Earlier this month, I posted yet another missing person's report with the Phoenix police, which is what I do when we don't hear from Josh and I want to indirectly ask him to contact us. Thursday night I got a call from an officer with the transit unit. He said he was calling, not because Josh was in any trouble but because apparently he didn't have bus fare (?) and so the officer had brought him back to an area of downtown Phoenix. It really didn't make sense to me, especially since I was completely dazed from being asleep. The officer had run a check and found the missing person's report I had filed, so he was calling to let me know he was with Josh. I asked if I could speak to Josh, but he said that he was not allowed to give someone his city-appointed phone. He put the phone on speaker and I told Josh that we want to help him and to please contact us. I couldn't hear any response. I should have asked the police officer to ask him to acknowledge that he had heard me but I didn't think to do that at the time. Then the police officer came back on and asked Josh if he was staying at the main shelter in Phoenix, which apparently Josh answered that he was. I asked the officer if he thought Josh was being truthful about that and he thought he was (I'm skeptical though). Anyway, I was in a complete daze and was trying to think quickly about what I should say and do. I asked the officer if Josh was aware of the missing person's report and that we are looking for him and want him to contact us. He said that Josh was aware of that. I asked him to beg Josh to contact us, and he said he would continue to encourage him to contact us. (by the way, the shelter will not confirm the presence of anyone there. I know because I've called before).
So here we are today and still no contact, and to be honest, I don't think he's going to contact us. I think he's walked away from us.
If I knew where he was, I would go there and confront him and insist that he tell us to our faces that he doesn't want anything to do with us. It would hurt, but there would be no doubt in our minds and no false hopes. The hope that maybe he will contact us keeps us emotionally tethered to him. I will always love him and will always pray for him, but I really would like to be able to accept and move on with life. I just don't know how I'm going to handle this the way it is right now--always wondering if today might be the day; being afraid to be away from my phone because he might message me and I might miss it...etc.
I don't know how to live with the hurt and anger and the "not knowing." If there is no word, do I continue filing missing person's reports, just to keep trying, or do I give up? Thanks for listening.
So here we are today and still no contact, and to be honest, I don't think he's going to contact us. I think he's walked away from us.
If I knew where he was, I would go there and confront him and insist that he tell us to our faces that he doesn't want anything to do with us. It would hurt, but there would be no doubt in our minds and no false hopes. The hope that maybe he will contact us keeps us emotionally tethered to him. I will always love him and will always pray for him, but I really would like to be able to accept and move on with life. I just don't know how I'm going to handle this the way it is right now--always wondering if today might be the day; being afraid to be away from my phone because he might message me and I might miss it...etc.
I don't know how to live with the hurt and anger and the "not knowing." If there is no word, do I continue filing missing person's reports, just to keep trying, or do I give up? Thanks for listening.