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The Revolving Door
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 762691" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi. </p><p></p><p>Long time Nar Anon member here who has spoken to hundreds of parents of unmotivated addicts through the years. The basic common message is that there is nothing at all that we can do to help them, that they do it themselves if/when they want to. Or they don't. But it is not dependent upon us. Our money, second chances, legal help, etc only makes them want more from us and they can be very abusive. They tend to refuse medications for mental help, refuse therapy, screw up rehab, miduse money we offer them, lie to us constantly, then blame us for their problems. This is not rational but addiction is not rational. Help doesn't help. It cant even keep them alive.We all tend to figure this out eventually. Then we shut down our bank and let them go...often to God, if we believe. </p><p></p><p>What we can do successfully is seek out help to learn to take care of the one person we can control...us.....and we can seek out help to learn how to live a wonderful life even if our adult kids are not doing well. We can control our reactions, our thoughts, our priorities and our boundaries. Ours. Not theirs.</p><p>Now I have read on here that Narcotics Anonymous, which is for the addict, is not that successful and I can't say if that's true or not. I do know that Nar Anon, which is for loved ones of addicts, is very successful if the member sticks around. I see it. My husband and I live with the benefits of the program.</p><p></p><p>Everyone affected by addiction and/or mental illness also becomes sick. However we can recover even if our dysfunctional loved one chooses not to. And it is.not a bad thing to let go of his or her chaos and just enjoy our lives.</p><p></p><p>I send prayers and love to your family. You matter! Take care of you!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 762691, member: 1550"] Hi. Long time Nar Anon member here who has spoken to hundreds of parents of unmotivated addicts through the years. The basic common message is that there is nothing at all that we can do to help them, that they do it themselves if/when they want to. Or they don't. But it is not dependent upon us. Our money, second chances, legal help, etc only makes them want more from us and they can be very abusive. They tend to refuse medications for mental help, refuse therapy, screw up rehab, miduse money we offer them, lie to us constantly, then blame us for their problems. This is not rational but addiction is not rational. Help doesn't help. It cant even keep them alive.We all tend to figure this out eventually. Then we shut down our bank and let them go...often to God, if we believe. What we can do successfully is seek out help to learn to take care of the one person we can control...us.....and we can seek out help to learn how to live a wonderful life even if our adult kids are not doing well. We can control our reactions, our thoughts, our priorities and our boundaries. Ours. Not theirs. Now I have read on here that Narcotics Anonymous, which is for the addict, is not that successful and I can't say if that's true or not. I do know that Nar Anon, which is for loved ones of addicts, is very successful if the member sticks around. I see it. My husband and I live with the benefits of the program. Everyone affected by addiction and/or mental illness also becomes sick. However we can recover even if our dysfunctional loved one chooses not to. And it is.not a bad thing to let go of his or her chaos and just enjoy our lives. I send prayers and love to your family. You matter! Take care of you! [/QUOTE]
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