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The nice lady Stephanie wants me to participate in family meetings....
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 629596" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>I was thinking about you this morning ECHO, as I pondered my own rather new feelings for my daughter. I have been "cold" to her as well. For me, when I look back on that, the chill was a result of my not liking her very much, of my being angry and resentful about her choices and the impact those choices had on me, of my weariness in the face of yet another drama...........it was as if the love I always have receded behind the reality of the situation I was in and my coping mechanism was to shut down my loving self and since I really don't know how to do that successfully, I would respond in the opposite fashion, I would be shut down and cold.</p><p></p><p>As that chill has melted recently due to some 'apparent' changes that my daughter is making, I am more in touch with my loving and warm feelings towards her. I think resentment has a lot to do with it too. There is an exercise I learned years ago where you state your resentments to the other, without them having a chance to defend, justify or in any way respond.......you just continue stating your resentments. Once those are expressed, remarkably, all of this appreciation and love shows up..................I would be once again in touch with those positive feelings which had been buried under unexpressed resentments. </p><p></p><p>I think the response of 'cold' is likely a very normal and natural response to the devastation that our kids create in our lives. As much as I want to approach all of life with a loving and accepting attitude, I am merely a human being, doing the best I can under extraordinary conditions, as you are, as we all are, and I believe, all of us, are ALWAYS doing the very best we can with the knowledge we have.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there ECHO, I'm still praying for you.........and your boy........</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 629596, member: 13542"] I was thinking about you this morning ECHO, as I pondered my own rather new feelings for my daughter. I have been "cold" to her as well. For me, when I look back on that, the chill was a result of my not liking her very much, of my being angry and resentful about her choices and the impact those choices had on me, of my weariness in the face of yet another drama...........it was as if the love I always have receded behind the reality of the situation I was in and my coping mechanism was to shut down my loving self and since I really don't know how to do that successfully, I would respond in the opposite fashion, I would be shut down and cold. As that chill has melted recently due to some 'apparent' changes that my daughter is making, I am more in touch with my loving and warm feelings towards her. I think resentment has a lot to do with it too. There is an exercise I learned years ago where you state your resentments to the other, without them having a chance to defend, justify or in any way respond.......you just continue stating your resentments. Once those are expressed, remarkably, all of this appreciation and love shows up..................I would be once again in touch with those positive feelings which had been buried under unexpressed resentments. I think the response of 'cold' is likely a very normal and natural response to the devastation that our kids create in our lives. As much as I want to approach all of life with a loving and accepting attitude, I am merely a human being, doing the best I can under extraordinary conditions, as you are, as we all are, and I believe, all of us, are ALWAYS doing the very best we can with the knowledge we have. Hang in there ECHO, I'm still praying for you.........and your boy........ [/QUOTE]
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The nice lady Stephanie wants me to participate in family meetings....
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