This is another vent...lol. I mean, just writing is therapeutic so if nobody reads it, that's ok All of you know I adopted a child at age six from Hong Kong who is brilliant, but as cold as a robot and who dumped all of us for reasons we still aren't sure of. If not, I'm sure it's in the archives somewhere. Remember, I did meet him after five years in his church with a mediator and he was such an a---hole I decided that this isn't the child I raised and that I didn't want to see him again...he was deliberately not just mean, but malicious, but in a calm, cool way that scared me. And his sniveling wife obviously believed all the lies he told her about us. So I got closure. I moved on and now rather than saying I have five kids, I automatically say I have four. Because in his heart, he is not my son and that's what counts. He is NOT hurt by this, trust me. The one member of the family he still allows the privilege of being in his life is my ex husband. I'm not sure why...he cut him off for three years...but now they see each other again. I do not know how much or anything else because I never ask. On Thanksgiving my daughter from Illinois (PastryChef) was in tears and wouldn't tell me why at first, but finally admitted that her father (my lovely ex) had been badgering her for years to have breakfast with her "brother" who used to be close to her then tossed her to the wind when his wife decided she didn't like her. It broke J's heart and she had perhaps as hard a time with what S did as I did. But she got over it. In fact, her last memories of him were not pretty. She was staying at his house, at his invitation, when she met her current SO of ten years, G. He kicked my daughter out of his house one night in a very mean way, while G. was visiting. He called G. "my sister's screw. You two will NEVER last because screwing around is NOT love!" and calling his sister a ****. While it's true that J. and G. were having a sexual relationship, my daughter is not a **** and never was. They were and still are in a monogamous relationship. She left to live with G. and that's been the story ever since. My daughter J. really loves both of her parents and tries to please us, even though my ex is difficult and hard to please. After berating her for years for not seeing her brother, who didn't want to see her and never called her once after she TRIED by calling him, she agreed to meet him in a restaurant on Thanksgiving morning to shut up ex. I had to kind of laugh sadly to myself because in S's demands of how I could see him, he said I could ONLY meet him at a restaurant or at his church, nowhere else. I figured he was applying the same rules to J. J. wisely took G. with her. When we finally got down to why J. was so upset, she told me that she hadn't wanted to go and that S. had been his normal jerky self. He didn't talk much, he bragged about all his money (to put her down) and how his son was going to an elite school (note: the son is only three years old). But, in all, nothing happened. But ex had told her "I want you to talk to him before I die. What if I'm in the hospital and the two of you aren't speaking?" The good ole "when I die" guilt trip!! And he added that his deceased mother would want her to do it. This actually is probably not true. His deceased mother was a Saint and would have been appalled at how S. has treated most of the family. But, of course, she is dead and can't speak to any of us. J. was very close to her sweet grandma. Although we had a great Thanksgiving, this put a slight damper on it. J. was angry and upset with Dad, but is way too kind to, say, tell him off. G. said he refuses to visit S. again and J. agreed...she did her duty and it's over. This reminded me how lucky I am to be divorced from ex. He really doesn't "get" things. It doesn't occur to him that there may be really good reasons why nobody but him is talking to S. Indeed, I don't think anyone but ex considers him part of the family anymore. He REALLY REALLY hurt all of us. Again, not sure why ex was allowed a holy second chance after three years (HE had to be the one to call, by the way), but we think it's because he's a Christian and the rest of us aren't. S. is critical of anybody who isn't a Christian, even if we believe strongly in God. It has to be his way or the highway. I hope he leaves my daughter alone from now on. I got the feeling a second meeting won't take place. G. said, "Let him apologize to us first." That is something that will never happen. G. loathes S. And J. just wants to keep him a part of her past. Sadlyl, ex constantly tells both sportsfan and pastrychef what a success and golden child S. is becaus he is so financially successful. Ex seems to lack that special something called "emotion" just like S. Maybe that's why they get along (sigh). Both of my other kids are hurt by how much ex exalts S. as perfect.