The positives of being a difficult child parent are...

[hexemaus2]

I thought I'd start something positive that might help those of us struggling with a difficult child-filled life to find the good things, the silver linings, and the random wonders that often accompany life with difficult children (but unfortunately are often overshadowed by the bad days.)

I'll start...

...you learn to truly appreciate the good moments, no matter how small.
...you find the kind of personal strength and confidence you never knew you had.
...life is never, ever dull or uninteresting. I doubt you'll find any bored housewives in a meeting of difficult child warrior moms.
...you meet the most wonderfully caring people who truly know what it means to be supportive.
...when the kids grow up and move out, you have a whole new appreciation for empty nest-dom
...its easy to find your true friends - they pass the bandaids and help clean up the broken glass, or better yet, sit at the kitchen table with you and another phone line, making calls to find services, get referrals, or otherwise help you take care of things for difficult child, your job, the household, or other children.
...above all else, you learn that even the worst of situations are never the end of the world so long as everyone is still breathing.
...you know, even if your child doesn't, that you have done absolutely everything possible as a parent, and then some.

 

[Shari]

You have some kick-a** water cooler stories.

 

[HaoZi]

You never again take an uninterrupted bubble bath for granted.

 

[Hound dog]

Great idea for a post Hex

You never again look at some "wild child" in the store and automatically assume it's the parent's fault they're acting that way.

You develop the Mother of all Mother voice's.........that can stop not only your kids in their tracks, but other people's as well.

You become at ease with medical terminology, knowledgeable about medications and dxes and evaluations to the point where you can be mistaken for medical staff.

You develop rhino skin so tough that you can be told something shockingly horrendous and keep a straight face.

You learn to look beyond the surface of a person for the real person that is there.

You've learned how to pick locks, how to read minds and body language so well no con artist stands a chance to pull the wool over your eyes. (let alone a difficult child lol)

A moment of sanity can be 5 mins in the bathroom with the door locked and your fingers in your ears.

 

[Marguerite]

You very quickly find out who your true friends are; it cuts out a lot of dead wood and saves so many years of heartache, to have those fair weather friends winnowed out of your life. The fewer number of true friends that remain will never waste your time or let you down when you most need them. You will know better where you stand.

Marg

 

[LittleDudesMom]

Hex,

We seem to do this every year or so and I aways have more things to add to the list!

Many are the same as yours - taking the joy in the small things like unabashed laughter since that is more precious to me than a sports trophy.

Empathy, empathy, empathy. I truly believe I have always been a caring, sensitive, and overly optimistic person. But the addition of difficult child in my life truly taught me what it is like to stop, pause, look, and listen before passing judgement.

There are so many reasons my life has been enriched because of my difficult child. I cannot even fathom not having him in my life or him being any different that he is. Certainly he is high maintenance, and stress-producing, and time consuming, and frustrating, and demanding, and expensive. But he is so much more than that to me. Being his mother has made me a better person - absolutely no doubt.

Thanks Hex,
Sharon

 

[AnnieO]

Being called a saint by people who hear the milder stories. They'd never believe anything less than a martyr would put up with the crazier stuff!

When a friend's child acts up, they ask you for advice - immediately. And find out that their problem is one of your "Basket C" items.

True friends who see your difficult child act up bend over backwards to help you.

 

[hearts and roses]

You grow intellectually as well as emotionally, sometimes physically.

You become more accepting of differences in others and learn to love the differences in your own.

You understand more and question/judge less.

You develope a sixth sense of hyper-awareness.

You learn it's okay to cry and show your weaknesses.

You learn to ask for help.

You realize that you don't need a Phd to understand medical terminology...or do the necessary research to understand your child.

You no longer take others' word for it and you learn to trust your gut.

You realize that your difficult child is just like you in more ways than you ever believed before.

Your heart's capacity to love is boundless.

And sometimes, you eventually come to appreciate some of the difficult child-ness that enables your difficult child to grow into a person you can have a friendship with, the things that make them who they are and you don't mind so much what it took to get there.

 

[aeroeng]

- I discovered that the skills required to get difficult child to calm down and organize his thoughts so we can talk it through can be applied at work to resolve conflicts.

- husband learned to lessen to me better, and we both learned how to be a better team.

- Learned how to plaster a hole.

 

[hexemaus2]

And sometimes, you eventually come to appreciate some of the difficult child-ness that enables your difficult child to grow into a person you can have a friendship with, the things that make them who they are and you don't mind so much what it took to get there.

Now that my difficult children are older, I have to agree...I don't seem to mind so much what it's taken to get here. In that regard, getting a difficult child to adulthood is a lot like extended childbirth. It hurts like the dickens getting there, but once you're there, you don't remember the pain so much. lol. (at least with difficult child 2, that's the case. difficult child 1 is a whole 'nother ball o wax. lol)

 

[Shari]

Oh, and its taught me that I don't want any more children....

 

[hexemaus2]

Oh, and its taught me that I don't want any more children....

That works for difficult children too! I tell people that traditional methods of avoiding teen pregancy didn't work for difficult child 1, so I had difficult child 2 to make sure difficult child 3 didn't want to EVER have kids, much less fool around as a kid himself. lol.

 

[HaoZi]

That I'm not the only person I know in real life who knows and can pronounce the scientific name of giant squid.

 

[trinityroyal]

After dealing with difficult child and the Tot Monster Twins, going to work and dealing with a CEO or client or whoever in a major snit just rolls off my back. Doesn't even make me blink.
I've become better at my job because the same techniques that let me manage my work are effective in managing difficult child and Monster-Tot behaviour. Make work seem simple by comparison.
Telemarketers and door-to-door salesmen and the like don't stand a chance. Whatever persuasion they try, difficult child has gone them one better and the answer is still "no".

 

[shellyd67]

Beautifully said HEX !!! You never stare at a child having a tantrum and say "what a brat !" You say a little prayer instead ....