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<blockquote data-quote="ScentofCedar" data-source="post: 15295" data-attributes="member: 3353"><p>The other issue here is triangulation. If the difficult child can get one or the other parent on his side, many of the frustrations we all feel with our mates begin to fuel up.</p><p></p><p>What I might do (what I am sure I would try to do, anyway), is begin a conversation with my husband about staying on the same page and triangulation. Whether he comes clean or not, you will know a little more about what your situation relative to husband is.</p><p></p><p>The other thing I would tell you, fedup, is to try not to be angry about the triangulation. It happens to all of us (well, just about all of us) when we are dealing with our difficult children.</p><p></p><p>It's hard, when you love a child, to watch him suffer. All of us look for some reason why the difficult child is misbehaving. Until we work through that part, the other parent seems like the perfect place to fasten our frustrations with our difficult children.</p><p></p><p>That is why I said to try not to be angry with husband. </p><p></p><p>What you are seeing is triangulation at work.</p><p></p><p>This is how marriages unravel.</p><p></p><p>That is what happened to husband and I, too.</p><p></p><p>If we can go through this stuff with our eyes open, we have a better chance of saving our marriages, I think.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes, we have to be warrior moms for ourselves, and for our marriages.</p><p></p><p>husband and I have been married for thirty four years now, I think it is. (Some enormous number of years, anyway!) Unlike the happy times in our relationship, those dark years when we were struggling with the kids are still difficult and painful for us to talk about.</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ScentofCedar, post: 15295, member: 3353"] The other issue here is triangulation. If the difficult child can get one or the other parent on his side, many of the frustrations we all feel with our mates begin to fuel up. What I might do (what I am sure I would try to do, anyway), is begin a conversation with my husband about staying on the same page and triangulation. Whether he comes clean or not, you will know a little more about what your situation relative to husband is. The other thing I would tell you, fedup, is to try not to be angry about the triangulation. It happens to all of us (well, just about all of us) when we are dealing with our difficult children. It's hard, when you love a child, to watch him suffer. All of us look for some reason why the difficult child is misbehaving. Until we work through that part, the other parent seems like the perfect place to fasten our frustrations with our difficult children. That is why I said to try not to be angry with husband. What you are seeing is triangulation at work. This is how marriages unravel. That is what happened to husband and I, too. If we can go through this stuff with our eyes open, we have a better chance of saving our marriages, I think. Sometimes, we have to be warrior moms for ourselves, and for our marriages. husband and I have been married for thirty four years now, I think it is. (Some enormous number of years, anyway!) Unlike the happy times in our relationship, those dark years when we were struggling with the kids are still difficult and painful for us to talk about. Barbara [/QUOTE]
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