The next chapter...

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Mikey, Nov 9, 2007.

  1. Mikey

    Mikey Psycho Gorilla Dad

    For the folks still interested, McWeedy was arrested last week at school for possession of pot and booze, as well as drug paraphernalia. The "substances" were in his car, which he was parking across the street in the mistaken belief that the school SRO's couldn't search it there (surprise - they're city police officers, and have jurisdiction anywhere in the city). Owner of the church where he was parking thought it was odd that a student would park there in the morning and walk across the street to school, so he called the PD. They called the SRO's who in turn called in the drug dogs. After the dog tried to eat his way into the car, they slimjimmed in and found his stash. They then pulled him out of class and found the pot pipe (still with resin on it) in his pocket.

    So now he's facing three charges, and has been expelled from school two months before graduation on the drug paraphernalia charge.

    So what is he doing? Trying to work out a diversion program (likely, if he's cooperative)? Nope. Trying to work out a plea bargain for probation and drug treatment (also likely)? Nope, not that either. He's trying to find a lawyer to sue the police department because he doesn't think they had the "legal right" to search his car.
    :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

    This from the kid with the stickiest fingers in the world, who thumbs his nose at all family rules and most local statues, and could care less about the impact of his actions and bad decisions on others. Yet, he's comically going to try and get an iron-clad case against him thrown out because he thinks the PD didn't follow the absolute letter of the law.

    "Yeah, good luck with that" I told him. "What, you don't want me to get off if I can?" "Nope", sez me. I told him "You've already been told you have to move out in January because you won't change your lifestyle. Now, when you finally have to face direct and painful consequences for your actions, you instead choose to pursue a losing fight so you can "get off" and keep going."

    "I'm not surprised that you refuse to see how serious this is. I'm not even surprised that you're trying to find some way to escape. What I am surprised at is that you really think I'd support you. You're trying to escape the consequences of your actions by attacking the cops for allegedly not following the same laws <u>you routinely ignore</u>. Sorry, you don't get it both ways. If you want to try and change your life, I'll do whatever I can to help you through diversion, probation, or whatever else the court orders. But if you try this stupid, losing fight, then you're only reiterating that you have no intention to change your ways, so you can continue to look for a place to live in January (assuming the county hasn't already given you room and board for 90-180 days)".

    I know that sounds flip, but in many ways I'm relieved. McWeedy had already completely neutered everything we'd tried to do for him, rebuffed every outstretched hand we offered, and ignored every rule/consequence we tried to enforce for his own good. All that we had left was to give him the opportunity to live his stoner life on his own. Now, he's tangled with something that does have the ability to force him into treatment and a different lifestyle (if only for a few years).

    He can own up to his actions, and try to take advantage of what's being offered to make his life better. Or not. But either way, it won't be my problem. He's 18, and can do as he sees fit. And barring some miraculous conversion on the order of Saul becoming Paul, I have a depressing idea of how this will end for him. The sad thing he doesn't realize is that his life will be the same for the next few years whether he gets diversion or probation (with or without some jail time thrown in). The only difference is whether or not he gets a shiny new criminal record to take with him on his new life experience.

    Also, when I picked up the info packet for Diversion I had to speak with the prosecutor who will handle his case, and he strikes me as a complete hard-butt who won't let McWeedy manipulate the situation. He even told me that it might do him some good to spend a few weeks in jail (not Juvie, since he's over 18) to get some "perspective" on how good (or "not so bad" ) his life really is.

    I don't know if that would be good or not, but since he's 18, it's McWeedy's call, not mine. The city prosecutor can recommend against diversion if he doesn't think the accused really wants to change. Since McWeedy's greatest ambition is to smoke more pot in one year than Tommy Chong consumed in his entire career, I can only guess how that will go. We'll see. wife thinks that this is yet another "clue" from the Man Above for McWeedy. However, when you look up "clueless" in the dictionary, you'll see my son's smiling face. So I'm not very confident.

    But I have more hope now than I did before. I don't know if jail, probation, diversion, or whatever the courts do to him will be "good", but I'm hoping that it's better than what I was left with: kicking him out of the house.

    We'll see.


    PS: I don't mean to make anyone upset, nor am I trying to start another 60-post dialog. I'm simply putting out the latest issue of the "McWeedy Weekly Action Report" for anyone still interested in what's going on. What happens, happens, and I'll put up an update when something changes.

  2. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat


    I am glad you posted.

    I am glad he got caught.

    Hopefully, this will bring his bottom up to meet him.

    He is in my prayers every day.
  3. MrsMcNear46

    MrsMcNear46 New Member

    Seems facing the consequences is the only way some of our kids learn. I would stay completely out of it- You're an adult-your issue.

    With my oldest, this was the only way she learned. She called the shots, she paid the piper. Luckily for us, it only took a couple of minor incedents to convience her that yes, there are consequences.

    Sueing the cops....thats a childs mind thinking.

    Stay tough.

    Mrs. McNear
  4. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Hi Mikey! Thanks for the update. I was wondering how it was going with you.

    I think they've got him dead to rights! The best thing he could be doing right now is groveling and apologizing, even if he doesn't mean it! I'm not completely sure about the legal technicalities but we have a certified drug dog at the prison where I work. And being certified, means that his "word" will stand up in court. If he alerts on something, that is their "reasonable cause" to do a search. Maybe this is what it will take to get him to finally realize that his choice of lifestyle is the equivalent to shooting himself in the foot ... repeatedly.

    Ummm ... did McWeedy mention how he was planning to PAY for this lawyer to "get him off"? Or was he just assuming that YOU would be doing that? :wink:
  5. Mikey

    Mikey Psycho Gorilla Dad

    Nope, Sir WeedWhacker was notified that we would NOT be paying for any attorney of any kind...

    ...and wife was the one who said it! :warrior:

    He's guilty as, well, ..insert favorite reference here... We won't pay for an attorney to fight charges he's obviously guilty of (unless I thought he was being treated unfairly, which isn't the case).

    He can apply for diversion without a lawyer, and probably get it. Or, if he's not offered diversion, he can plead guilty and go into a "standard" first-offender probation sentence for drug users (also no attorney required, although they'll probably force a public defender on him at that point just to cover their judical rear ends).

    But that's not his plan. His "friends" have "found" some "information" via Google that "might" give him a "chance" to "contest the validity of the search". Ahem.... Can I call "shenannigans"? Those fools aren't the ones with charges (although several have faced charges). They won't suffer if McWeedy fights the fool's war they're encouraging - and loses.

    But, until today, he was going to try just such a fight. He was going to print all that valuable information from the various Marjiuana-User's Freedom Front websites, and find a lawyer who would take his case on spec for a share of the judgement (or settlement, since the PD was so obviously in the wrong that they wouldn't dare let it go to trial, right?).

    That was funny. I almost encouraged him to give it a shot, just to see the reaction he would get when the lawyers heard that (a) the car was illegally parked on private property, (b) the property owner reported suspicious activity about the car's owner to the police, (c) the SRO's responded, did a visual non-invasive search of the car and "saw" possible evidence of pot (seeds, stems, etc) and "suspicious" cans in the back seat, (d) a drug dog was called, who alerted on the car, and (e) having both a complaint from a property owner and probable cause from the dog, they searched the car and found what they found.

    Yep, any drunk, disbarred attorney with a law degree from the Galapagos Islands should be able to get that thrown out of court, right? And get lots of money from the evil, vile police for breaking the law and violating his rights using obviously illegal tactics to persecute a poor, innocent teenager...
    :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

    Oh well, he'll learn. I love him very much, but now I've learned to love him enough to let him make these mistakes. It's my/our fault that he's been sheltered for so long and avoided consequences. Better he learn now than years from now when he won't have that cute teenage face and youth working in his favor to give the prosecutors a reason to believe he deserves a shot at diversion.

    In the last few months, I've learned that the scars I value most are the ones I earned young. Those are the ones I've had the most time to learn from.

    It's time McWeedy earned a few of his own.

  6. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    It probably is best that this happened now...but regardless of
    the brave talk from you (and evidently wife too) I am sending support for your aching heart. No matter how necessary it is to
    draw a line in the sand. No matter that any consequence is better than visiting your child in the ER or the mortuary. No
    matter. Once the lights are off for the night, your parents
    heart feels sore. Yep, even when you know you have done your
    best. Even when you have studied Detachment 101.

    My husband and I love and trust each other. We have shared thirty
    years of childraising, running a small business and facing the
    challenges that adults face. When it comes to our easy child/difficult child we
    rarely can share the ache. Sometimes we hug. Sometimes we pat.
    The pain is probably close to identical but it is individual. I
    am saying a few prayers for you and your wife and your easy child girl.
    I have said and will again say a few prayers for your difficult child but's time to pray that his survivors find comfort. DDD
  8. Mikey

    Mikey Psycho Gorilla Dad

    Me too, BBK. And thank you for your prayers - that means a lot to us right now.

    As far as "hitting bottom" goes, wife keeps saying that DMUS ("da Man UpStairs") keeps giving McWeedy hint after hint that he needs to change, and that this is simply the latest (and most drastic) hint so far. To that, I reply with a cajun joke:

    An old cajun widower had been living in the same house for 40 years when the sherriff came and told him to evacuate. "There's a hurricane coming, and we expect a flood - you need to leave now, while you can".

    "Sorry, Deputy, but I'm not leaving - God will take care of me".

    The hurricane hits, and water now surrounds the old cajun's house. The deputy comes back in a big 4x4, and asks the man again to evacuate. "No thank you, Deputy", he responds from his porch. "God has watched over this house for 40 years, and I'll trust him to watch over me now.". Shaking his head, the deputy leaves.

    Now the hurricane is blowing pretty good, and the waters have risen to the point where the old cajun has been chased up to the second floor of his house. The Deputy comes back again, this time in a boat, begging the man to evacuate. Again, the old cajun sends him away with the affirmation that God will protect him.

    Finally, the waters have chased him to the top of the chimney stack on his roof, and the old man is holding on for dear life in hurricane winds. Beyond belief, the Deputy comes back in a rescue helicopter for one last try. "No, Deputy, I have faith in God, and if he won't save me, then it must be my time". Just after that, he was blown into the water and drowned.

    When the old cajun arrived at the Pearly Gates, he angrily asked St. Peter what was the fastest way to God's throne. He wanted to have a "word or two" with God for failing him and allowing him to die when he was so faithful.

    St. Peter, sadly, just shook his head. "Faith?" said the saint. "Yes, you were a faithful son and follower, and as a reward the Master sent someone with a car, a truck, a boat, and a helicopter to try and save your life, but you turned them away."

    "Now, Mr, Goudeaux, what exactly did you want to discuss with God?"

    Funniness aside, just how many clues and chances does one have to tie to bricks and throw at your head before you start to see them as clues? So far, McWeedy just thinks he's either the luckiest, smartest, or trickiest person that ever lived.

    But I've met the prosecutor, and he's seen hundreds of McWeedys. Methinks that trickiness and cleverness will get Sir Pots-a-Lot nowhere with this fellow.

    And I thank God for that.

  9. Mikey

    Mikey Psycho Gorilla Dad

    DDD, thank you. I know you've had your own trials and trevails, and I understand that what you're saying comes not just from experience, but from your heart.

    I really, truly, appreciate that.

    More I cannot say, other than Thank You.

  10. PonyGirl

    PonyGirl Warrior Parent

    The only saving grace for McW is he wasn't parked on school grounds. That would be an additional count he'd have to try to sue the PD for.... :hammer:

    My difficult child was also expelled from his HS for a drug-related offense. He was selling pot. On school grounds. To a 6th grader. (That's a 12-yr old, peeps!) Bing. Bang. Boom. 3 Felonies and he's a 17-yr old kid. So he's magically treated as an adult.

    So I know where you're coming from. It was a relief to me, too, that finally someone else could deal with doling out consequences.

    A word of caution - :sword:

    It took <span style='font-family: Arial Black'>2 years </span>for this case to come to court.
    And I didn't have very much fun at all over that whole 2 years of waitin, either. And difficult child had about 3 more felony charges pending against him by that time.

    So, just so you know. That was my experience. The wheels of justice did not grind quickly. Hopefully that won't be your experience.

  11. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    Wow......sounds like you gave him plenty of rope. I wish it hadn't come to this, but on the other hand, better now than later probably. This could be saving his life, Mikey, ya know it? It's sad about school and someday he'll wonder what it was that he was thinking. GEDs are better than nothing. I know you are sad, hurt, dismayed, and could cry a bucket of tears even though you're a man. I'm sorry for you and wife's pain. (This entire story is the story of my difficult child's bio father and one of the reasons we adopted difficult child.) I'll pray for you to have peace in the days to come.
  12. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    All of this sounds all too familiar. Pony Girl - what happened to your difficult child? Mikey - this sounds like my difficult child all over agaiin. Mine is in jail now for contributing to the deliquency of a minor. Mine is 24 the minor was 15. I dont know how this is going to play out. This is not his first offense. God is trying to tell him something too. We will all hang in here together. :rolleyes:
  13. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    It really is sad when the best you can say to someone is that you're glad their child was arrested. I am sorry you and wife have to go through this but I'm glad that there may be a chance to get him some help now.

    Does your town and specifically his school have a no drug zone around the school? If so, there may be a few more charges than expected on McW and those could carry some really hefty penalties.

    Can you and wife really live with not hiring an attorney for him? Not to get him off but to get him the best possible outcome, i.e., drug rehab. Can you live with the possibility of him in jail for a year or two, which is possible if there is a no drug zone? I understand that he is making bad choices and I definitely understand your anger and frustration, but please make sure you two can live with whatever the outcome is.

    A suggestion -- you might want to call the ACLU (privately) and make sure McW doesn't have a leg to stand on on illegal search and seizure aspect. The courts can be sadly strange on that one. If they express an interest in the case, then start worrying. Sorry.

    I hope there is a semi-good outcome to all of this.
  14. Ephchap

    Ephchap Active Member


    I'm so very sorry it came to this - not so much for your son since his own choices got him in this boat, but for you and your wife and other children. When our children are hurting, we hurt, so I know how you and your wife are hurting. As angry and scared as we get, they are our children, and our hearts are heavy.

    When he was arrested, did they not lock him up right then and there? Did you and/or wife post bail?

    I know this didn't come as much of a surprise to you, though it still breaks your heart, I know. You had definitely come to terms with the road your son was traveling, but how about your wife? How's she coping?

    If only there was a magic button we could push to make our kids understand that they are not invinsible. They just don't get it. Eventually their bad choices catch up with them.

    Keep us posted. We're here for you. Unfortunately many of us have been down this road, and have survived.

    If only he'd agree to rehab now. It would go a long way in showing the judge that he wants to turn things around. I know, I'm dreaming. From what you said, it sounds very unlikely. Wouldn't you like to shake him till his teeth fall out? lol. That's what I wanted to do to my son. They just think they know everything. Ughhh.

    Hang in there.

  15. mom_in_training

    mom_in_training New Member

    Wow Mikey, I too along with the others am glad that you posted. I'm especially glad that he got caught in the hopes that this could very well be the wake up call that he needs. As always you and your family are in my prayers. I look at it as lessons in life when one has no choice but to comply with given consequences for their bad behavior, Lets just hope that he willingly latches onto any help offered up and sticks to it.
  16. Mikey

    Mikey Psycho Gorilla Dad

    I've looked into it a bit more, and the court won't allow him to go into legal proceedings unrepresented, so at worst he'd get a public defender. However, it doesn't have to come to that. He can apply for diversion, and has a pretty good chance at getting it. Barring that, he can plead guilty and go into the drug-rehab probation scenario. That's a real common outcome, and a PD is as good as ole Johnny Cochran for first-offender druggies.

    Also, I spoke to the prosecutor at length yesterday. Even though I can't do anything for him that he doesn't want done (McW being 18 and all), he said that unless my son comes in to court as a complete butthead, the worst he would get was 180 days in the county pokey, followed by the standard first-offense drug user probation. But it will only come to that if McW kills the last few functioning neurons in his vacuous skull and decides to fight the charges.

    wife and I feel that if he wants to fight, he can do it on his own. If he doesn't fight the charges, at worst an attorney is merely a formality (assuming no diversion).

    So, yes, we can live with it.

    And for the first time in his life, so can McWeedy. :devil:

    This is his hole; he dug it, we warned him, he jumped into it, and there's still a rope he can use to pull himself out. If he sits and pouts and demands that someone rescue him instead of using what's available to rescue himself, then he can sit there forever. Rescuing him won't help him, and will only enable further deterioration of his life.

    He's been told that he has two choices: either own up to the crimes and work with the court, or fight the charges even though he's guilty as sin. If he fights, he does it on his own, and win or lose he's out of our house. If he owns up to his actions, accepts both responsibility and consequences, then wife and I will help him as much as we can.

    I forgot to add that part of both diversion and probation is substance abuse assessment, along with treatment, random testing (color code?), abstinence from ALL substances (including alcohol), and staying away from all situations where any illegal activities are occurring. Rehab, in-patient, intensive out-patient, and mandatory AA/NA meetings are also common requirements.

    That was the funny part - the prosecutor said the only main difference between diversion and probation was the lack of a criminal record with diversion; otherwise, life is pretty much the same. The only way a majorly different outcome could occur is if he fights and loses, in which case he could end up with a two year sentence; one year (with good behavior), followed by - yep, you guessed it, a year of probation and the same life he would have if he started out with diversion or probation.

    You'd think that a logical person would see that, but logic and McWeedy are about as related as Justice Scalia and Hilary Clinton.

    But we can see it, and we've let him know what we think is in his best interest, and what decisions we're willing to support vs. what he'll have to pursue on his own. It's up to him now, and it's anybody's guess what'll happen.


    Hope that answers your question.

  17. Mikey

    Mikey Psycho Gorilla Dad

    No, although I wish they had done that. The "shock and awe" of being cuffed, driven downtown, fingerprinted and photographed, and then sitting in a holding cell with Bubba, the drunks, and the perverts for who-knows-how-long before bail might have done him some good.

    But since it was the SRO who arrested him, he "gave him a break" and simply wrote the citations, gave him a court date, and released him on the spot on his own recognizance. Yet another chance for the WeedWhacker to learn a hard lesson wasted by good-hearted - and gullible - people.

    Don't give up on that happening just yet. The adrenaline and testosterone rush can only last so long, and I see him already starting to come down to earth. I'm expecting the "deer in the headlights" phase any day now, followed by the "Daddy what do I do now?" phase.

    That's just the opening I'm praying for.

  18. PonyGirl

    PonyGirl Warrior Parent

    (Replying to stands' question): Just read the profile at the bottom of my posts :laugh: My son did eventually get sentenced, and due to the fact that he had continued his wily ways & more charges kept piling up, he did 18 months at county jail.

    He got sober.

    He got a full-time job.

    He got a Life! far... ;)I'm never really ready to let go of his difficult child status....

  19. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    Prayers to you, wife and your entire family for strength to endure what follows.
  20. Merris

    Merris New Member

    Though I haven't been around for awhile (I've been caught up in my own world), I'm sorry that this happened, but then I'm not sorry that this happened. The thing I am glad to see is that he is going to HAVE to face the consequences and it's not going to cause a conflict between you and wife. YOU didn't do this. YOU aren't the catalyst, you are a spectator.

    I think his response to fighting them is fear and he'll come out of it. I agree he's getting ready for the "Daddy, what do I do?" and there's your open window.

    Check on the web. In CT there's a law about having drugs within 1500 feet of a school. That's a BIG deal around here. Could be an issue but if the prosecutor hasn't said anything, then I guess it's not.

    Sending support for you and wife. Hopefully this will be the first step in McWeedy's life lessons.