difficult child (11 yr old boy with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) and other dxs) is home from Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Although easy child and I love difficult child and missed him horribly, we were able to live a NORMAL LOVING life while difficult child was gone. Something we have never had before. difficult child has been home 2 months and easy child and I are back to living in battered wife mode. When I was told he was being released I fought against it, reminding them that it takes difficult child 3-4 times longer to learn something and have it stick, than a normal difficult child. But they said he went up their behavior ladder, and has gradutated. Well, difficult child wasn't even able to be stable for the 4 hour drive home. Within an hour he cascaded into meltdowns, and easy child and I automaticaly went into survival mode. Upon hearing of difficult child's release I immediately called his insurance company and demanded 24-7 support for the transition. Telling them that we could do that, or they could pay another year or more of Residential Treatment Center (RTC) when he crashed again. The insurance company agreed with me. can you believe itTHEY AGREED WITH ME!!!!!!! They even went to the providers with me, and told them that ALL 24-7 support would be fully funded. OMG, I just broke down and cried because FINALLY we were getting help so difficult child could be home. Well, read my thread title and you'll see what empty promises create. Although the provider company said yes, they can and will provide what the fully funded discharge plan stated in reality it has been one regretable oversightafter another. No consistency, etc. So now easy child and I are living once again with a violent unstable person who demands to be in control, or else. difficult child was my first born. I have never ever loved anything so much, as that child. When I became pregnant with easy child, I feared that I would never love him because I could not see how there could be any available room in my heart. G-d I want to feel a shred of that again, full time! I am now back to being numb, sad, depressed, constantly holding back tears, exhausted, and living with no hope, and feeling trapped. And knowing that the domestic violence safety plan will not help us in this situation. And I have had the providers tell me that it isn't DV because difficult child is a child. WHAT? What punch of **** telling me it isn't abuse. If they've never lived through DV, how the h-l would they know. And making all of this something in my head, and that I have failed to learn good parenting from their modeling, and so this is my fault is totally wrong. I mourn the blessings others have of a normal loving family existence. I saw what easy child and I truly are when not living with an unstable abusive difficult child, who doesn't understand the world and is forced to live in it. We know difficult child was born different and that he'll never be like easy child, but why can't we have an autisic family member without all the difficult child abusive qualities? Even just a small amount of compliance helps the house run smoother, which then could help the healing process. BUT NO it's always defiance and oppositional automaticaly. It's always his way.or BOOM. DRAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm soooo tired of the drama. And frankly easy child is on his way to an anxiety disorder because of it. Just makes me cry for him. I mourn for easy child and I that we will not be the family we were when difficult child was not here. It does not mean we do not love difficult child, but for the first time easy child and I could go to the library and sit reading for hours, go to movies, grocery shopping, go Easter egg hunting with the rest of the town, go to parades and other Town events, quietly sit outside and bird watched, make cookies, have play dates for easy child at the house, sit and watch tv without difficult child fighting to get next to me and push easy child away, go through our life without difficult child bulling and hurting easy child because he's still mad and jealous that he was born, etc I could go on and on. And you know what also harms us (families with a difficult child), are all these articles coming out now about if you're not happy being a parent, or if you just don&'t see how fun and fulfilling being a parent is, then something is wrong with you. OMG, these authors have no clue! How totally hateful and blind they are. Obviously they have never seen a difficult child, let alone live with one. These articles twist the minds of society, and not only are parents affected but so are easy child's. Our country is already a collective of isolated islands, living side by side. Do we really need something else to taint us further and make us more isolated? We are no longer a community who knows each other and helps each other. Our houses no longer have the front porch and yard, inviting us outside to visit with each other and watch our children play together. Our entire society has created a wedge not only between people, but also family. Those of us who have difficult child's know full well that not only is society shunning us, but so are our families. And now we can't even rely on FULLY PAID providers to be there for us. No wonder I (we) feel so alone, misunderstood and now labled as evil people who should be ashamed because raising our difficult child isn't a JOY with unlimited blessings and fulfillment. I don't know what I''m trying to say, but I have no one to rely on. No one to watch my back. I get no validation of my feelings from the providers, only psycho babble and dbt ****. I don't know about you, but this stuff doesn't help anything if they totally refuse to listen to you and validate your feelings. And when they say it's not DV, then that's when I stop engaging with them and just go internal. There is no point of me always trying to get them to see it from my point, so I give up, shut up, and go within..GOOD JOB PROVIDERS!!!!!!!!!!! Do you know that yesterday when the providers were leaving and difficult child was NOT stable and I was totally panicking inside I asked what do to if things get worse. Their response, call 911. I know full well they have a crisis team, and fully expected them to give me that phone number, but their answer was always call 911. I had to repeat myself and press them for what is the crisis protocol before I got the phone number.unbelievable!!! I guess I came back today because it seems that ONLY all of you really understand. I only wish we could really be there in each other's lives to help, because if you are like me and easy child, then you too are truly alone in all of this.