The Memorial

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Hound dog, Oct 1, 2011.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    It was small, family......the kids, grandkids, me, Step, and my brother Guy who spoke for husband in the traditional way.

    At first I was both sad and angry. husband's autism prevented many people from ever knowing him as a real person. It made it difficult for him to make friendships, to connect with those outside of the family, sometimes those within the family. I was sad for so much of life that he missed, that the rest of us take for granted.

    And as Guy spoke, I realized that I shouldn't be sad. husband had his family, me and the kids, and our extended native family. We did everything as a family. We worked as a family. We played as a family. We lived as a family. We loved as a family. We made it through the good and the bad as a family.

    Today, when we said goodbye to husband and wished him well on his new journey, we did it as a family.

    I think waiting for today was harder on me than I realized. Because today was the first day I really had no physical symptoms other than a minor remaining cough.

    There was a comical moment in the car. Of course we were transporting husband's remains. The kids really gave no thought when I placed the box next to me in the car. But when we reached the cemetery......Darrin asked me what was in the box. I paused a moment. Then casually as you please told him papa. His mouth fell open (papa was a BIG man, this is a little box). NUh uh! He's not in there. Yes, papa is in there. We brought him to be buried. Then I let easy child explain that he was cremated. Somethings a Nana just doesn't have to do. But we all laughed at his reaction. Aubrey took it in stride. I swear nothing phases her.

    When we reached Nichole's her husband had a rum and coke ready for me. Only the boy doesn't have a clue how to make a "stiff" drink, and thought he'd pass off the cheap rum on me......I had him give me the bottle of good rum and trust me, it was good and stiff. But I was good and only had one. The grandkids really liked the picture memorial Nichole had running on her playstation. It took husband from birth until right before he died. They were a bit in awe he'd been a baby and a kid at one time. lol Darrin was glued to the military photos. easy child as resigned herself to the fact that Darrin will be a military man. It's in his genes. He's so proud of the fact that husband gave him some of his medals a few months before he passed. Aubrey was busy impressing Step with her yoga, and Oliver was melting his nana's heart.

    No physical symptoms tonight either. I know I was dreading this day.

    On a side note. I don't know about other funeral directors, but the one I chose has got to be the dearest man on the planet. He not only carefully talked us through this whole process, but wrote it down to help me remember. He did the paperwork for the VA. He got the death certificate, plus an extra official copy, plus several other copies and charged us for none of them. He sent one copy to social security, which let them go ahead and close it for husband without me having to drive an hour down there or spending forever trying to find all the paperwork they'd want. The CW is calling me on the 14th to fill out the forms for the death benefits so I won't have to drive down there too. He not only cut his own fee in half........he found every possible way not to charge us for things. And then? He has yet to ask to be paid. The one who did it for my stepdad wouldn't release the body for burial until mom paid the fee. easy child said she got the rather strong impression he doesn't expect to get paid, due to the finances. Well, then he'll be surprised because he'll be paid in full monday morning in cash. Wish there was something else I could do because he's bent over backward for us and it certainly wasn't for the money. But I'll be recommending him to anyone who will listen for sure.

    Monday will be closing husband's acct and putting the house into my name........and pinning down the bank over the insurance so I can call them and figure that crud out once and for all. I'll also be making a doctor appointment for me. It's long overdue.

    Thank you all so very much for the lovely cards, the warm thoughts and the prayers.

  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Glad the day went well, Lisa.

    Hopefully, you'll have a better rest tonight. It helps to have "closure".

  3. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

  4. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Isn't it wonderful when people really, genuinely care? There are SOME of those left in the world. I would have loved to have seen Darrin's reaction (but glad I wasn't the one that had to explain it to him).

    I am glad you finally found some peace. Our bodies can be amazingly perceptive sometimes. {{{{(((HUGS)))}}}} hon.
  5. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

  6. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    {{{Hugs}}} I'm glad it went well and you're feeling better.
  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I am so relieved it went well for all of you. Now you can move on to the next steps in your life knowing you did everything you could to assure his peaceful passing. You remain on my mind and in my heart. Hugs. DDD
  8. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    Soft Hugs Lisa. You have a great family who will rally round you when the down times hit.

  9. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    :hugs: I'm glad your body has calmed down. You're still in my prayers.
  10. ctmom05

    ctmom05 Member

    Lisa, what you said was truly from the heart ~ you spoke it so well. I'm proud of you & the way you are moving forward.
  11. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    I am glad the services went well, and hope the rest of the healing process goes just as well. I am glad you are going to the are the only you, and that is important.
  12. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Just ((((hugs))))
  13. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Now that you've exhaled; take a deep breath and .......figure the rest out as you go. You're doing remarkable.

    Hugs & Love
  14. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    Sending you a hug, and wishing you strength to continue the way you are. You are doing great!

    Love, Esther
  15. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Lisa, I'm glad the memorial went well, it sounds lovely. You have certainly been through a very difficult time, I hope that from today forward you find peace and life is good to you.

  16. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I think you are doing spectacularly. I got sick after my dad died and I think I finally stopped hacking up a lung some time around March but only had a month or so reprieve when I went up to Easter the end of April with the kids and brought back all their germs. Ugh.

    been sick on and off all summer though now that Keyana is gone I have had as many colds buts time for my flu shot and to start takng allegy medications.
  17. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I'm not so sure about doing spectacularly..........evidently I should've knocked on wood or something when I said the physical symptoms had all but gone. GI reasserted itself after dinner tonight. But this time I think mincemeat cookies are the culprit. So much for comfort foods. lol

    (if I didn't have a sense of humor, I'd crack up)

    Doesn't look like the crises is over yet either. Nichole was in the ER late tonight, she's been having symptoms for several days but put it off until after the memorial. Her kidneys are at it again. She discovered some ER docs are morons, but at least he sent her home with a muscle relaxant. Her kidney's are spasming to the point of dropping her to the floor and knocking the breath out of her. ER doctor wouldn't do either an ultra sound or an xray. She's calling fam doctor in the morning....will return to the ER if it happens again, even if it has to be via ambulance. Urine is infection free, no blood, no crystals. So I'm wondering if she's having one of my main issues, tissue growing over and blocking the ureter. (which of course the doctor would've seen had he done either the ultrasound or the xray)
  18. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Health issues aside Lisa, I'm glad that the memorial/day was comforting for the family.

    Prayers for peaceful days to follow.

  19. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Lisa - that was possibly the single most powerful memorial I have ever been to.

    You know I didn't know your husband, and I was there for you - well, I had the feeling I did know him. And I realized, yes, I did - through you, Nichole, Travis, & easy child... I was really, really, really moved. As I think you know.

    I was honored to be part of it... I hope you saw the pictures I uploaded. $%^&* facebook wouldn't let me share them privately.
  20. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Lisa, I love kids' reactions. :)

    I am so glad you got a great funeral director. It can make all the difference in the world.

    Many, many hugs.