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The nice lady Stephanie wants me to participate in family meetings....
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 630181" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>I think this is very healthy behavior on your part---going about your life even when there are so many ???? about difficult child. You changed, he started doing something different, and then you went about your life. That is what we have to do---when they start to change or make noises that are change-like, we have to keep on focusing on us, so that space for them is created. You did that, Echo. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes, I think again, here you are at another crossroads, and you have some decisions to make. What to do? What not to do? I think you do the soul searching and you proceed cautiously. I hear the caution in your words. </p><p></p><p>Echo, read the Beverly Conyers book I mentioned on a couple of other threads. She talks about how to help our difficult children. It is helpful. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Even if nothing else happens from this, you had this time with your son and it was good times. Living in the moment, and the moment was good. That is a gift and a blessing. I am glad you asked him up to the lake house because it was good for YOU. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is great. If he is to change, it's very likely not going to be through us. It's going to be via other people coming alongside them to help them. I so hope he keeps going. He will hear all kinds of good stuff there, and no matter what he does next, he will not forget much of what he hears there. This is very good, no matter what. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Great! You never know, but there are good plans. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Absolutely. Our difficult children need encouragement. They need to have a chance to change. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Ecbo, a few thoughts here. difficult child lived in a halfway house for several weeks. I paid for a couple of weeks and his dad paid for a couple of weeks to give him some time to get a job, get established, etc. The experience was not good---he stole from people in the halfway house and got kicked out---obviously he was not serious at all then about change, but that is something you could consider.</p><p></p><p>You could also pay for the first week, and then do a sliding scale so he immediately has some skin in the game. Just some thoughts. </p><p></p><p>I do think giving them a hand when they are making true progress (not bs, but TRUE Progress, even if it's just a few things at first) is a good thing. </p><p></p><p>Echo, you are doing good. Just go slow, like I know you are doing. I am sure you are hopeful and these are good signs. I just don't want you to be crushed if he falls back again. Every time he takes a step forward, it is good. Stepping back (if he does, and I hope he doesn't so badly, of course) does not mean the progress is negated. </p><p></p><p>So, hang in there. Take it one day at a time. That is all we have. That is all your difficult child and my difficult child has. </p><p></p><p>Just see what happens. Try not to do something for him he can do for himself. That is a good litmus test to keep in your mind---top of mind. </p><p></p><p>Doing for himself will build his self esteem. That is what he needs right now, to know he CAN do it. And he can. </p><p></p><p>Fierce prayers going up and out tonight for you and difficult child. I so hope his progress continues, and even if he takes a step back, just wait, and see, Echo. Don't hang everything on each little thing he does. Give yourself and him, a little time and space.</p><p></p><p>Keep us posted! Progress not perfection, that is all we can hope for.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 630181, member: 17542"] I think this is very healthy behavior on your part---going about your life even when there are so many ???? about difficult child. You changed, he started doing something different, and then you went about your life. That is what we have to do---when they start to change or make noises that are change-like, we have to keep on focusing on us, so that space for them is created. You did that, Echo. Yes, I think again, here you are at another crossroads, and you have some decisions to make. What to do? What not to do? I think you do the soul searching and you proceed cautiously. I hear the caution in your words. Echo, read the Beverly Conyers book I mentioned on a couple of other threads. She talks about how to help our difficult children. It is helpful. Even if nothing else happens from this, you had this time with your son and it was good times. Living in the moment, and the moment was good. That is a gift and a blessing. I am glad you asked him up to the lake house because it was good for YOU. This is great. If he is to change, it's very likely not going to be through us. It's going to be via other people coming alongside them to help them. I so hope he keeps going. He will hear all kinds of good stuff there, and no matter what he does next, he will not forget much of what he hears there. This is very good, no matter what. Great! You never know, but there are good plans. Absolutely. Our difficult children need encouragement. They need to have a chance to change. Ecbo, a few thoughts here. difficult child lived in a halfway house for several weeks. I paid for a couple of weeks and his dad paid for a couple of weeks to give him some time to get a job, get established, etc. The experience was not good---he stole from people in the halfway house and got kicked out---obviously he was not serious at all then about change, but that is something you could consider. You could also pay for the first week, and then do a sliding scale so he immediately has some skin in the game. Just some thoughts. I do think giving them a hand when they are making true progress (not bs, but TRUE Progress, even if it's just a few things at first) is a good thing. Echo, you are doing good. Just go slow, like I know you are doing. I am sure you are hopeful and these are good signs. I just don't want you to be crushed if he falls back again. Every time he takes a step forward, it is good. Stepping back (if he does, and I hope he doesn't so badly, of course) does not mean the progress is negated. So, hang in there. Take it one day at a time. That is all we have. That is all your difficult child and my difficult child has. Just see what happens. Try not to do something for him he can do for himself. That is a good litmus test to keep in your mind---top of mind. Doing for himself will build his self esteem. That is what he needs right now, to know he CAN do it. And he can. Fierce prayers going up and out tonight for you and difficult child. I so hope his progress continues, and even if he takes a step back, just wait, and see, Echo. Don't hang everything on each little thing he does. Give yourself and him, a little time and space. Keep us posted! Progress not perfection, that is all we can hope for. [/QUOTE]
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The nice lady Stephanie wants me to participate in family meetings....
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