The Sound of Silence / Reading Between the Lines

[Hound dog]

Not sure what is up with katie. I've mailed her multiple times. Her responses are brief at best, and pretty much all my questions are ignored. At least she did finally tell me the ultrasound for the lump in her breast did not show cancer and docs aren't planning any sort of further treatment.

Mentioned the odd mails to Nichole. She's getting the same sort of responses. Hmm.

Now at this shelter they have a "residents" phone and she can call whenever she wants. They also have a computer available to them, so she can chat or mail me whenever she wants. Yet I've heard from her less than I did in dayton, which wasn't much.

I don't call her because I have no idea what the shelter may have them doing per finding work or a place to live. And I do know our shelter really pushes those two areas as they want the stay there to be as short as possible.

Last mail I sent to her I asked about the dentist and the eyeglasses for both her and kayla.

She told me she hasn't had the bad tooth pulled yet because the antibiotic triggers headaches so she skips taking it for long periods. wth?? Everything causes this girl headaches, take the darn thing anyway. geez! Dentist told her the told and gum infection is a huge part of her headaches. Dentist won't even touch her other teeth until the infection is gone and this really bad tooth is pulled.

Glasses? She attempted to convince me she has to pay a 10.00 co pay on the exam and glasses. OMG! I told you she's as horrible at lying as her dad. She has medicaid. She has no income whatsoever. She does NOT have to pay deductibles either for herself or any child. And in my response to the mail I called her out on the lie. That sort of thing really peeves me off in a huge way. She knows I know the system for ohio.......yet she still attempts to get away with such a bold face lie?? gimme a break!:2dissapointed:

She flat out ignored the inquiry about the HUD apartments, the invitation to drive her there to fill out the application, if the jobs they applied for had contacted them, and if they would like to come to dinner one night. (was going to make a sort of birthday meal for hers and Evan's birthday) No news on if she was able to get hardship. (my guess is she wasn't) No news on Alex's disability claim. (guessing that is dead in the water as the child has never seen a doctor for the diagnosis she's trying to get it with)

Nothing. Not any of the normal news on how the kids are doing, even if it's just driving her crazy with all the snow days.

Hmmmm. Not a clue what is up. But since I know our shelter pushes them to get out and be independent.......I'm guessing their being pushed. Shelter will not put up with excuses for long, they'll boot them out on their fannies.

We had one cheerful mail and one cheerful phone call. But that was when she was expecting to get monthly funds from hardship and Alex's disability. She was stunned when Nichole asked her to be a bridesmaid. I mean really stunned and ask Nichole why on earth she would ask her. Nichole told her well you're my big sis, and I love you, why wouldn't I ask you? easy child is the other bridesmaid and Nance Nichole's bff is MOH.

There is a factory not too far away that is always hiring.......and even have apartments they'll let their employees rent so they can live in the town where they work. I'd forgotten about that one. Mc D's is ALWAYS hiring and pays well. I can think of more than a dozen places just off the top of my head. And actually in this area, M's so called reading issues would not be a problem, it's very common around here, people take it in stride and don't think twice about it. Katie has yet to even apply at the temp place that would immediately place her into nursing homes as an aide and train her.

I know that in the back of her mind Katie believed that county services would open up their arms and practically throw programs to help into their laps. It's not happening. One due to an overwhelmed system.....to say the very least. But also because katie abused every one of those programs the last time she was here......and lied to those who work/run them. This is a small town, and people have LONG memories. I know because both easy child and Nichole had to deal with the aftermath of katies lies and con years later when they needed many of the same services.

Karma will always get you in the end.

I'm sure the shelter has already had them fill out the apps for the local hud apartments. I'm guessing they've been denied due to M's felony. I do know the Turning Point program for the GED and job placement refuses to take him. (possibly for the same reason) Because even if they were on the waiting list for the apartments I'm sure Katie would've been excited enough to mention it. She hasn't said a word. And I'm pretty sure his felony is showing up because everytime Nichole's boyfriend does a background check on him it pops up.

So no clue what is going on. Guessing that little glimmer that she might be taking a step in the right direction was just that, a glimmer, evidently it didn't last long.

As for the abrupt mails........... I think she's ticked because we did nothing for her birthday. Or for Evan's birthday. Well phht. Most I do for my grown kids for a birthday is make their fav dinner. That is IF I can do it, time and money wise. Grandkids get 1 gift, and usually that's not over 20 bucks if that. And husband and I have been penniless for the past 5 wks. And yeah, I'll skip a grandchild's birthday if I don't have the cash. Too bad, this Nana is POOR. Happens. Once I knew husband and I had money again, I did attempt to do the dinner thing and got brushed off. So whatever. No biggie.

I'm sure she's also not liking that we're calling her on the lies. Too bad. Don't lie. sheesh

Oh well, if she doesn't get it together over the next couple of weeks it ought to get interesting.

 

[donna723]

It sounds like she thinks she's found a comfortable nicht and intends to just sit there in it as long as she can! What will this shelter do if they refuse to look for jobs and housing? Surely the shelter doesn't intend to support them for the rest of their lives! Did she mention anything at all about the children? Is there any possibility that they've been taken from them?

 

[HaoZi]

I hope that the part about it not being cancer is true. And I hope she manages to go to Nicole's wedding and M doesn't ruin it for her.

 

[DammitJanet]

Im kinda thinking they may be getting turned down for subsidized housing because of the felony. That really makes no sense to me because so many of the people who are the poorest are the ones who do have records because no one will hire them. I can see not allowing someone to in who is a fleeing felon with a murder charge but I think there should be some discretion available. Not paint everyone with the same brush.

 

[DaisyFace]

At least she did finally tell me the ultrasound for the lump in her breast did not show cancer and docs aren't planning any sort of further treatment.

O that's a lot of hogwash, too! If you have a large non-cancerous tumor, docs will still recommend that it be removed....SHEESH!

As to the other lies...I'd be worried, too.

Rhetorical question: Do you really think K and M would sit back and do nothing to the point where they get booted out onto the street? Again? I mean c'mon!!!

Those poor kids!

So sorry...

 

[donna723]

Lisa, can the doctors really tell for sure that a breast lump is not cancerous just by doing an ultrasound? Anyone I've ever known who went through this always had the lump removed and a biopsy done to make sure it was benign. Somehow that doesn't sound quite right ...

 

[Hound dog]

Yeah I agree the docs determining that it's noncancerous just via ultrasound doesn't sound quite right. I know ultrasound tech has come a long way.......but seriously I've never known them not to at the very least to do a biopsy. The way it sort of fizzled.........and the fact that not once did she ever mention this lump before.........Makes me wonder if the whole story wasn't a lie for attention or sympathy or both. And most docs I know will remove a lump that is causing physical discomfort. It's just not that big of a deal.

Katie likes to make stuff up.......especially if it prevents her from having to do things and may gain her sympathy. So who knows?

And yeah. Based on past behavior..........Yes, I can see katie and M just sitting there making excuses until the shelter tosses them out.

Janet this is supposed to be an old felony charge......like 1994 or so........and it matches with what Nichole's boyfriend has pop up when he does the background check. I understand why HUD has the rule, I really do. But honestly......I think they should also look at if there have been any recent criminal behavior, and what sort of charges it was before just lumping them all together. We as a society SAY we want to rehabilitate inmates........but in the rare case that someone works hard to turn their lives around no one wants to give them a break be it a job or housing. And these ex-inmates need to work and have a place to live just like everyone else. ugh

I have an even sneakier suspicion that Katie is withdrawing from contact because she's attempting to convince the pastor that works at the shelter that they have no family support.........maybe in an attempt to fund their trip back to Mo or whatever. She did this last time when she was playing the same game with her babysitter, her welfare caseworker, and several other people the last time she was here.........telling them that we refused to do anything to help her or the kids when we were buying all their clothing ect. All those people were NOT pleased to discover they were conned.

I have no clue if she has the kids or not. I've not been contacted by anyone. And two weeks ago when I spoke to her on the phone I know she had them because I could hear them in the background.

Guess for now we sit in a holding pattern. ugh

 

[dashcat]

I've been in that holding pattern, with different stuff. It's funny with difficult child's ... sometimes you wish you didn't know what you know and, then, when you don't know, you wish you did. I go round and round with this all the time.

I also understand how frustrating it is to deal with lying and inventing strange medical conditions for attention. My difficult child does this, although she rarely does it with me because - to her - I'm not a very easy mark. She tells her friends that people close to her have died, have been in horrible accidents and are on life support, have tried to commit sucide...she likes, also, to say she's pregnant or thinks she is (the good Lord has somehow managed to no allow this to become a self-fullfilling prophecy), has broken something or any variety of maladies.

This makes me crazy.

I feel for you in your siituation. You've done all you can do - more than many would have done.
Hugs,
Dash

 

[Hound dog]

It's the outright lies that drive me insane. I can cope with the made up illnesses ect........been there done that with husband for almost 30 yrs. Once I know that is going on, I take everything with a grain of salt and believe nothing until I see it.

But lying.........now that keeps me at a low boil. I detach as much as possible, but still, it gets to me. ugh

She posted this on her facebook page yesterday:

what am i doomed for ??? why can't i get a **** job why does my life have to svck? the only good thing in my life is my children and they are suffering because no one wants to give their mother a chance to prove herself at anything. i am so fustrated i could scream and scream for hours. sorry but stress and no sleep does this to me!!!!!

Seriously?? Can we say major Drama Pity Party going on?

First off it's a huge lie. She told Nichole she couldn't look for a job because "someone has to stay with Evan", but that M has been out "looking hard".

You can't whine about no one wanting to hire you if you're not looking/filling out applications. Gimme a break. M is looking so "hard" that Mc D's is hiring.........Wendy's is hiring.......can think of 3 other places hiring off the top of my head. Yet he STILL has no job. Heck LOWES is hiring for people to unload their trucks.......you don't have to be able to read to unload a truck. phhht.

I can't drum up an ounce of empathy, let alone sympathy for katie at this point. She wants to put forth no effort and have money and a home drop in their laps.

I've told them more than once that we would drive them to put in job apps......which of course also means one of us watching Evan while they do so. Evan happens to be good for both husband and I and is no problem as long as his parents aren't around.

Now this was an issue before husband's unemployment extension kicked in as we were in nearly as bad of shape as they are. But we're back in the green, which she knows, and I've offered again, but am being ignored.

Not one of us responded to her public pity party. I just looked at it and thought to myself you have to be kidding.......and laughed.

However her page is now full of job openings as Nichole has been posting them all morning....lol

I'm going to mail her shortly.........it may or may not be pretty. I've held off in an attempt to hold my temper in check. This mindset drive me nuts. ugh

 

[DammitJanet]

ugh is all I can say.

 

[busywend]

LOL at Nichole!!!!

 

[susiestar]

Nichole ROCKS!!