The perfect book?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by ShakespeareMamaX, Oct 25, 2007.

  1. ShakespeareMamaX

    ShakespeareMamaX New Member

    I was just finally checking out The Explosive Child. I question, though, if it's right for difficult child's situation.

    I need a book that maybe addresses:

    Extreme hyperactiveness
    Extreme defiance
    Secretly sadistic to animals
    No focus
    "Baby" behavior
    Impulse control
    Running away
    Wreckless ("invincible") behavior
    At times, agression towards adults (rarely kids), but not on a frequent basis

    Having read the waffle incident, it seems to target more constant agressive behavior.

    My son is more, as he labled himself, "the school clown", but to the point of school being nothing but a work-free circus.

    Is this book worth buying for these reasons?

    Is there a better book I could buy?

  2. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    The waffle incident is an example of how a different approach can get a more acceptable outcome. A kid doesn't have to be permanently on the edge or a constant rager for this book to work. I feel the method works mainly on the child's need to feel in control in areas where this doesn't matter to others; it's a mutual respect thing and communication. It's also no easy "snap your fingers and it's fixed" answer. But I don't think anything is.

    It's a starting point. You take what is working and leave what doesn't; the book's methods apply to a wide range of problems, including to kids who are no problem at all.

    Will it fix everything you mention? I don't know, because that really depends on what is going on in your child's head, to cause these behaviours. Some of the things you mention ("no focus", 'baby' behaviour, impulse control, reckless behaviour, depression) it probably won't touch because they could be something he can't control. To discipline what can't be controlled is like punishing a child for having freckles. It also teachers the child that he deserves to be punished simply for who he is.

    I'd like to think the book can help a lot in the other areas, but again it depends on why he is doing this.

    Something I found with the book - you can't thumb through and find a list of things to do, you have to read the thing through and this can be tedious. husband couldn't do it, although he tried. In the end I summarised the book for him, which actually helped me get the information straight in my own mind.

    You also need to have everybody on the same page - everyone in the family and teachers. Those who are NOT using this method when someone else is, will find themselves the focus of a lot of hostility from the child.

    I did buy a copy of the book for myself, but only after I'd borrowed it from the local library. By borrowing it first, I saved myself the expense in the event it simply wasn't going to be any use to me.

    Not everyone on this site has found the book helpful. A lot of us have, though.

    There are other books I believe, but the same thing applies - you really have to dig into each one deeply, to see how it's supposed to work and to then try it meticulously.

    What amazed me about "Explosive Child" - while I was reading it, even before I got to the chapters about what to do, I found difficult child 3's behaviour starting to improve. I think this is because the book helped me tune in to difficult child 3 fairly quickly, which made it easier for me to realise that
    1) I had to pick my battles and NOT try to discipline something I couldn't enforce;
    2) I had to give him a chance to understand things for himself, and THEN try to get what I wanted from him; and
    3) I had to get everyone working as a team, otherwise it rapidly became "good cop, bad cop."

    It's also no substitute for a thorough evaluation. The book helps but only in some areas. But by helping in some areas, it should reduce the issues that you need to deal with. it can also make clearer what the child CAN control, and what he can't.

  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Is he seeing a Psychiatrist? in my opinion he needs a re-evaluation (NeuroPsychs are well regarded on this board). They do intensive testing. If he is that violent, I'm guessing it's more than ADHD and that the right medications could help him a lot. Stimulants could make him worse. You have lots and lots of red flags for mood disorders in your family, and they are hereditary. in my opinion no book is going to be the answer. You need a different sort of medical help than he's been getting.
  4. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    Well, no book is going to be a cure all. Most just help us understand where they are coming from better. Let's face it - we all have tried everything we know to try and in most cases there are no other options. We find something that works the best for the household and the child. That is why most of us end up detaching. Because it calms the house a bit so we can get the glimpse of goodness in our child and everyone can relax a bit.
    It is difficult to understand what the best thing to do is. But, you try many things until you find something that feels right for your family.