The prodigal son has returned(for a visit)

[kitty9259]

After not seeing Billy for two months he showed up at my door.
He came in, acted as if nothing was wrong, dug in the refrigerator, and said he was sorry for all that he has put me through, and that he will make good on the loan payments so I'm not responsible.....he forgets that I have known him his whole life and I know when he is just telling me what I want to hear,he can be so charming when he wants to be. I accepted his apology, hugged him as hard and as long as I could, I am suspious of his motives but didn't want to scare him off....I wanted to keep the conversation light so he did not feel preasure, so he will come back again we can begin to really communicate. He said " I don't feel we can live together under the same roof, but I want a relationship with you. What do you think??????

 

[KFld]

I would definatley not allow him to come back to live, but starting a new relationship could work. Just don't allow yourself to be walked on or manipulated. Once you see that happening, have the strength to detatch yourself from it. I would tell him you love him, you will support him as long as he's making good choices and if you find he's not, walk away.

You said yourself, you have known him all his life, so I'm sure you know you could not live with him again. I wouldn't back down with that one. He is 20. No reason for him to live with you.

 

[WhymeMom?]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: kitty9259</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> He said " I don't feel we can live together under the same roof, but I want a relationship with you. What do you think?????? </div></div>

I think if you have anything valuable in your home that you don't want him to steal it would be better if you met him in public places. The tip off to feeling he has a right to anything in your home was the refrigerator "raid". I know you want to communicate with your son and have a meaningful relationship with him, but he may not be capable of that. Keeping the conversation light was good, he knows at least you are willing to talk, but as you say, he told you what you wanted to hear.....

Baby steps.....sounds to me like he's testing the water....let him find another place to live....

 

[rejectedmom]

Yep, I was a bit off put by the refrdgerator raid also. I seems to me that our difficult child still doesn't nderstand boundries. -RM

 

[goldenguru]

I don't think the fridge thing would bother me ... my daughter comes home and helps herself to diet soda ... chips ... whatever. I mean she did live here for 19 years.

I don't know your whole story ... don't know your sons past behavioral issues.

The good news is that he didn't ask to come home, borrow money, or ask you to co-sign a loan. He did express an interest in a relationship. On the exterior it all looks good.

See what happens. I used to remind my daughter that trust was not a right ... that it had to be earned.

See if your son is ready to earn yours.

 

[AllStressedOut]

I ask for a drink at my moms, but at my house, my mom, her husband, my brother, they all raid the fridge without asking.

I think it's just how comfortable you are in their home. My house is the house for all family events, so everyone feels comfortable enough to eat anything that isn't nailed down or breathing.

 

[busywend]

Just take it slow and keep your eyes and ears open.

Good luck to you! I hope there is some relationship to salvage!

 

[Suz]

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body">" I don't feel we can live together under the same roof, but I want a relationship with you. What do you think?????? </div></div>

I think it's an excellent solution.

It works for Rob and me. I hope it will work for you two, too.

And, if you haven't done this already, I would be sure to change the locks on the house since you are no longer living together. :princess:

Suz