The rest of the story, according to Wee.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Shari, Feb 19, 2010.

  1. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I had told him this morning, when he said he was worried about being good, that to use his tools - if he needed to take a break, say so. Take a walk, shoot some hoops, lay down, whatever.

    He asked to shoot hoops. They wouldn't let him. That has been confirmed.

    I got home from work to a hysterical crying Wee.

    Got him calmed. He said he really did try today, he said he just couldn't be good.

    Then he said "I did everything you said, mom! I tried to shoot hoops, I went for a walk, I wanted to lay down, but they wouldn't let me! (The secretary) told me to just go on back to class."


    Verified the hoops and the walk... They shot down every request he made to cope???

    As husband said, Wee isn't the one who tends to lie around here...
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2010
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I think you need to document all this- not just from this incident but any inceident where the IEP has not been followed. Then send a copy with a letter, certified mail, to the director of Special Education at the central office of the sd and make sure it is clear that you are aware that your son is legally due a FAPE and his IEP is not being followed as required by law.

    Also, what I did was call our legal referral which gets you a phone consultation with an attorney for a reduced rate (mine was $35 for 1/2 hour). Then, you can have justifiable reason to add "cc: XXXX XXXXX, Esq., Special Education Attny", at the bottome of that letter. Also, copy your state office of child advocacy and protection or whatever it's called. Send copies of that letter, with the cc's listed, to the school prinbcipal, the sd superintendent, and your school board member that represents your disctrict. They won't be able to do anything but it catches a lot of people's attention and stirs stuff up because they get afraid that you are about to sue them. That is what it took to get difficult child's sd to really turn around. And they did turn around, as soon as they saw that I meant it- every IEP meeting for a year after that I was asked if I would be bringing an attny. My answer was always "no, there's no need for me to do that as long as we can get an effective IEP and know that's it's being followed." You do NOT actually want to take attny, at least in this state, because then the sd will have one at the iep meetings and it lweaves things about 1/2 inch away from due process. But, I never told the sd that I wouldn't and much to my surprise, difficult child and I both were treated with more respect instead of animosity after that letter. Oh- we did get the Special Education director of the sd at IEP meetings any time I mentioned it might be helpful. (The sd wanted her there to make sure the principal was doing what she should in that school so the sd would not get sued.)
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2010
  3. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    When I started to make a huge fuss and threaten calling in the big guns, I got the district director turning up and I got the earnest politicians double hand-shake - you know, the one where they grip your hand with one hand then either envelop the back of your hand in their other hand, or they grip your elbow. They do it when they need to prove to you that they are sincere and warm... that told me I had hit a nerve and was on the way to getting what I wanted. Not there yet, but on the way...

  4. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Poor little guy. He just can't seem to get a break.
  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I thought I should clarify about my comment re. not taking an attny- and this pertains to my state only. It's fine and can be beneficial to take a Special Education attny as an advocate. But the attny here told me that if an attny is taken to represent you/difficult child as an attny vs an advocate, the sd automatically will have their's there and then it turns into a legal battle, almost always resulting in due process- which can cost the parent $10,000 or more.
  6. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    klmno, that's not entirely true. We always had our attorney and the SD always had its attorney at IEP meetings, and we never went to Due Process. We simply wanted an attorney there because our son got his first IEP at age 15 and we weren't taking any chances about protecting his rights. He was too old to mess around.

    In this case, it's getting too serious to mess around. There's no question I'd retain a Special Education attorney in this situation as well.
  7. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This is no different than any other post about Wee and the school.

    Listen to him - he cries because he tries so hard to be good and can't. I wouldn't be able to send him. It would break my heart. Can you home school him?

    YOU have to change something, do something.

    As our very wise Ex-Leader used to say;

    "If you always do what you always did, you always get what you always got."

    So, what are you going to change? Because the school is changing nothing - THEY get what they want. Wee goes home.
  8. ML

    ML Guest

    Fight this Shari! You have the board's power and support behind you. I feel so bad for Wee trying to do the right thing and his cries falling on deaf ears at that school. You can do this!
  9. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    As the county case manager said, this happens, we go back and have a meeting, put new things in place, and then the circle starts again.

    For starters, I think I will stand up in the meeting and read the last incident report. Then read the portion of the IEP that was, once again, ignored. Maybe I'll overview a couple others, too.

    Then, I think I will ask them to think of a time that they were raging angry. And ask them what they themselves do to deal with it. Do they sit in a chair or read a book or flip on the tv? Likely not. Most likely, they walk, or clean, or run, or exercise.

    Then I will tell them that Wee is not being educated. And they can not educate Wee if they can not keep him in the building. And this is a perfect example of why.

    And then I'll tell them to figure it out, cause sending him home isn't an option any more.
  10. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I think I'll also tell them that worrying about work refusal right now isn't their priority. As is shown in the incident report, he repeatedly goes back to attempt to work...

    And I'll remind them again that the closet is not an option, either.
  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Aw, poor guy.

    They probably see him as a kid who wants to get out of doing his schoolwork. He just wants to shoot hoops, go for walks ... they don't get it.

    The closet? Sigh.