The psychiatrist reccommended...

[mavh2005]

a change in custody!! Its been rough with difficult child. I hate September. She always goes down hill and quick at the end of August/beginning of September. So, at her last appointment, I said I've had it, I can't deal with this anymore, something/someone has to give. I can't live with her defiance/threats anymore. So.. he said its probably all the jumping around she does and the parents aren't on the same page. HELLO!!! I've been saying that for years! I mean years. Since she was 6, I knew this custody they have wasn't gonna work anymore. So, here we go AGAIN.

BM wants only for her to have full custody. Not an option. husband wants 50/50, but with something more settled for difficult child. As it stands, husband has difficult child every Mon night thru Wednesday morning and every other weekend. BM has her every Wednesday night thru Friday morning and the opposite weekend we have her. Very confusing. BM says she can't be away from difficult child for more than 5 days because she misses her so much...

therapist is at a loss. We're at a loss. husband obviously doesn't want difficult child to live full time with her BM, but, for the sake of difficult child, it might come to that... therapist told BM and husband psychiatrist wants a new plan before we go back to him on Oct 12. Lovely. If the courts and mediation didn't work before, what makes the psychiatrist think this will?

Frustrated..

 

[PatriotsGirl]

Oh my. That does seem like a lot of jumping between houses. I don't think I could ever cope with that, let alone a child. Do you live close to one another?

 

[mavh2005]

We live within 5 miles of each other.. Different school districts until the end of this school year.

The original court order was done when difficult child was 4.. which is excellent for little kids because they see each parent more often.. but as they get older, it was meant to change to longer stretches of time, but BM refuses. " I miss her to much" Whatever..

 

[klmno]

It is a lot of jumping around but it seems to be fairly common, at least around here, when there is joint custody. I often wondered why - and am throwing this out for you to consider as an option- the child doesn't stay with one parent thru the week and the other on weekends. Holidays could be split and if the "other" parent wanted to see the child in a ball game or come and get them to take them to a special event, this could still be done.

PS This is what they do in this area when the two parents live in neighboring jurisdictions because the other way interferes with school districts and getting the kid to school.

 

[mavh2005]

K--

We offered something similar to what you suggested. BM refuses. We offered one month difficult child is with husband thru the week and BM gets her every weekend then rotate the next month, She said nope because weekends are the only time she can do anything with her kids and its not fair to BM...

I honestly think BM has ODD... just to be difficult and make life miserable for all of us.

 

[klmno]

Well, the final word isn't up to BM, correct? I'd get something in writing from psychiatrist about his suggestion and request a custody hearing in order to do what is in the best interest of difficult child- BM can just bite it. The world can't revolve around her when she has a child, especially when that child is a difficult child.

 

[klmno]

You and husband have clearly been mmore than reasonable in trying to work things out with BM to everyone's satisfaction and my guess is this will be obvious in court and work a lot in your favor when a judge is deciding who is really trying to make good decisions.

 

[mavh2005]

K-- Been to court too many times. We can't afford a lawyer and last time (in May) husband blew his chance in front of the judge. He represented himself and froze. And I mean froze.. couldn't remember how to spell easy child's name, difficult child's date of birth. NOthing. So nothing changed. I really don't want to do the court thing, if we can avoid it. Now, of course if psychiatrist says take this to court, then I guess husband will have to. husband has considered just giving up and letting BM have difficult child, but he's so worried that difficult child will grow up to hate him and feel like he gave up on her...

 

[klmno]

If he tells psychiatrist this, psychiatrist will probably rx him something for anxiety and give him a little extra so he can try it out and become comfortable with it before court- just a thought. I have a similar problem, but a little different, and although I declined the medications and muddled thru, psychiatrist offered a rx for them- my son's psychiatrist that is.

I'm darned determined to never let anxiety prevent me from doing something I feel strongly about. LOL!

 

[TiredSoul]

Here is my .02 cents fwiw - I don't know your situation, but I say - find a way to get the best dang lawyer money can buy (borrow it, put it on credit, whatever you have to do) to ensure you and husband get full custody of difficult child, with every other weekend and alternating holidays with BM. Do it right with the courts the first time so you don't have to keep dealing with that issue. If BM is not stable with her conditions, then it is not in the best interests of difficult child to be with her. I can't imagine moving any difficult child around that much, especially one with ADHD/ODD. Transitions are very hard for them. Maybe then your little girl will become stable in her environment and you can use the next 8 years of her life helping her be the best she can be.

 

[DammitJanet]

Well, until I read the biomom's diagnosis's I had one idea though I guess i still shouldnt let that sway me...lol.

Since you do live that closely I think it should be easy to work things out well. I really like your idea of one month here and one month there with the alternating weekends. That sounds lovely to me. The other thing that seems to work out well since I do think you guys would be the best residential parents, would be the you having weekdays and bm getting weekends and one night during the week. That happens a lot these days. That is basically what we have with my granddaughter. Sometimes we only get only every other weekend but most of the time we get every weekend for at least one night. (she can voice her opinion now...lol)

 

[mavh2005]

So... difficult child came home from her BM's house yesterday. She obviously did not have her medications yesterday morning. UGH. And BM didn't show at the therapist appointment. So.. we're right back to where we were a year ago. (Just finished custody battle # 3 in May that didn't do anything) Dreading Oct 12 which is the psychiatrist appointment. We have to have a new plan for difficult child then... Not sure what he'll do when we don't have one. therapist was not happy with BM for not willing to work anything out.

difficult child has said to us and the therapist she wants to live with us.. but I'm worried that at the psychiatrist appointment she'll do a 180 change again... then nothing is accomplished and all the stress and worrying starts all over again...