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The smooth plane ride hitting turbulence - difficult child communication
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 645158" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>It can save our lives, when we realize there are people who lie about what is real to hurt us, to break something inside us so we will do what they want. </p><p></p><p>Isn't that something.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I can't imagine why they focus with such intensity on the things they have convinced themselves we have done wrong. <em>Even if we did those things, even if we had been those kinds of parents, there never seems to be a point of healing or letting go with our difficult child sons. They seem only to want to hurt us, like that is some kind of win for them.</em> Could it be they turn the feelings outward, hating us because that is the way they really feel about themselves for where they have taken their lives?</p><p></p><p>I hope you say: "difficult child, you were raised better."</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>GASLIGHTING.</p><p></p><p>FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, DON'T ANYONE LIGHT A MATCH IN HERE, YOU WILL BLOW US ALL TO ....</p><p></p><p>We are so vulnerable to those we love.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I am so sorry Seeking, but your son was lost to you long before you knew there was a point to be made.</p><p></p><p>He continues to threaten you with loss of himself.</p><p></p><p>He must hate himself very much, for where he has taken his life.</p><p></p><p>It would hurt you less if he was not aware of what he is doing to himself.</p><p></p><p>I feel as badly for difficult child son as I do for myself, when he says terrible things to me. (And boy, the things he says don't hold a candle to the things your son writes to you ~ OUCH.) What kind of man says those things to his mother? And we are talking about men, here. Only a man who hates himself.</p><p></p><p>That was my conclusion.</p><p></p><p>Both our sons know who they were raised to be.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I think you can be very sure your difficult child focuses his feelings of guilt and disgust for himself onto you. Addiction is a trap. The addict's life falls apart, but more importantly, the fine, moral person within is destroyed.</p><p></p><p>It must be so shaming for him.</p><p></p><p>Other than to tell him so, you are powerless over the addiction that is destroying him.</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry.</p><p></p><p>In his deepest heart, your son does know right from wrong. Remember those old werewolf movies? Where Lon Chaney would be shot with a silver bullet and, as he lay dying, would change into his human state, all that hair disappearing and his tired, lined face appearing, instead?</p><p></p><p>That is how I see addiction for my own son. Even to the part about being taken by the full moon, and being powerless to stop it, however civilized and stable the time without a moon has been.</p><p></p><p>Perhaps that imagery can help you, too. </p><p></p><p>I am so sorry, Seeking.</p><p></p><p>It's such a lonely, shaming thing to hear our sons speak such terrible words against us, whatever their situations.</p><p></p><p>And the whole thing is so foolish. What do they expect us to do? Call them the worst names we can think of, back?</p><p></p><p>My son was not raised believing winning meant calling the worst names or making the most damning accusations. Neither, I am thinking, was yours.</p><p></p><p>Still, it hurts us so much to see it.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 645158, member: 17461"] It can save our lives, when we realize there are people who lie about what is real to hurt us, to break something inside us so we will do what they want. Isn't that something. I can't imagine why they focus with such intensity on the things they have convinced themselves we have done wrong. [I]Even if we did those things, even if we had been those kinds of parents, there never seems to be a point of healing or letting go with our difficult child sons. They seem only to want to hurt us, like that is some kind of win for them.[/I] Could it be they turn the feelings outward, hating us because that is the way they really feel about themselves for where they have taken their lives? I hope you say: "difficult child, you were raised better." GASLIGHTING. FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, DON'T ANYONE LIGHT A MATCH IN HERE, YOU WILL BLOW US ALL TO .... We are so vulnerable to those we love. I am so sorry Seeking, but your son was lost to you long before you knew there was a point to be made. He continues to threaten you with loss of himself. He must hate himself very much, for where he has taken his life. It would hurt you less if he was not aware of what he is doing to himself. I feel as badly for difficult child son as I do for myself, when he says terrible things to me. (And boy, the things he says don't hold a candle to the things your son writes to you ~ OUCH.) What kind of man says those things to his mother? And we are talking about men, here. Only a man who hates himself. That was my conclusion. Both our sons know who they were raised to be. I think you can be very sure your difficult child focuses his feelings of guilt and disgust for himself onto you. Addiction is a trap. The addict's life falls apart, but more importantly, the fine, moral person within is destroyed. It must be so shaming for him. Other than to tell him so, you are powerless over the addiction that is destroying him. I am so sorry. In his deepest heart, your son does know right from wrong. Remember those old werewolf movies? Where Lon Chaney would be shot with a silver bullet and, as he lay dying, would change into his human state, all that hair disappearing and his tired, lined face appearing, instead? That is how I see addiction for my own son. Even to the part about being taken by the full moon, and being powerless to stop it, however civilized and stable the time without a moon has been. Perhaps that imagery can help you, too. I am so sorry, Seeking. It's such a lonely, shaming thing to hear our sons speak such terrible words against us, whatever their situations. And the whole thing is so foolish. What do they expect us to do? Call them the worst names we can think of, back? My son was not raised believing winning meant calling the worst names or making the most damning accusations. Neither, I am thinking, was yours. Still, it hurts us so much to see it. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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The smooth plane ride hitting turbulence - difficult child communication
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