching the kids from my house and saw the body language), we were able to get there quick enough to prevent any physical blows but Tigger and several of the other boys were very upset.

    Course the boy comes back 20 minutes later all sugar and sweet. He reminds me so much of Kanga, it scares me. He is going to be very dangerous very soon. I hate these first days of warmer weather.
  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Ugh! I hope something can done to help this difficult child stop being a bully so he doesn't hurt someone else's child. {{{Hugs}}} to you & Tigger and a big Way To Go!!! to neighbor, Piglet and her friends...
  3. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I am so thankful we do not live in town.

    Hugs, and kudos to all for keeping an eye out.
  4. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Yeesh. What a fun little neighborly guy. NOT.

    We have a difficult child living about four doors down. He moved in with his divorced dad when he was in 7th grade I think. He started dealing drugs from dad's house when he was in highschool. He now lives there alone with his girlfriend whom I think is supporting him since I never see him go out. His dad moved out. He's got to be in his early to mid-20's now. He's still dealing, I'm pretty sure, though not on a daily basis like it was a few years ago. We only see a car come around once or twice a month instead of every day like before. It got to the point where I was writing down license plates just to be safe. After one of his wild weekend parties, husband's car got broken into and a bunch of stuff stolen. The kid tries to stare people down and look as menacing as possible when he's outside. He must just think he's king of the world. Tonight he had the stereo blasting so loud I could hear it outside through his closed windows and doors. I pity the people who live on either side of him.

    Didn't mean to hijack the thread, but I can relate to the anxiety having someone like difficult child-jr. living nearby.
  5. aeroeng

    aeroeng Mom of Three


    We had a dealer across from our house once. It took the entire neighborhood calling the cops every day to get the problem cleared up. If you stop calling for one week they figure the issue is no longer there and quit. And when the cops did come by they came with one cop car with the lights and sirens blowing. The drug dealers would grab the bag and run out the back. Neighbors keep razing the fence so they could not hop it, but they kept finding a new way out. Finally the land lord got enough circumstantial evidence to get a judge to order an eviction, and the problem went to a different neighborhood.

    If drugs are being pedaled I would start a phone program. Have the entire street call the cops daily. Call the land lord. (If you can prove he knows the drugs dealing is going on they can repossess his house if he does nothing). If he owns the house, and is not working and taking drugs it is only a matter of time before he fails to pay the mortgage. We saw that one happen too, but I don't think they were saleing.
  6. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    A- our PD knows about the problem. They've been out to the house. I've seen plain-clothes officers knocking on the door, too. I even called to talk to the detective in charge of the vice squad and he said they were aware that something was going on, they said they suspect that it was pot he was selling, but they didn't have enough proof yet to make an arrest. He encouraged me to contact them the next time I saw cars coming and going, and even to try to get license numbers because they could notify a squad car in the area to check out the cars as they left the area. I've even talked to the next-door neighbor and he said he knows something's going on there and has talked to the police too. The activity now is so sporadic, it's hard to catch. And the way these houses are built, it's hard to see what's going on outside without going out yourself -- makes it hard to be inconspicuous -- plus, our street curves, making it harder still to see what's going on a few doors down. I very rarely see this kid outside, which is also making me think he's using and selling.
  7. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Okay, my thread got totally hijacked! :rofl:

    Tigger had to be restrained at school for the first time since Sept. It was actually two restraints because as soon as they let go the first time, they had to grab him again.

    Definitely a bully issue as just prior to this, the other two boys in the room were involved in a bullying episode. Tigger melted down and started to head-bang on the glass window on the door :(

    Luckily the social worker was there as it was his time for 1:1, so she took him to her office and worked with him until he was calm. He missed art but came home in a great mood. I love staff that can do their jobs well :)
  8. unsure

    unsure New Member

    Sorry he had to be restrained JJJ, but glad for your sake he came home in a good mood.
  9. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Okay -- MY bad for the hijacking...

    Tigger's lucky to have such competent adults in his life! :)
  10. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    JJJ - did you call the cops to report it? We were told, when this sort of stuff had been happening with difficult child 3, that we should have been letting the cops know all along about this, even if no blows were landed. They said that even verbal bullying should have been reported. any threats, any acts of aggression. Even though the aggressors were all under 10 years old, in our case.

    The cops said they needed a history, in order to be able to do anything or say that it was a pattern. Otherwise they labelled it an "isolated incident" even though we said this had been going on for years. They had nothing on record, you see.

    Of course, it might work differently for you in the Us, but I don't see why it should be THAT different.

    Poor Tigger - does the school know about this charmer threatening the local kids? I would tell the school, too, and ask them to keep Tigger safe.

  11. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    We thought about calling the cops but we are unsure if this boy could get others to say what he wants them to say and blame Tigger. I'm leaning towards going in to talk to them but I haven't decided yet.
  12. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Call the cops and talk to them. Let them know of your concern, that this boy is such a standover type of bully that he could get other kids to lie for him. Also tell them it's FYI, that you're not asking them to come out and actually Do anything, but to have your report on record. Ask their advice. They may be glad of a heads up of potential problems in the 'hood.

    Cops in our area have begun a program of working with local kids (the youth on the streets type of problem kids) on a weekly basis, just coming out and hanging with the kids, organising barbecues, outings etc and getting the kids to come along. It seems to be helping. difficult child 3 does not go - the kids (mostly boys) who go, are generally the ones like Tigger's bully, who are trying to control the streets as their means of entertainment. The cops here have begun this partly because of reported problems (including the attacks on difficult child 3) to try to stop these kids turning into gangs.

    From what I hear, there's some good stuff happening in our area. Cope being proactive - gotta love it!

    And if the cops you talk to decide to go talk to this kid (and other kids) they will have been alerted by you to the likelihood that they will have colluded on their stories. Experienced cops know how to ask the right questions to get to the truth.

    If you don't talk to the cops, this bully gets another scrap of control and his ego moves up another notch. It's like the story of the neighbourhood drug dealers - after ongoing supervision and interference in their activities, they usually have to go somewhere else.