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The story of my son, hard to write.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 710548" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>No you don't.</p><p></p><p>There is SSI. There is the Department of Rehabilitation. There is Job Corps, a free job training program which provides room and board. The age cut off I think is 26, but they make exceptions for disabled adults beyond this age. There are group homes. There are residential treatment programs. There are adult day programs through County Mental Health.</p><p></p><p>All kinds of disabled adults work or volunteer.</p><p></p><p>The decision here is whether to enable his lack of motivation, indolence and his irresponsibility, or not.</p><p></p><p>You have no control over what he does. You do control what you do.</p><p></p><p>If the current situation was truly a "rest" for you...would you have sought out this forum?</p><p></p><p>I do not wish to be harsh or to convey the sense I do not understand. But there are realities here that I have to face, because my situation is not much different than your own.</p><p></p><p>I know throwing them out is not a cure all. I learned that. There is no cure-all to somebody else's life. That does not mean there are not things that can and must be done. By each of us, and all of us, save the most ill and disabled, and that is not our sons. That is what I think. Does my son agree? Not really.</p><p></p><p>But I can live my own life and try to minimize the toxicity that a relationship with him seems to entail, or develop better boundaries and self-esteem and more support so that I am not so crushed by it all.</p><p></p><p>But they must step up to the plate, these sons of ours. We will not be here always. Their lives are their responsibilities. And we as parents have a role in their NOT living as indolent slobs in our homes or near us.</p><p></p><p>That is my mission and my dilemma, as I see it now.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 710548, member: 18958"] No you don't. There is SSI. There is the Department of Rehabilitation. There is Job Corps, a free job training program which provides room and board. The age cut off I think is 26, but they make exceptions for disabled adults beyond this age. There are group homes. There are residential treatment programs. There are adult day programs through County Mental Health. All kinds of disabled adults work or volunteer. The decision here is whether to enable his lack of motivation, indolence and his irresponsibility, or not. You have no control over what he does. You do control what you do. If the current situation was truly a "rest" for you...would you have sought out this forum? I do not wish to be harsh or to convey the sense I do not understand. But there are realities here that I have to face, because my situation is not much different than your own. I know throwing them out is not a cure all. I learned that. There is no cure-all to somebody else's life. That does not mean there are not things that can and must be done. By each of us, and all of us, save the most ill and disabled, and that is not our sons. That is what I think. Does my son agree? Not really. But I can live my own life and try to minimize the toxicity that a relationship with him seems to entail, or develop better boundaries and self-esteem and more support so that I am not so crushed by it all. But they must step up to the plate, these sons of ours. We will not be here always. Their lives are their responsibilities. And we as parents have a role in their NOT living as indolent slobs in our homes or near us. That is my mission and my dilemma, as I see it now. [/QUOTE]
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