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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 645024" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>If husband and I had a clear idea of what specific things we would need to see from difficult child before we would help in any way, that would help us stay stable in the face of multiple and increasing demands.</p><p></p><p>That is what I think would help you two in this situation.</p><p></p><p>Make a list of what you need to see, of things that will tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt that difficult child has changed. If your list shows instead that difficult child has not changed, then you are doing the right thing in staying altogether out of it.</p><p></p><p>That is a good thing to know, too. </p><p></p><p>The mother took him in, let her deal with it.</p><p></p><p>Don't engage them at any level.</p><p></p><p>The mother sounds very determined. It sounds like she is trying to work her way in through what is "owed" a child by his father. Yet, the difficult child in question, whether the 19 or the 24 year old, is no child.</p><p></p><p>I agree with District. </p><p></p><p>The mother did not have the courage or integrity to say "no", so she is trying to hoodwink the father into taking the pressure off her.</p><p></p><p>It would be funny if it weren't so crummy. If you were to take difficult child in, it would be about two minutes before this mother and her child would be nailing you and husband to the wall over what the wonderfully changed difficult child needs next.</p><p></p><p>Stay away.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 645024, member: 17461"] If husband and I had a clear idea of what specific things we would need to see from difficult child before we would help in any way, that would help us stay stable in the face of multiple and increasing demands. That is what I think would help you two in this situation. Make a list of what you need to see, of things that will tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt that difficult child has changed. If your list shows instead that difficult child has not changed, then you are doing the right thing in staying altogether out of it. That is a good thing to know, too. The mother took him in, let her deal with it. Don't engage them at any level. The mother sounds very determined. It sounds like she is trying to work her way in through what is "owed" a child by his father. Yet, the difficult child in question, whether the 19 or the 24 year old, is no child. I agree with District. The mother did not have the courage or integrity to say "no", so she is trying to hoodwink the father into taking the pressure off her. It would be funny if it weren't so crummy. If you were to take difficult child in, it would be about two minutes before this mother and her child would be nailing you and husband to the wall over what the wonderfully changed difficult child needs next. Stay away. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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